


Aaron's Awakening

by DarkJediQueen, Rivermoon1970



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Hate Speech, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Talk of Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:28:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 46,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkJediQueen/pseuds/DarkJediQueen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: When his twin comes for a visit, Aaron’s world is turned upside down in more ways than one.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan/Allan Hotchner (OMC)
Comments: 43
Kudos: 152





	Aaron's Awakening

It was late when Spencer arrived at the BAU. He was just back from visiting his mother in Las Vegas and stopped by the office to pick up some files on a fresh case and play catch up with the rest of the team before morning.

So naturally, in the relative quiet of the skeleton crew in the early hours, imagine his surprise on hearing the sound of a guitar coming from none other than BAU Chief Aaron Hotchner’s office.

“What the…?” Spencer muttered.

Spencer scaled the steps and pushed open the door that was slightly ajar. He was met with the sharp chiseled outline of his supervisor’s back, muscles shifting beneath the t-shirt in smooth ripples as he strummed the acoustic.

“I didn’t know you could play,” Spencer murmured, bringing the piece to an abrupt end as he stood and turned.

The man’s head tilted in a gesture of unfamiliarity.

“Hello,” he replied, giving Spencer the once over.

“Spencer?” the voice echoed from behind him. The young man turned to be met by the sight of a suited and booted doppelgänger.

And promptly fainted.

“You never told me he was so cute.”

“That’s because I don’t see cute, Allan. I see a colleague and a friend.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never even thought…”

“Unlike you, brother mine, I have better things to do with my mind than dreaming up ways of getting into people’s…” Aaron was abruptly cut-off by the soft moan that came from the sofa by the wall in Aaron’s office.

Aaron strolled over just as Spencer cracked an eye open. “God, Hotch. I had the weirdest dream…”

It was then Allan popped his head over Aaron’s shoulder, a wicked grin, and an even more wicked glint in his eyes. “Mornin’, beautiful,” he crooned.

At which point, Spencer fainted.

Again.

"Stop doing that." Aaron glared at his brother as the man laughed then sauntered over to Aaron's desk and sat down with his guitar, feet propped up on the desk while he strummed lazily over the strings.

"You know, I don't believe you. You look worried over him, and the only people you worry like that over are ones you really care about." Allan added a low hum as he stared at Aaron.

Aaron didn't say anything as he sat down in the chair next to the sofa. He picked up his coffee and sipped trying to think of how to respond. "He's a member of my team, Allan, they are all important. We've been through a lot together." 

"Yet you never told them you had a twin, did you?" Allan smirked as he got even more comfortable in Aaron’s office chair.

"It's hard for me to share my personal life." 

"You know you could pick up the other guitar, join me in a song, like old times." 

Aaron looked at his brother, then slide a sidelong glance at Spencer. Chuckling he stood and grabbed the other instrument that had been propped up against his bookcase and settled in. Soon the two were strumming together, Allan singing The Who's Behind Blue Eyes. Aaron reluctantly smiled and started to sing with his brother. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Spencer waking up again. 

"Please tell me what's going on?" Spencer sounded upset as he sat up on the couch and looked between the two men.

"Spencer, that is my twin brother, Allan Micah Hotchner." Aaron waved a hand towards his brother who let out a full-throated laugh.

"So, I'm not going crazy." 

Aaron laughed a genuine laugh and shook his head. "No, Spencer. You are not going crazy." 

"Oh, okay then. Just one more question?" Spencer lifted a brow and waited for a response from Aaron.

Aaron sighed and shook his head. "Go ahead." 

"Why the hell did you never say anything?" Spencer crossed his arms over his chest and puckered his lips in a little pout, making both Aaron and Allan laugh. "Oh, that is not fair." Spencer looked between the two men who were perfect copies of each other. He could not find a single thing on their faces that showed any differences. They even had the same haircut. If it wasn't for the clothes, Spencer would not be able to tell who was who. “And, where have you been this whole time?”

Aaron kept lazily strumming the guitar because it was there and he wanted something to do with his hands. He was about to answer when Allan beat him to it.

"I've been traveling around the world so that is why you haven’t met me, yet, Doctor Reid and we both know that Aaron is very private. It is, however, nice to finally meet the genius that my brother doesn't stop talking about." Allan’s Virginia accent was easily more pronounced than Aaron’s was and it made Spencer’s stomach twitch a little. Allan was smiling as he talked but the look on Hotch's face told Spencer that he wasn't happy with what his brother was saying.

"Where have you traveled to?" Spencer asked feeling a little bit of excitement at knowing everywhere Allan had gone to. 

Allan leaned forward to set down the guitar that he had been playing and that was when Spencer realized that Hotch had one as well. Spencer remembered that he had heard singing before he had fully come awake. _Hotch had been singing_. Spencer filed that knowledge away for a later time when he could ask his boss, and friend, about it in private.

"Most recently? Africa, remote areas of Australia, backwood of Germany, and before that I was in the Asiatic isles. From the Polynesian Islands to the more remote Japanese, and Chinese Islands."

"Why?" 

"Music. I study music. Specifically the folk music of a culture. I’m always wanting to learn the music that people grew up with, the songs of their ancestors."

"Really?" 

Allan chuckled and Spencer felt the man gaze intently at him. "Yes, really. In fact, I came to try to talk Aaron into helping me out with the concert I'm giving this weekend. As you heard, he is no slouch on the guitar." 

"Yeah, that's another thing we didn't know." Spencer looked over at Aaron who was either flushed with embarrassment or fear, Spencer wasn’t sure which.

"Allan, you know my crazy schedule." Aaron protested, but Spencer could see a little bit of longing in Aaron’s eyes.

"I do, but you stated that no cases had crossed your desk that needed your immediate attention. And, it is almost the weekend. You know Jack would love it." 

* * * * *

Aaron laughed unrestrained and shook his head. He already knew he would say yes. His twin could always talk him into almost anything. "Alright, fine. But I'm out of practice." 

"You'll do fine. Here, the name of the venue." Allan handed Aaron a piece of paper. "It'll be fun. Remember that little coffee shop we would perform at? The one Dad always hated that we would go to?" 

Aaron's fingers tightened on the paper as he looked up at Allan. "I don't think I'll ever forget it." Aaron couldn’t help the emotional tone his voice took on, but whenever his father was brought up the hate and anger he had for the man was always there, buried just under the surface.

"Shit. I'm sorry." Allan frowned as he leaned back, his own memories plaguing his mind. " We had fun though, didn’t we?" 

Aaron locked eyes with his brother and let a smile play across his lips. "Yeah, we did." Aaron went silent as the two brothers shared a look with each other.

* * * * *

Spencer didn't want to break the moment. He was breathing heavily as he watched the two brothers have a whole silent conversation between them. Several things made sense in Spencer's mind. The case four years prior, the one with the twins and how Aaron handled Cheryl. It was like he _knew_ exactly how she felt. This explained the behavior that Spencer could never quite put together in that case.

"Morning, Hotch..." JJ stood in the doorway looking quickly between the two men. 

"I think the rest of my team is here. Introductions are in order. JJ, come in and meet my twin brother. Allan."

Spencer watched as Hotch introduced the rest of the team to Allan. Morgan was upset the most, but it seemed that Rossi knew something about the man. Allan stayed in Hotch's office all the way until lunchtime in which the brothers went out to eat. Spencer ate at his desk and worked on the paperwork that he had missed while he had been on leave to visit his mother.

When the end of the workday came, Spencer found that he didn't want to go home to an empty apartment, but he didn't know if he really wanted to be around people. Spencer thought about the little bookshop a few short blocks from his apartment. It was owned by the couple who ran the restaurant next door, and there was even a door between the two places so that people who wanted to sit in the quiet of the bookstore and eat or just read with a cup of good coffee could. That was about right for the amount of human interaction that Spencer wanted.

The drive to his apartment was quick, but Spencer had made sure to get out of work a little early given that he had come in early. He dropped off all of his things before walking to the bookshop. Spencer smiled at the man at the desk who was reading a book while picking at some potato chips.

Spencer decided to find a book to read before settling in and getting some food. There were a few books in the store that Spencer had never read before, so he grabbed three and paid for them before picking a chair to sit at with a stand next to it. He set the books down and wandered to where the chalkboard was for the daily offerings. It was usually soups, salads, and sandwiches, easy to eat items that were conducive to reading. Many of the more elaborate meals didn't do well when not actually seated at a table.

Deciding that he wasn't hungry yet, Spencer sat back down to mull over the food choices as he started to read the first book. The bell from the front door dinged several times, but Spencer didn't look up to see who was entering or exiting. He wasn't that jumpy.

After about forty-five minutes, Spencer's stomach growled to tell him that he needed food. Spencer set down his book and stood up to move toward where the door was. Someone else was there and opened the door for him.

"Thank you," Spencer said.

"You’re welcome, Spencer."

Spencer's head shot up, and he saw that it was Allan. He was dressed the same as he had been earlier in the day lounging in Hotch’s office.

"I saw you come in when I was leaving the restaurant, and I was intrigued by you."

"You've been watching me?" Spencer couldn't believe that he hadn't noticed it before. He chalked it up to the fact that he had gotten used to Hotch watching him over the years, out of friendly concern.

"I always pay close attention to the people in my brother's life. Especially when my brother is in love with them."

“I’m sorry, what?” Spencer was startled by the words and took a step back as disbelief settled on his face.

“You know perfectly well what I just said, Spencer.”

Spencer frowned as he made his way to the counter to order the soup of the day and half a chicken salad sandwich. He ignored Allan for the moment while looking at the pastry case, he finally decided on one of their signature brownies after carefully considering his choices. After he paid, he was given a number, which he took and made his way back to his table. His mind was spinning as he sat back down, Allan had followed and sat across from him.

Spencer felt the man deserved a response, even if Spencer was unsure of what Allan was saying was true.“He’s never said anything.”

“Not to you.”

“He-he’s talked about us? To you?”

Allan leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table. Smiling at Spencer he took a minute before speaking. “He talks about you. Constantly. When we Skype, he gets this smile when your name comes up that I know very well.”

Spencer looked down at the table and frowned, trying to gather his thoughts together. His food was placed in front of him mere seconds later. He looked up at the server and thanked her before turning once more to Allan. “Why hasn’t he said anything?’

Allan’s eyes clouded and Spencer knew this was an old pain. 

“Because you are who you are, I’m going to tell you something that I know Aaron might never admit. You see our father, for some reason was fixated on Aaron. Nothing he did was ever right. I got some of that directed at me, but Aaron, he suffered more than I did. Sean, well Sean was their perfect angel right from the beginning, even if in reality he was a little shit because they spoiled him senseless. He was the golden child Malcolm and Charlotte always wanted. 

“Aaron was always quiet and thoughtful. I was the rowdy one always getting him into one of our scrapes. When we were twelve I was noticing girls, but Aaron...” Allan picked up the water the waitress had set down for him and took a long drink. “He was looking at boys. I didn’t care. He was my twin. The other half of my soul and whatever made him happy made me happy. One day, he met a vacationing boy, and they became inseparable. Dad caught them kissing.”

Allan looked away towards the bookcases pressing his lips together in a hard line. 

“He hurt Aaron, didn’t he?”

Spencer noticed that Allan wasn’t looking at him when he spoke next. Almost like he needed the distance to finish this part of the story. “The worst I had ever seen. From that day on, our father made it his mission to beat the gay out of him, as Malcolm would say. He’s scared, Spencer. The ghost of Malcolm still hangs around Aaron and as much as he’s tried to put that ghost to rest, I know there are remnants. Because I feel them too.” Allan finally looked at Spencer and the silence stretched between them through when Allan’s own food was delivered. He at a few bites, with Spencer watching.

Finally, Spencer took a deep breath and asked, “What can I do?”

Allan smiled as he stole a piece of brownie from Spencer’s plate.

“That is why I’m here.”

* * * * *

Spencer looked at Allan like he was insane. Spencer had finished off all of his food and most of his coffee, while Allan had finished off all of the brownie with only a few bites for Spencer. Allan had however got a piece of chocolate cake and had given Spencer most of it.

"Hotch has never come up with a plan so insane as this."

"Look, I know my brother, and he's never going to make a pass at you. Unfortunately, he's too much of a gentleman and is too afraid of being seen as the pursuer in the relationship. He could be seen as the one to pressure you while you going after him would be like you were trying to use him to climb the ladder. I know that no one on your team would think that. The thing is that I have help."

"Help? Who else knows about this?" Spencer felt his heart speed up as he tried to think who else might know that he had feelings for Hotch and that Hotch returned them, but was too afraid to say anything.

"I had two little birds come to me today after I took my leave. They wanted to talk to me about the two of you."

Spencer tried to think back to when Allan had left the bullpen. JJ, Morgan, and Garcia had gone toward where Morgan and Garcia's offices were. Spencer could see any three of them going to Allan.

"While I am more flexible in my sexuality than my brother, you are not my type at all, and he would never believe me going after you. I like my women very feminine and my males very male. Morgan is more my type than you."

Spencer looked at Allan and saw that he was downplaying that, Morgan was very much his type of male. Spencer wondered how Aaron would feel about that, his brother trying to get a date with Morgan.

"And?"

"Well, we were discussing the event this weekend that I want Aaron to help me with. Your friends know of someone who is only a little bit out to his coworkers, but he's been willing for a while to hit on you to try and get Aaron to make a move."

"Who?" Spencer’s curiosity was peaked as he frowned thinking through Derek, Garcia, and JJ’s friends that he knew, even peripherally.

"Ah, ah. You don't need to know that. You just need to show up at the event and be dressed how you know Aaron likes."

"How am I supposed to know that?" Spencer felt flustered by this whole conversation and wished Allan had never started it.

"Your friends have noticed when Aaron can't keep his eyes off of you, so one of them is going to come and dress you. All you have to do is let her."

"If it's Garcia, no."

Allan laughed and shook his head, "It's not. I would not sic that woman on you for anything in the world. I think that Aaron would kill me. JJ is the one that is going to help you."

"So JJ and Morgan."

"Yes." Allan laughed again and Spencer kind of wished he would stop that. He was feeling extremely uncomfortable with this crazy plan.

"I don't like being touched by strangers."

"I know, and Morgan is going to make sure that his friend knows that. Flirting without touching. I have the best table in the place reserved for the team and Aaron will be right there in front of you the whole time. He's not going to miss Morgan's friend hitting on you and flirting with you. All you have to do is smile and blush, but JJ thinks that it won't be hard."

"This is insane," Spencer said again but all Allan did was grin before grabbing the last bite of his cake with his fork.

"All of the best plans are."

* * * * *

Aaron was a little nervous. It had been years since he had done any type of public musical performance. But, Allan had always made them fun. The two of them playing off each other, going through the old songs and quickly picking up the newer ones. Aaron was one of those lucky ones who could learn a song in hours and retain everything about it. He would liken it almost to Reid’s eidetic memory. There wasn’t a song that he ever forgot the words and melody to.

Allan had picked out his clothes for the evening and Aaron tried to protest, but Allan wouldn't take no for an answer. They were dressed almost similar. Black almost painted on jeans, Aaron had on a dark blue fitted t-shirt, Allan’s was a dark red. They both had tailored jeans jackets, having almost the same body helped with that, the jacket fit Aaron perfectly. The setting was intimate but informal. 

Allan had said it was going to be packed with a lot of his fans that have followed him on social media, and his blog. 

“Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine. You did well in rehearsal.” Allan reassured Aaron once more.

Aaron glared at his brother, but there was no heat behind it. 

“You know that stopped working on me a long time ago.” Allan deadpanned staring right back at Aaron.

Aaron laughed and shook his head. “It’s just been so long since I’ve done this.”

“Well, after tonight, if you wanted to it could be something you do regularly. You know you’re just as good as I am. And, don’t think I didn’t see the collection of guitars on the one wall in your bedroom. You need a bigger house, Aaron.” Allan teased

Aaron sighed and knew Allan meant well. 

“Ready?”

Aaron grabbed his guitar, smiled, and nodded. They both sat on identical stools with microphones at the perfect level. The first song was Simon and Garfunkel’s _America._ Their voices blended perfectly in harmony as they sang. 

After the fourth song, Aaron noticed the young man sitting next to Spencer laughing with him, buying him drinks and _flirting._ Aaron’s heart was breaking a little as he watched Spencer smile and flirt back. When Spencer looked up from the table, Aaron wasn’t sure the expression, but Spencer looked puzzled. Like he was trying to figure something out.

Aaron cleared his throat as they moved into the next few songs. Some were new ones that Allan had written and they were rather beautiful. He had taken many cues from his travels and weaved a beautiful spell with song after song. When Aaron saw Spencer smiling and he reached over and just touched the stranger’s hand, Aaron thought that maybe his own insecurities had done this. He had driven any potential with Spencer away.

Aaron was professional, and it wasn’t like he didn’t have practice pushing his emotions down. Though his voice almost broke on a song about love and loss.

When the house lights came down, Aaron wanted to flee. His brother, however, had other plans.

“Aaron? Are you alright?” Allan asked with concern in his voice.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Aaron’s throat almost closed up as he tried to act nonchalant.

“You were fine before we began. You’re voice almost cracked on _Through the Glen_ and again on _No Time.”_

“I’m sorry. Look, I ah I promised Jack I’d be home soon. This was fun, and you’re right. Maybe we should do this more often, but right now I’d rather get home.” Aaron knew he was rambling and fidgeting a little.

“Aaron, come on. We were all going to go celebrate.” Allan smiled that smile that was so like his own. He almost said yes, but when the team filtered in behind the stage, Aaron saw Spencer still talking to the stranger, smiling and laughing the young man said.. 

“I’m sorry. I just...I need to go.” Aaron would hold it together till he got home. But, it would be the longest drive he had ever taken.

* * * * * 

“Shit,” Allan muttered to himself.

“Hey, where is Hotch going?” Morgan asked as he got to Allan first. 

JJ, Will, Garcia, Prentiss, Dave, and Spencer with Allan’s friend got there just a moment later.

“He’s going home.”

“What? Why?” JJ and Garcia both asked

“I think I fucked up.” Allan looked at Spencer and wanted to apologize immediately.

“It didn’t work, did it?” Spencer looked and felt defeated.

“Wait, what are you talking’ about Pretty Boy?”

Spencer didn't want to answer Morgan. He just wanted to leave. Spencer turned and walked through the opposite set of doors from where Hotch had fled through. Spencer left his jacket in the coat check area, but he didn’t want to stop and get it. He would trust someone else from the team would get it. He just needed to get away. The doors were double, and he pushed them open and flung himself outside. Spencer knew that he shouldn't have trusted Allan with this. Allan loved his brother yes and understood him, but he didn't understand Hotch and his complexities in love. Spencer didn't understand them either, but he knew that it was going to end in tears.

There was no flash of light, nothing as Spencer took the third step out the door. He was barely paying attention to where he was going and heard the subtle rev of a newer car engine before it felt like a house hitting him. Spencer felt pain along his side, and then he hit something else. Spencer wasn't sure what he hit. He could only see darkness as the outside theatre lights had not come on yet.

"REID!" someone shouted and then there were hands on him. Spencer realized that the darkness wasn't from not being able to see. There was just enough light to see the asphalt.

"Don't move him," the voice said, and it was a voice that was so close to the one that made him feel better. It wasn't him though. That voice was gone forever. Or at least gone from his personal life.

"Leave," Spencer’s voice was hollow sounding even to his own ears. He tried to grasp the name that he wanted to say. "Aaron...no Allan. Go away, Allan."

"Reid," the voice said again.

Spencer tried to make his arm move to push Allan away but as he did the pain came back even worse.

"Don't move please, Reid. Don't move." The voice had more urgency in his voice, and not a little worry as well.

"Hotch, medics are on the way. What side did you hit him on?"

"It wasn't his bad leg. I clipped him enough to spin him into the wall. What was he doing running out without looking?" Aaron asked as he tried to keep Aaron from moving.

"He was upset about something." Spencer barely noticed that Morgan crouched next down next to Aaron.

"What the hell does he have to be upset about?" Aaron asked confused.

"I think it had to do with the fact that you took off." 

"Why would he be upset that I left? He was flirting with that guy."

"Yeah well, he didn't want _that_ guy, Hotch." Aaron looked between Spencer and Morgan and frowned, obviously conflicted over something going on in his head. Spencer tried to reach out, to reassure Aaron.

"No," Spencer said trying to move again. Hands were on him again and kept him still. There was more than one set on him. Spencer moved enough though to look at the two men who were beside him. Then one laid down beside him and looked at him.

"Don't move, Reid. I can hear the sirens." That reassuring voice was back and Spencer tried to sink into it.

"Hotch?" Spencer asked. The pain was getting worse.

"Yeah, good. Hey, look at me."

Spencer tried to focus on Hotch, but the pain was too much. He closed his eyes.

"Hey, stay awake."

"No. Tired. Hurts."

"Okay just keep talking to me. Tell me where it hurts."

"Leg, head, and arm." Spencer couldn’t think. Everything was all jumbled in his head, but he saw something in Hotch’s face that made his stomach flutter. He could be wrong, though because he wasn’t able to think clearly at the moment.

"Okay. You’re doing good."

Spencer felt something feather-light on his forehead and opened his eyes to see a hand on his forehead with something in it. When it was pulled away, Spencer realized that it looked like a napkin. It came away bloody.

"How bad?"

"Nothing that I can see is bad. This is the only blood. It's where you spun and hit your head off of the side of the building. There is no blood pooling under your leg, or your arm and Morgan checked that when we were holding you still." Hotch looked away from Spencer for a second and then he looked back with a wan smile on his face. "The medics are here. I'll tell them no narcotics and make sure that they understand that you are allergic to beta-lactams."

"Don't leave me," Spencer begged.

"You don't want Morgan to go?" Hotch asked.

"No. No. Please, Aaron, please don't leave me."

"Okay! Okay, Spencer. Calm down. I won't leave you."

Spencer closed his eyes again, but this time he gave into the darkness that was gripping him.

* * * * *

Aaron was pacing the waiting room. Guilt and fear were written all over his face and he knew it. He had not seen Spencer as he ran out of the door. If he hurt the man that he cared more for than he wanted to ever admit to himself, he would never forgive himself. 

He knew no one was approaching him because he was giving off ‘don’t come near me’ vibes. It was just one more thing that kept him apart from the others. How could he explain to them that he loved Spencer? He loved a _man_ and it was tearing him up inside. He wished more than once that he could be more open like Allan. 

Aaron looked over and saw that Allan was talking with Morgan. There was something there, his brother was attracted to his SIC. Aaron could tell in the way his brother was standing, the look on his face, the easy way in which he spoke with Morgan. Aaron wanted to be that open but didn’t know-how. His thoughts turned inward and that fear he always carried around was deep in his mind. Aaron knew he had internalized homophobia. He had no qualms about how anyone else wanted to live. He fought for those that had a hard time fighting for themselves. He didn’t care who a person loved, he just had a rough time when it came to his own feelings.

Aaron was on the edge of self-loathing and depression, he knew it and he didn’t know how to crawl out of it. On his next pass, he saw the doctor coming towards them and wrapped the armor of Unit Chief Hotchner around him. 

“Aaron Hotchner?”

“That’s me.” Aaron straightened and took a couple of steps towards the Doctor.

“Why don’t we take a walk.”

Aaron nodded. He looked towards the others that started towards them, but he held out a hand telling them to wait. He turned back to the Doctor and nodded. They were a little away from the others before the Doctor started to speak.

“First I want to assure you that Dr. Reid is going to be just fine. He has a concussion and I want him to stay overnight and monitor him. He mostly has a lot of bruising, and he will be very sore over the next few days.”

Aaron breathed a sigh of relief at the news. 

“Thank god.” The two kept walking and Aaron wondered where they were going. “So why did you want to speak with me privately?”

“It has to do with his knee. There is some minor tearing in his ACL, but also the adhesions from his former surgery tore and there was some internal bleeding and a lot of fluid on the knee. We drained the knee, but he is going to need surgery and he is refusing until he sees you.”

Aaron’s heart was racing. He felt the frown forming on his face and wondered why Reid was being so stubborn. 

“I can assume that is where we are going right now?”

The Doctor smiled and nodded. They turned a corner and were in the area for emergency patients. 

“I want to get him admitted and schedule the surgery. He is aware of the potential complications, and it means several weeks of downtime, even if we are able to do it laparoscopically. I won’t know until we get an MRI done to see the extent of the tearing. 

“His bed is the third one on the right. I need to go get the MRI ready for him. Please try to talk him into this? We don’t want the internal bleeding to get worse.”

“Thank you, Doctor. I’ll talk to him.”

Aaron took a deep breath and moved to Spencer’s bed. His heart clenched to see the bruising on the part of his arm that was visible. There was some gauze around his head, but it looked like the bleeding stopped. Spencer’s leg was elevated and he was hooked up to a monitor and an IV. It wasn’t anything Aaron had not seen before, but he had never been the cause for Spencer to be in the hospital in the first place. 

“Hotch,” Spencer said looking relieved he was there.

Aaron cleared his throat and moved closer to the bed. 

“What’s this I hear that you are refusing surgery?”

Spencer was picking at the blanket around him. 

“I wanted to see you first. I didn’t want things to linger between us. Look, that guy at the table that was flirting with me? That was a friend of Morgans.” Spencer bit his lip and looked down at his fidgeting hands.

“Okay. I don’t have a say in who flirts with you or is in your life, Reid.” 

Spencer looked up and Aaron could see misery in his eyes. 

“I don’t want that guy, Hotch. I never wanted him. Allan and Morgan came up with this crazy idea to get the guy to flirt with me all night in front of you. I...” Guilt was written on Spencer’s face.

“You played me? Is that what this was?” Anger was making Aaron’s heart beat fast as he balled up his fists that were close to his body, but he was trying not to let Spencer see by shoving them in the pockets of his jeans.

“No! No, it wasn’t like that Hotch, I promise.”

“Then tell me what it was?”

“I...” Spencer took a deep breath and looked Aaron right in the eyes. “I love you, and I know you have feelings for me. We thought...well we thought if you saw me with someone else, you’d admit them finally.”

Aaron had to turn away for a moment. He couldn’t look Spencer in the eye at the moment. He knew his anger was displaced, but he hated anyone manipulating him, especially those he cared about. When he could get himself under control he turned back to look at Spencer.

“I don’t like being manipulated and that is exactly what you and my brother were doing. Have the surgery, Reid.” Aaron spun around and started to leave.

“Hotch, please don’t go.”

Aaron closed his eyes and counted to ten. He pulled his stoic mask and turned back to look at Spencer. 

“I need to go calm down, Reid. If I stay right now I don’t know what I’ll say and I care about you too much to hurt you. But, you hurt me and I need to process that. I thought we were friends enough that you could come talk to me, not like this. Have the damn surgery, Reid and we’ll see what happens after.” Aaron spun around and left, his heart tearing in pieces each step he took.

* * * * * 

"Agent Morgan?" The doctor called out as he entered the waiting room. The doctor had already said that the surgery went well. They were just waiting to visit with Reid. It had taken longer than the doctor would have wanted to get Reid into surgery but Derek knew that no one wanted to go home before they saw him. 

"Yes, Doc?" Derek asked as he stood up. The rest of the team and Allan did as well. They all wanted to know how Spencer was doing. No one knew where Hotch was. The man had gone with the doctor to talk to him and then he never appeared again. Allan had tried to call him but had got his voicemail every time. Hotch's phone wasn't off as it rang, but Morgan was worried. 

"Dr. Reid is resting comfortably in his room."

"When can we see him?" Garcia interrupted. 

"That's the problem. Dr. Reid is refusing to see anyone. I tried to get a hold of his proxy, but Agent Hotchner isn't answering his phone. I'm sorry. I'll take your number and the second he's allowing visitors, I'll have a nurse call."

"Thanks, Doc," Derek sighed as he turned towards the group. 

"What do we do?" Garcia furrowed her brows and looked devastated. Morgan didn’t blame her, but he also knew they needed to respect Spencer.

"We respect his wishes. His and Hotch's. Forcing them right now is only going to make them hunker down more. Come on, Mama. I'll drive you home."

Morgan looked at JJ, seeing the frown on her face. They were both worried, but it seemed JJ was going to do as Morgan suggested. The only wild card was Rossi. Rossi hopefully would go after Hotch and not Reid to talk one of them to their senses. 

* * * * *

Aaron was shocked that no one showed up at his door that night or the next day. The call from the doctor that Reid had come through the surgery with flying colors had come later that day. After that, Aaron ignored his phone when the hospital called back. The voicemails the doctor left had no urgency to them, so Aaron left them unanswered.

Jack was subdued, missing hanging out with Allan, which Aaron was half tempted to call Allan to have him come and take Jack for the day. He thought it might do them both some good. Aaron needed time to think about everything that happened in so short a time.

"Dad," Jack hovered in Aaron's office doorway after lightly knocking.

"Yeah, Buddy?" Aaron asked as he turned in his chair. Jack looked hesitant which was odd for the boy. 

"Why are you sad?" Jack came into the office but stopped short of the desk.

"It's nothing you need to worry about."Aaron tried to stand up, but Jack rushed forward and climbed into his lap forcing Aaron to stay seated.. 

"You worry about me. Why can't I worry about you?" Jack’s question was innocent, but Aaron didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him to his son. There were some things that children didn’t need to know, or that was Aaron’s line of thinking at the moment.

"Because I’m an adult, Jack." He tried to keep his tone light, but even to his own ears, it sounded a little harsher than what he meant it to be.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Jack pleaded.

"It's nothing that is going to affect you. I just need some time to think, Buddy."

"Fine." Jack scowled as he scooted off of Aaron's lap and walked out of the room. Aaron opened his mouth to call Jack back, but his brain stopped him. Jack didn't need to worry about any of this. 

Aaron looked back at the forum he was in for men and women like himself. There were a few therapists who offered suggestions based on what people wrote, but the majority were people with severe internalized homophobia. Aaron wasn't sure what he wanted to do, but it was all going to be hard, and there was no guarantee that he would ever allow himself to be happy with Reid. Aaron loved the man, and he knew that, but that didn't mean he would ever get over it enough to make a life worth living with Reid. 

Closing the webpage, Aaron opened up a blank word document. He started just to type. He wanted to get out his feelings and his fears. Aaron wanted to see it in stark black and white. He was lost in the writing, the pages getting longer and longer as he typed. Everything he poured out in those pages and when he stopped for a moment to wipe away the fatigue he was feeling, he felt the tears he had not even realized he shed. A moment later Aaron heard footsteps coming towards the office and sighed. He minimized the document and rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

"Jack, please..."

"Not Jack and I'm not going to go away," Dave said. 

Aaron looked up and glared at his best friend. "Dave, I know that Reid came out of surgery okay."

"Yes, he did. He is now refusing to see anyone. You’re ignoring our calls, so I came over and let myself in. Jack's locked in his room, by the way. I can't hear anything, so I’m not sure if he's crying or not. It's rare for him to lock his door."

"We’re having a disagreement on what he feels he should be told about what’s going on."

Dave sat down in the chair across from Aaron’s desk and watched Aaron for a moment before he spoke again. "He wants to comfort you, and you aren't letting him. Not shocked. As Reid's medical proxy, you are the only one that can see him, and I think it's more the doctor afraid for the mental health of his patient."

"He will be better off without me," Aaron whispered and looked away from Dave.

"Already decided that you aren't going to start that relationship?" Dave crossed his legs and took on that same affable demeanor he took with particularly stubborn Unsubs. Aaron kind of hated him at the moment.

"We discussed this a few years back. Nothing has changed." Aaron glared, hoping the man would go away.

"You know the kid is selfless. He would take whatever you could offer and be grateful for it."

"He deserves to be loved wholly and without the hang-ups of a man who can't do that." Aaron knew the words were hollow, even to his own ears.

"So you aren't even going to try?"

"Dave, leave it. It's my decision."

Dave's phone rang before he could say anything. "Rossi," Dave said. 

Aaron turned towards his friend and saw a look of worry cross his face. Aaron's heart clenched.

"Thank you. I'll let Aaron know."

"What?" Aaron asked when Dave hung up the phone.

"Morgan went to give Reid some books to read. Something about his to-read pile at his apartment looking like a castle instead of a stack. Anyway, the Doctor said that he was transferred this morning and he is not allowed to give out the name of where he went."

Aaron rubbed at his temple. The headache that had been building hit him full force. He was a mass of emotions and confusion. Reid had gone into hiding, just like he was. He had a right to be upset, but he hadn’t meant for Spencer to hide from everyone. 

“I didn’t mean for Spencer to hide. But, I have a right to be upset, Dave. My brother, Morgan and Spencer all tried to manipulate me.”

Rossi leaned forward and looked in Aaron’s eyes. 

“I wondered who that man was that sat with us.”

“He’s a friend of Morgan’s apparently. They came up with this idea that if I saw Spencer being flirted with it would make me somehow confess everything.” 

“But it backfired. Talk to me, Aaron. What has you so afraid of pursuing something I know could be good for you?” Aaron heard the frustration in Dave’s voice and he took time to figure out what he wanted to say. Aaron laid his head back against his chair and closed his eyes. Memories flooded his mind as he tried to come to terms with his childhood in those few short moments. He was silent for several minutes but felt the weight of Dave’s eyes on him. 

“You aren’t going to go away, are you?” 

“Not until you tell me what’s going on with you.” Dave was determined and Aaron kind of hated him for it, but then he wondered if talking to someone outside the family might be a good idea.

Aaron stood and walked over to the liquor cart that was in his office. He didn’t keep much on it. A bottle of scotch or bourbon and a couple of cognac’s and that was it. He didn’t like to have a lot of alcohol in the house. Wine was okay, and he often kept a few bottles on the counter for when Spencer would come for dinner. Now, even that was in jeopardy.

“When I was twelve I didn’t look at girls. Boys caught my attention more. Allan was the one that liked girls. I met this boy who was on a trip with his family and we hit it off that summer. I thought he was cute. He was also shy and lonely like I was much of the time.” Aaron took a sip of the scotch that he had poured himself, needed the comfort of the burn. “We became inseparable that summer. One day we were laying on a blanket on a secluded part of the beach where my family’s beach house was. We started talking about everything, and the next I remember asking him if I could kiss him. He was nervous but said yes. 

“From that day we started holding hands, which most adults thought nothing of...”

“But, your father?” Rossi knew some of Aaron’s childhood, having gotten drunk on a case early in his career, Rossi got a lot more out of him than he would ever have said without the alcohol. 

“He wasn’t happy. My Mother, for once, defended me. Saying that boys, like girls held hands all the time at that age. Then, my father caught us kissing. Allan, he tried to step between my father and me, but it didn’t work. From that day until the day he ended up in the hospital on life support, my father made it his mission to beat the ‘gay’ out of me.” Aaron’s hand shook as he took another drink. He sat back down and drowned the rest of the alcohol in one swift go. 

“Aaron, are you telling me that you are actually gay?”

Looking away from Dave, Aaron spoke as if he was talking to someone else. “It’s why it took so long for Haley and I to have Jack. I’ve tried, Dave. I tried to explore it in college, but everything my father did and said to me would always come back to haunt me.” Aaron gripped the glass and tried to tamp down on the emotions that threatened to overtake him. 

“Aaron, I think you need to talk to someone. You need to put the ghost of your asshole father to rest once and for all. You need to acknowledge that you love a man and that it’s okay. No one is going to hate you. Right now, all you are doing is hurting yourself and Spencer.”  
  
Aaron sighed and pushed the glass away, wiping his hand down his face.

“That’s kind of what I was doing when you barged in here.”

“And I think you need to go talk to your son. You don’t have to tell him everything, but Aaron let him comfort you. It’ll be good for both of you.”

Aaron stood and nodded. He left Dave in the office, hoping he would leave, but not counting on it, and went to Jack’s room and knocked on the door. 

“Jack, I’m sorry, Buddy. Let me in and we’ll talk.”

Aaron heard the click of the lock, then feet walking across the room. Aaron slowly opened the door and saw his son sitting on his bed looking far too grown up for his young years. 

Aaron moved to sit on the bed and after a few moments of silence, Jack crawled into his lap. 

“I really am sorry, Jack. It’s just I am dealing with something very grown-up and don’t know how to talk to you about it. I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that.”

“Is this about Uncle Spencer?”

Aaron should have known that his son was more observant than he would like him to be. Pushing the hair that had fallen in his eye out of the way, Aaron wrapped his arms around his son. 

“Yeah, Buddy it is.”  
  
“He makes you smile more. You aren’t as sad when he’s here. Are you mad at Uncle Allan?”

“A little. He did something to me that hurt me, but I will talk to him about it, okay?”

Jack stuck his lip out like he was thinking and it was so like Spencer that it made Aaron’s heart clench. 

“Okay, Dad. Are you going to be okay?” 

Aaron pulled his son close and closed his eyes. He kissed the top of Jack’s head and wondered that himself. 

"I really don't know, Jack. It's going to take some work."

"You do good at work."

Aaron laughed despite the situation, and he kissed the top of Jack's head again. "I do, but this isn't that kind of work. Do you remember the nice lady that you went to after Mommy died? You didn't like talking to her but once you did you started to feel better?"

"Yes, do you have to talk to someone like her?"

"I do."

"Because of your dad?" Jack’s voice was almost a whisper, but Aaron heard the question. He closed his eyes. He had never brought up his father to Jack other than to say that he had died long before Jack had been born. Jack was a smart child, and it hadn't taken him long to realize that he had a grandma and grandpa on Haley's side but neither on Aaron's. Haley had handled that conversation when Jack was just three. 

"Yes," Aaron barely choked out. Jack was silent which Aaron was thankful for. Aaron had told Jessica most of the things that were pertinent to her being in their lives. Some nights she stayed over when Aaron was unsure of when he was getting home, and Jack wanted to be at home. He had nightmares, mostly about cases but sometimes cases woke up memories from his childhood. Aaron knew that Jessica wouldn't have told Jack, but he might have overheard them talking about it. Jack was getting good at sneaking around. 

"I'm glad you are going to get help, Daddy," Jack said as he snuggled down tighter into his father's arms. Aaron couldn't speak, so he just tightened his arms around Jack and pressed a kiss to his hair. 

* * * * *

Aaron had his office desk completely cleaned off of paperwork. Two weeks without Spencer in the office had shown Aaron that the genius not being in his life was not something that he could accept. The paperwork from Spencer's hospital, a smaller rehabilitation style clinic for people who didn't need to stay long term at a hospital, but couldn't be at home on their own. Aaron had checked the place out online and found that they had an exceptional reputation. It was mostly a place for the elite in the DC area to go to, but Aaron knew that it was what Spencer wanted. No one from the team was going to get inside if Spencer didn't want it, even if Garcia did some discrete hacking to find the transfer paperwork. 

"I don't think I have ever seen your desk that clean," Dave said as he leaned in the doorway. 

"I've been uniquely motivated to get things done, so I have nothing hanging over my head this weekend."

Dave stepped in and shut the door. Aaron had been expecting this since he had been leaving at lunch for a little over an hour. There was a very good psychologist on the base that saw marines as well as agents, even civilian family members of both. They didn't meet in his office but instead went out and sat in a little area that had been set up as a picnic-like area. No one else came around that much so they were able to eat their lunches and Aaron talked. Aaron's meeting that day had gone well, and Aaron was looking forward to going and seeing Spencer to talk everything out. 

"So, how are the visits going?"

"They’re going well, and that's all I’m telling you."

"It four on a Friday and you look like you’re going home." 

"I am."

"Interesting," Dave stood there waiting as if he wanted an explanation. Aaron just smiled at him and grabbed his briefcase before he stood up and started to leave his office, completely ignoring Dave. The briefcase had case files to work on if things didn't go as he planned them to. Aaron wanted to get where he was going before he got stuck in DC rush hour traffic, so he was leaving early. The rest of the team watched him leave but thankfully said nothing. 

The drive took forever in Aaron's mind even though he had traveled through light traffic. The parking at the clinic that Spencer was at was nearly empty, but that was a given since it wasn't the type of place that many went when they wanted scores of visitors. 

"Hello, how may I help you?"

"I'm here to visit Dr. Spencer Reid."

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Reid isn't accepting visitors."

"Can you please just tell him that Aaron Hotchner is here to see him?” When the nurse just folded her hands and glared at Aaron, he sighed and pulled the cared he had not wanted to pull. “ I hold his medical proxy, and I will come back with a court order and the cops that go with it." Aaron wasn't above making sure that Spencer saw him. The lady behind the desk glared even more at Aaron, but she picked up the phone and dialed a number. 

"Mr. Reid, yes. Hello, how are you feeling after therapy?" the nurse was still glaring at Aaron even though her eyes softened in response to whatever Spencer said on the other end of the line. "Well, I'm glad you’re resting." The glare hardened again. "I have an Aaron Hotchner here who is threatening to come back with a court order if he needs to." The nurse's eyes crinkled, and she smiled a little. "I'll send him your way."

Aaron stood up straighter as the nurse hung up the phone and glared again. 

"He's in room number ten in the west wing."

"Thank you. Have a lovely day." Aaron smiled his most charming smile as he walked away leaving a frowning nurse behind.

Aaron saw the signs for which way to go to find the west wing. He walked a lot faster than he usually did. Aaron hadn't seen Spencer since telling him to get the surgery. He remembered the bruised man that had looked so small on the hospital bed and cringed. Aaron found room ten quickly, and didn't knock, he just gripped the knob and turned before pushing the door open. Aaron stopped as he saw a mostly naked Spencer trying to juggle carrying a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt to the bed while on crutches. 

Spencer spun around and gasped before trying to grab something to cover himself up with. He lost control of his crutches and Aaron reacted. He rushed forward to grab Spencer and hold him up before the younger man put pressure on his leg. Aaron wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close and wrapped his other hand around Spencer's shoulder to steady him a little more. 

Aaron didn't realize until Spencer looked up at him how close he was. Spencer looked very shocked, his eyes wide and his mouth slack. Aaron was tempted to kiss him.

* * * * *

“I..ah...I’m sorry I startled you. Here, let me help you.” Aaron’s heart was racing in his chest as he held Spencer in his arms. Gently he guided Spencer down onto the bed. He took advantage of Spencer’s shock to take the pants out of his hands and help him on with first the boxers, then the sweatpants. 

As he slid the sweatpants up he looked at the new, small, scars on Spencer’s knee. Very gently he ran his thumb over the area, guilt over what happened gripped him. Impulse had him leaning forward and gently kissing the area. Tearing his eyes away from the surgery site, Aaron finished helping Spencer get dressed. Pushing the wide pant leg up, Aaron took the brace that Spencer handed him and he slipped it on and buckled it as snugly as he dared. 

“Is that okay?” Aaron was almost breathless and had a hard time looking Spencer in the eyes.

“It’s fine.” Spencer choked on the emotion that welled up as he watched Aaron. After he was settled, Spencer reached for his t-shirt and pulled it on.

Aaron stood and grabbed the chair that was in the corner and brought it around to sit in front of Spencer.

“There is a lot we need to talk about, but I need you to listen first, okay?” Aaron sat back in the chair, the moment that he and Spencer shared was long past, but he didn’t want to start anything without laying everything out.

“Alright.” Spencer moved on the bed where he was stretched out and he could use the controls to lift the bed to elevate his leg. Aaron saw the moment Spencer almost closed off, but then he looked up at Aaron and his shoulders relaxed.

“I had every right to be upset, Spencer. You and Allan tried to manipulate me. I’m not going to apologize for what I said nor for being upset. I will apologize that I left you alone and wasn’t willing to talk this all out with you at the time. 

“I was angry and afraid, Spencer. There is a lot you don’t know about my childhood. I know you’re smart enough to have guessed, but you respect my privacy and have never asked.” Aaron started slowly and didn’t hold back. He told Spencer everything. The abuse, both physical, emotional, and mental. His fears, his own internalized homophobia stemming from the abuse, and how he was talking to someone in person as well as joining an online support group for others like himself. He talked until his voice started to crack. Spencer pulled his bed tray over and poured Aaron some water. Aaron smiled as their fingers brushed together as the took the offered cup. 

“I still need time to work this all out in my head, Spencer. But, today I had a good breakthrough. I could finally admit, not just to myself, but to another person that...” Aaron’s hand was shaking and thought he had been over this, it was still hard. He took a swallow of water to help him find the courage he had earlier in the day. “I could admit that I love you, Spencer.”

“I don’t know what I’m ready for, this is all still new, but what I don’t want is to lose your friendship and if that has happened because of my actions, I’m truly sorry.” 

Spencer had to pour his own cup of water and down it to help settle his own emotions. Aaron had admitted to him things he probably never told anyone except his brother.

“No, Aaron. You haven’t lost my friendship. I’m sorry that I hid and didn’t tell you where I was going. You’re right. You did have the right to be upset. I didn’t originally want to do it, but Allan assured me it would work. When you left me alone, it hurt. I had assumed that our friendship was strong, but I know I wasn’t honest with you. I’m sorry for that too, Aaron.

“I think we both need to figure out what we want, and what this is between us and I promise no more games. No more letting others tell me what is the right way of doing things. This is between us and no one else.”

Aaron moved from the chair he was sitting on, to the bed right next to Spencer. Reaching up, Aaron pushed the stray hairs behind Spencer’s ear. He smiled and was glad that Spencer listened to him. Aaron had not looked forward to an argument. Spencer could dig in when he wanted and it took time to get him to talk. 

“I was afraid this was going to go a lot different.”

“You thought there was going to be more yelling?” Spencer smiled that smile that had captured Aaron so long ago. 

“Yeah. Kind of.”

“You aren’t the only one that’s been talking. My Doctor suggested it as part of my therapy. A lot came up for me as well and when I opened up about this, I was confronted with the truth of what I did.”

“After today, can we agree to put this behind us and only move forward? Even if it’s just baby steps?”

Spencer’s smile never left his face as he nodded vigorously. 

Aaron chuckled and cupped Spencer’s cheek with one hand. Going with what felt right in that moment, Aaron leaned forward and pressed his lips to Spencer’s giving him a kiss that was gentle and testing. He pulled back and saw the tears that fell from Spencer’s eyes. 

“Don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it. You’re here, even though you thought I might get upset with you, you’re here. You were honest and more open than I’ve ever seen you. I do love you, Aaron. We’ll take this at your pace and I won’t push.”

“Thank you.”

“I have the rest of the afternoon free. Want to stay for dinner, maybe watch something on TV?”

The smile Aaron gave Spencer was blinding and he felt lighter of heart. “I’d like that.”

#  *** * * * ***

Spencer knew they needed to talk more. He had to open up about why he was in this particular clinic. When the hospitality aide left with their dinner order from what was being offered, Spencer shifted on his side to face Aaron. Aaron was looking over one of the books that one of the aides had gone to his apartment to get. 

"I remember when you got this," Aaron said. He turned to look at Spencer a confused look on his face.

"One of the aides went and got a few things from my apartment for me. Come here please." Spencer patted the bed beside him, where the V his bent body made. "We were both still a little raw earlier, and I didn't want to push too far, but I want to explain why I am here."

"So that the team can't get to you, right?"

"Not so much that. After you left, I was not in a good place. I was like you, and I didn't want to lose our friendship. I thought I had damaged that. Between it and the pain...” Spencer didn’t want to talk about what happened in the hospital to death. He sighed before continuing. “I did outpatient therapy here several years ago."

Spencer watched Aaron's face until he knew that Aaron had understood. Spencer looked down at his hand, watching his thumb trace back and forth on the bed. Spencer expected Aaron to stop his hand or force his head up. Spencer was shocked though when Aaron got off the bed. Spencer's gut clenched, and he closed his eyes. Had he finally found the breaking point? 

Aaron though got back on the bed, but Spencer didn't open his eyes until he realized that he felt Aaron's breath on his face. Aaron was laying on the bed beside him. The bed was just large enough for that. Spencer knew that he had to say the words. That he had to admit what he had been feeling when he woke up and realized that Aaron wasn't there to make sure he was okay after his surgery. 

"It was the first time in a while that I craved."

Aaron tipped Spencer face up to his. Spencer didn't know what he thought he was going to see but he saw acceptance, not pity. Aaron didn't say anything as he trailed his fingers down Spencer's neck and then his shoulder and arm until his thumb was pressing into Spencer's bend of his elbow. 

"I wasn't aware that this facility did that kind of thing."

"Rehabilitation of all kinds. That's why therapy. I almost asked for stronger stuff in the hospital. However, there was that naggy voice in the back of my head that told me that I didn't need to throw away everything because my heart hurt."

"Thank you for telling me." Aaron leaned in just enough to press a kiss to Spencer's forehead. Spencer closed his eyes and ducked his head down. Aaron's arm went from Spencer's elbow to his back and held spencer close. "You look tired."

"I didn't get my post-physical therapy nap. I usually nap for about half an hour." Spencer yawned and tried to open his eyes. He found that his eyes were fighting him a lot. "Do you mind if I take my nap now?"

"I'll wake you when food gets here," Aaron said. 

Spencer gave a minute nod and let his whole body just go lax. Aaron shifted a little bit closer, and Spencer cuddled into him as he felt Aaron's hand played with his hair more. Spencer didn't fight the sleep that was coming over him, between physical therapy and the emotional exhaustion of talking, it wasn't hard to see why he was so tired. Between one breath and the next, he fell asleep.

XxXxXxX

Aaron was nervous about more than one thing. It was Spencer's day to be released from the clinic. The next day was a get together at his house for everyone to come to see Spencer if that was what Spencer wanted. The team knew it was tentative and Aaron would let them know later that day.

Allan had called many times, and after seeing Spencer that first time, Aaron had talked to him. They went out to a bar and drank a little and just talked. Aaron had let Allan talk to explain it all. Aaron knew where Allan was coming from. Allan had never liked Haley much for the exact reasons that had broken up the marriage. Aaron had never wanted to believe that Haley wanted to be a social climber but hindsight is 20/20. 

Jack and Aaron were closer, which Aaron thought wasn't possible given how close they were before. It was good. Jack didn't care that Aaron had a boyfriend, even though Aaron thought he was a little old for that term. Jack understood that word better than he would beau and Aaron wasn't going to call Spencer his lover to Jack. 

Spencer was still on crutches, and because of that, the doctor didn't want him going home alone. That, Aaron, was a little ashamed of. He had never known that Spencer's apartment was a walk up and he felt terrible for the fact that Spencer had stayed there after his first leg injury. Aaron's new house, bought after Jack came to live with him full time had a small room on the ground floor that hadn't been used for anything but storage of the things that Aaron didn't want in the garage until they were gone through. 

Aaron and Jack had spent the past week cleaning out the room and getting it set up as a guest room. There was a full bath on the first floor, which was part of why Aaron liked the house. 

"Aaron?" Spencer called out. 

Aaron looked up from where he was leaning against the side of the car. Spencer was balancing on his crutches, staring at Aaron. There was a bag at Spencer's feet, and Aaron rushed forward to grab it. Spencer thought that he was going home and he would if Spencer didn't want to stay with him. Dave had offered though Dave would also probably hire a nurse. Morgan was in an apartment that had an elevator, so that was always an option. 

"Hey." Aaron smiled as he stepped up to pick up the bag. It felt a lot lighter than what Aaron thought it would. "Did you steal pillows?"

"No," Spencer laughed at the gentle teasing. "One of the aides took my books back to my apartment. They let it slip that you were ushering me to your house and not my apartment. So they took everything that I wouldn't need home. That's just my clothes and medicines and other things."

Spencer didn’t fight Aaron on coming to his house, the practical side of himself said that it was good for his recovery because he wouldn’t have to walk up and downstairs. The man who was in love part of himself knew that this could potentially be good for the both of them. They needed to talk more, figure out what all of this meant for them both. He had six more weeks of leave, then he would be released back to work on a limited basis for four weeks. The Doctor would then evaluate and let Spencer know if he could start traveling again.

The small party happened. It was planned as a dinner party on the patio in the backyard. Aaron had it catered so that let everyone relax. Spencer was open to a point and told everyone that he wasn’t going to talk about personal things. Allan and Morgan apologized again, and both Aaron and Spencer told them that everything was okay and they didn’t need to keep apologizing.

Jack was happy that Uncle Spencer was going to be spending so much time at their house. He could often be found in Spencer’s room, the two of them reading together, or Jack doing his homework in there unless Spencer got tired and needed rest. 

Aaron took a week off of work to help Spencer settle, and to take him to his therapy appointments, both the physical and mental which happened back to back. After that, Will had volunteered to help, unless he had a case, but he was more flexible than any of the others.

Not everything was smooth, there were minor arguments, pushing boundaries on both of their parts, Aaron’s overprotectiveness and wanting to do everything for Spencer. Spencer’s independence. But, they were quickly resolved because they were learning to talk to each other, tell each other their needs, and learning each person’s boundaries. 

Friday’s, Aaron made sure to leave work at 4, if they were in town and not on a case. It was becoming his and Spencer’s date nights. Jessica would take Jack to dinner then either out to a movie, or something fun the both of them could do together. Aaron would cook, or if he was coming home from a case, he would get takeaway. 

They were a month into this arrangement and Aaron was nervous about this particular date night. The talk with his therapist the day before had been about physical intimacy. Aaron had talked about the few times in college he had given in and the shame that had come from it. They were hasty blow jobs outside of bars where Aaron had been half-drunk at the time. He didn’t want that crutch with Spencer. He wanted to do things right, but he wasn’t sure what he was emotionally ready for.

The meal he had made was well spiced, but no onions, garlic, or peppers. He wanted clean flavors that neither of them had to worry about bad breath. A light pasta in brown butter and light cheese sauce, salad, and some roasted vegetables on the side. 

“This is delicious, Aaron.” Spencer took a bite of the tortellini. It was a mushroom and cheese-filled version. 

“Thank you, Spencer.”

Spencer had been watching Aaron for a while that night but didn’t want to ask him about why he looked so nervous.

“I brought some more cold cases and consults for you. I know you’ve been restless.”

Spencer took sips of the French style soda that Aaron had made. He had been a little wary of the mix of cream, sparkling water, and flavoring, but he was surprised that it tasted so good. Aaron had several flavors because it was one soda he didn’t mind Jack having. All of the flavors were sugar-free, which eased Aaron on letting Jack have sodas. Spencer had chosen blackberry, Aaron had cherry.

“Thanks. I’ve been going a bit stir crazy.” Spencer reached across the table and stilled one of Aaron’s hands. “Talk to me, Aaron. Why are you acting so nervous? And why does our food have none of your favorite spices? Not that I’m not enjoying this, I am, but talk to me.”

Aaron put his fork down, took a sip of his drink, and took a deep breath. 

“During my session yesterday, we ah, we talked about intimacy.” Aaron bit his lip as he looked up at Spencer. “I talked about what happened in college and how my few experiences with men didn’t exactly go well.”

Spencer threaded his fingers with Aaron and gently ran a thumb over Aaron’s finger. 

“Aaron, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I...” Aaron took a deep breath before he continued. “I want to try something. I’m not ready for full sex, but with you here, and us getting closer I think I want to try maybe just touching?” 

Spencer saw the raw vulnerability in Aaron’s eyes and knew this was a big step for him. Pulling Aaron’s hand up to his lips, Spencer kissed the back.

“Whatever you’re comfortable doing, Aaron. I can’t do much anyway, but touching sounds good. As I said, we will go at your pace.”

Aaron felt relief swamp him. Asking for what he wanted had always been hard for him, but this was harder than anything he had ever experienced. Smiling, he went back to finishing his dinner knowing that the night was now full of so much promise.

* * * * * 

It had been years since Spencer had been in a bed with someone else. It had been his last relationship, and it had fizzled faster than anything else, there were just a handful of days where he and his boyfriend had been in bed together before the job had ended that.

This was different. With the brace and having to sleep with it because Spencer was a restless sleeper on the best of days, Spencer slept mostly naked. Aaron had told him to strip down to what he was going to sleep in. Spencer had taken him at those words, but when Aaron had entered the bedroom and saw Spencer sitting on the bed with the brace unbuckled enough to rub at his leg a little before putting it back on, Aaron had stopped.

Aaron shut the bedroom door before he stripped down to just his underwear and a T-Shirt. Spencer had the blanket ready to pull over himself. He had no clue what Aaron wanted. Spencer knew the clinical side of internalized homophobia but not the personal side. Spencer knew that Aaron's father was a bastard before Aaron had ever confirmed it. However, Spencer could never grasp that. While his father had never accepted him, he was gone long before he could get upset about Spencer's sexuality and his mom had accepted him no matter what. The thought that a parent could hate a child that they had brought into the world for something like sexuality still baffled Spencer even though he saw it nearly every single day in his work life.

Spencer glanced at Aaron who was just standing there, staring at Spencer. Spencer made himself ignore Aaron while he worked on getting his brace fastened again. He was a little shocked at the sudden weight on the bed. Spencer looked up to see Aaron reaching for Spencer's hands. Spencer stopped what he was doing and watched as Aaron gripped the base of the brace and moved it up where it needed to be before he touched skin.

Aaron's hands were warm on Spencer's skin, and after so long of just his own touch, it felt amazing. Aaron said nothing as his hands and fingers worked on the muscles in Spencer's leg that were stiff from his current physical therapy. Spencer watched Aaron's hands as they worked themselves up Spencer's leg. When the last of the muscles were tamed, Aaron worked on fastening the brace. Aaron was good at it and tried to be the one to help Spencer with it every time he took it on or off.

Spencer was lost a little in his head when he felt hesitant fingers brush right at the hem of his boxers. Spencer nodded, and the touch became harder.

"Come lay beside me," Spencer said. It would be the best position for Spencer, and there was less chance of Aaron hitting Spencer's leg. Spencer laid back and rolled to his side so that his injured leg was protected on the bed as he put his opposite leg on top. Aaron laid down, and Spencer pulled up the sheet to cover up his lower half. He didn't do it to Aaron though, keeping a light barrier between them to help keep Aaron calm. Spencer reached out first, touching Aaron's face with his hand. Aaron smiled at him before reaching out to copy it.

Spencer closed his eyes as he started to trace Aaron's face with his fingers tips. Memorizing the feel of Aaron's cheeks and nose before moving to the forehead. Aaron's hand trailed down Spencer's face to brush his thumb up and down Spencer's throat. Spencer kept his touch chaste and straightforward, just touching. Letting Aaron get used to simple touches before he graduated to more. Aaron though wasn't staying away from erotic areas. His thumb pressed into the hollow of Spencer's throat and pushed enough to make Spencer gasp. Aaron had to have felt emboldened by that because his fingers went for Spencer's pulse point next.

When every part of Aaron's face had been touched except for one, Spencer finally touched Aaron's lips. He let his fingers trace the upper edge of Aaron's top lip before actually touching the soft skin of Aaron's lips. Aaron's lips parted, and Spencer didn't know if it was from shock or from pleasure. Spencer felt the moisture from Aaron's exhales ghost over the pads of his fingers.

Spencer opened his eyes, seeing that Aaron was watching his own hands where they were touching Spencer's upper chest. Spencer knew that his upper body was flawless. It was his leg that now bore the scars from two surgeries and a bullet wound that had the blemishes. Spencer touched the tip of Aaron's ear, watching as Aaron's eyes darted up to meet Spencer's before darting back down. Aaron didn't say no, but he did exhale sharply. Spencer stilled his fingers until Aaron pushed his head up into the hand a little. Spencer traced the shell of Aaron's ear as Aaron's hands dipped down toward Spencer's belly button.

Aaron's hand curled a little, and his short nails raked slightly over Spencer's skin, which made him gasp loudly. Aaron shuffled a little closer, turning the angle of his hand sharp but Aaron didn't stop touching.

Spencer's fingers trailed down the column of Aaron's throat before he wrapped his hand around the side as his thumb followed a similar trail to what Aaron had done. Spencer was so focused on Aaron that he didn't realize that Aaron was getting bold. His hand landed on Spencer's hip, and his thumb traced the edge of Spencer's hip bone. Spencer realized then that he was hard. Spencer tried to shuffle back so that Aaron wouldn't feel that but as he did, Aaron moved his hand inadvertently brushed Spencer's hard cock. Spencer bit his lip to hold the moan in as Aaron gasped. It took a few seconds for Spencer to realize that it wasn't a good gasp.

Aaron's hand left Spencer's body, and his eyes darted up to meet Spencer's.

Spencer could see the panic in them, but he left his hand on Aaron's neck. He didn't want to stop touching, afraid that Aaron would leave if he did. The choice was taken out of his hand when Aaron shuffled back on the bed and then was gone before Spencer could even blink. Spencer couldn't hear anything over the blood rushing in his ears, but he was confident that he heard the third step up squeak as Aaron climbed them.

Not knowing what to do, Spencer sat up and grabbed his T-Shirt. He slipped it on before he got out of the bed and found his crutches. He was too tired to trust his cane. Spencer found the drawer with his sleep pants and grabbed one of the looser pairs to put on. He had no clue if he should follow Aaron or not because he had no idea what was going through Aaron's head, and he was afraid of making whatever freak-out Aaron was having worse if he followed him.

* * * * *

Aaron put the phone down with shaking hands. He had called his therapist and explained what happened. They had a good talk and it made Aaron feel a little better, more in control. Now, he needed to make it up to Spencer. He felt a little guilty for running away, but it all became too big in his head when his hand barely brushed the edge of Spencer’s cock. 

The thing was, deep down he wanted this. He wanted Spencer and he hated that his own mind was preventing him from being with who he wanted. He hated his father even more at this moment. There had been times over the years when he had felt an attraction to men, and that fear prevented anything to happen. He would laugh cynically to himself and wondered if his father had succeeded. But, he knew from experience, you can't change your sexuality. It was a part of who you were and Aaron had been made to be ashamed of who he was. 

He went to his dresser and grabbed sweats and a t-shirt. He needed to talk to Spencer. Hiding had been his MO for too long, but he knew he couldn’t hide anymore. 

Making his way to the ground floor, the first thing Aaron did was make some coffee. It was late Friday and it didn’t matter if they slept in the next day. The team was on stand-down that weekend. They had been called out several weekends in a row and Aaron fought to get them the next two weekends off. 

He waited for the coffee to finish, then poured himself a cup, then Spencer. He even doctored Spencer’s coffee like he knew the younger man liked it. Taking both cups he was going to go to Spencer’s room, but when he left the kitchen he saw that Spencer was on the couch with a book. 

Walking with purpose, Aaron moved towards the living room and set their coffees down, turning Spencer’s towards him. 

“I know I sound like a broken record, but we should talk.” 

“Okay.” Spencer looked worried as he closed up the book and turned towards Aaron. Aaron hated he had put that worry there. He leaned down and kissed Spencer, pouring all of his emotions into the kiss. 

Aaron had Spencer sit up a little, then he sat down in the corner and pulled Spencer onto his lap with his leg stretched out on the couch. Gently Aaron let his fingers run through Spencer’s hair. He tilted his head slightly and took the time to gather his thoughts. 

“I don’t want what we are building to end. I want this, Spencer. And, I’m sorry I freaked out. I called my therapist, she had told me that I could call anytime. We talked and it was a good talk. When my hand brushed your cock, everything became so real all of a sudden. In my head, I saw all of the possibilities, and what it all meant and it was too big. All of these emotions wants, needs, fears, old ghosts, all slammed into me at once. I know I should have talked to you right away, but I wasn’t even sure what my own mind was at the time.”

Aaron had his arms loosely around Spencer. He pulled his left hand away, then tugged on Spencer’s t-shirt till it loosened and he could get to the skin underneath. 

“I wanted to come after you, but I wasn’t sure where your head was at. As long as you talk to me, even if it’s hours later, then we can make this work. Thank you, Aaron, for coming back. I was worried that I had done something or pushed you too far...”

“No! No, it wasn’t you and I wanted it. Your touch, Spencer, is amazing. I haven’t been touched that way in far too long and it was a little overwhelming. The way you responded to me, even though I left as I did, a part of me was happy that I could do that to you.”

Aaron’s hand wasn’t idle as he caressed every inch of Spencer’s chest. His fingers brushed along the fine hairs, he lingered on the slowly hardening nipples. The little gasps he got from Spencer made his own cock twitch, but he wasn’t quite ready for Spencer to touch him there yet. 

“Aaron, you keep doing that...” Spencer’s voice strangled as Aaron lightly pinched a nipple just to see how Spencer would react. 

“Can I touch you again, Spencer?” Aaron’s heart was speeding up as he thought about what he wanted to do. He let his fantasies flood his mind, pushing out the voice of his father, strong in knowing what they were doing wasn’t shameful. 

“Y-you are, j-Jesus, Aaron.”

Aaron chuckled as he pulled Spencer closer, he kissed along the side of Spencer’s jaw. 

“No, Spencer. Can...can I touch your cock?”

Spencer closed his eyes and shuddered a little in Aaron’s arms.

Opening his eyes, Spencer searched Aaron’s face looking for something. When all he saw was a curious, open expression, he nodded. Then with Aaron’s help, he pushed his sweats and boxers down to his ankles. 

Aaron watched with fascination as Spencer’s cock filled as his fingers just brushed over the head. The skin was silky soft like he thought it would be. His breathing sped up as he slowly got bolder and just barely wrapped his hand around the shaft. Aaron noted all of the differences in Spencer’s cock compared to his own. 

Spencer let out a moan as Aaron experimented, moving his hand over the cock. He took his time and when Spencer let out a little whine, the hand not playing, gripped Spencer’s neck, and pulled him closer kissing him as he felt bolder and more sure of himself. 

The kissing turned heated as Aaron thrust his tongue inside Spencer’s mouth, wanting to taste and explore. All Spencer could do was hold on letting Aaron keep the control in what was happening. Just when it was becoming a little painful, Aaron moved his hand and stopped kissing long enough to spit into his hand. Barely seconds later, he was again kissing Spencer, his hand flying over Spencer’s cock. 

Spencer pulled back, his breath hitched and his body stiffened.

“Aaron, I’m going to come if you don’t stop.” 

Aaron pulled away only enough to watch Spencer as he finally let go. The look on his face was a wonder to Aaron. The hitch in his breath, the bowing of his body, and the thrust of his hips all told Aaron that Spencer liked what he was doing. He looked down just in time to watch as Spencer’s release coated his hand, and landed on the edge of Spencer’s t-shirt. 

Feeling even bolder, Aaron crushed his mouth against Spencer’s in a hard kiss. When he pulled back, Spencer was wiping the edges of Aaron’s eyes.

“What’s wrong, Aaron?” 

“I...I didn’t know anyone could look so beautiful.” 

Aaron touched the sides of Spencer's face with his clean hand. Spencer looked wrecked in a way that made Aaron feel smug.

"Now what?" Spencer asked, his voice breathless. He tried to move but his face crinkled up in what looked like pain. Spencer held up a hand, and Aaron stopped. "We are too big for this couch to do this. My knee is fine I just used it too much."

"Let's go to your bed," Aaron suggested, and he looked for Spencer's crutches. He found them and reached out for them while Spencer righted his clothes. Aaron let Spencer push himself up and get steady before Aaron slipped off of the couch as well. The room was still covered in the clothes that Aaron had taken off before he had run and so Aaron picked those up and set them down on the dresser. The bed was turned down to the bottom, and Aaron watched as Spencer sat down before setting his crutches against the wall.

Spencer was lost in his own world inside of his head as he settled fully on the bed and stripped his shirt off. Aaron watched him use it to clean up where a little bit of his release was on him. Aaron hadn't realized that he had wiped his own hand on his pants. Aaron could feel his cock and knew that he was still hard. He had no idea what Spencer had planned but by the look on Spencer's face, he had something planned.

"So you were okay with me touching your face and your neck," Spencer said as he carefully swung his leg up onto the bed before swinging the other up. He settled back on the bed on his back and looked at Aaron for a few seconds before reaching over and turning on the lamp on the stand. Aaron wasn't sure why Spencer had turned it on.

"Yes."

"Good." Spencer crooked his finger at Aaron and pointed at the foot of the bed. Spencer sat up and started to work his sweatpants off. "How do you feel about crawling up here and getting off by using frottage?"

Aaron had to swallow a few times and get moisture in his mouth to answer that because every single molecule of wet left his mouth with Spencer’s words.

"You are used to a specific role in sex, and until you are comfortable doing that role with me, there is no way that you could, right now, submit to being the one getting it done to them. Thankfully for you, I am a very greedy bottom, and I adore being held down and having an Alpha Male in bed with me."

Aaron said nothing as he got naked and climbed onto the bed. Spencer grabbed the pillow that his head was resting on before spreading his legs. Aaron realized that he was half hard again and they hadn't done a thing. That gave Aaron a rush of pride and pushed down on the voice in his head that this wasn't right. Spencer crooked his finger again, and Aaron followed what Spencer wanted. As Aaron settled between Spencer's legs, the younger man gripped the pillow hard. Aaron understood what he was doing. Spencer was forcing himself not to touch. Aaron wanted to tell Spencer that he could, but Aaron wasn't that sure of himself. He knew he would back off if Spencer touched him and he didn’t want this to end.

Aaron pushed down on his fear as he settled between Spencer’s legs. His heart was pounding, and his body broke out in a light sheen of sweat. While he had fumbled blow jobs in college, he had never gone this far with any of the men he had even that small amount of sex with. He looked up in Spencer’s eyes and the love and patience he saw there helped him settle some more. He touched Spencer’s cheek and that small contact bolstered him and let him relax into what was happening.

"Fuck," Spencer whispered as their cocks brushed. Aaron moved his hand down to touch Spencer's knees before trailing his hands down Spencer's thighs. When Aaron was just inches from Spencer's cock, he let his nails catch on Spencer's skin as he moved his hands to Spencer's outer thighs. Back up to Spencer's knees, he went until he could wrap Spencer's leg around him, being careful about having the injured one loosely wrapped around his waist. The brace felt weird on his body, but Aaron would get used to it, it was warm with Spencer's body heat. Aaron pushed on Spencer's thighs hard, telling him wordlessly not to move them. Spencer nodded, and his eyes fell closed as Aaron scooted that last little bit that let their cocks fully connect. Aaron leaned up to open the dresser drawer. He had seen the lube in it before, and it was right where he remembered. Aaron poured out enough to cover their cocks and give them the slick they needed to do what Spencer wanted.

Aaron didn't linger on their cocks as he got them slick, he transferred what was needed and did nothing else. Aaron cleaned his hand on Spencer's shirt that he grabbed from the floor before he braced himself on his hands above Spencer and rocked their bodies together.

"Like this?" Aaron whispered.

"Yeah, right like this." Spencer opened his eyes and looked up at Aaron. "Good."

Aaron groaned before he ducked his head down to kiss Spencer. Just like Spencer was submitting to him on the bed as soon as Aaron's tongue touched his lips. Spencer shuddered as Aaron's tongue invaded his mouth. It was heady that Spencer trusted him this much, that he loved Aaron this much.

"Look at me," Aaron whispered when he pulled back to be able to see Spencer's face. Spencer opened his eyes and looked at Aaron. Spencer's face lit up with the smile that he pasted on his face. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Spencer whispered back like saying it louder would break whatever spell they had going on between them.

"Let me see you come again, beautiful," Aaron’s voice was near breathless as he kept his eyes on Spencer’s face. Wanting to see the pleasure that Aaron was giving him. While his fears weren’t completely gone, they were melting away a little. Aaron knew he still had work, but this, right here and now, this was good and he wasn’t going to let anything break the connection he was forming with Spencer.

"Aaron," Spencer panted. Spencer rocked up into Aaron's body with Aaron's next thrust and then he was coming, his still injured leg dropping down onto the bed while the other tightened around Aaron. "Aaron." The way Spencer said his name was almost like a prayer.

The second time that Spencer said his name did it for Aaron, he came adding to the mess on their groins. Spencer's eyes opened after falling shut during orgasm, and he looked all over Aaron's face, looking for something that probably said Aaron was not okay with what happened but to Aaron nothing that was as beautiful as what they had done could be bad.

"I'm good," Aaron said before he pressed a kiss to Spencer's lips. Spencer hummed into the kiss before he turned his head to the side to yawn. "I'll go and get something to clean us up. You stay here, and if you are asleep when I get back, it'll be fine. We've had a little stress today."

"Just make sure to cover me, please," Spencer whispered as his eyes closed again.

"Of course." Aaron knew that Spencer would probably be asleep before he got back and so it would be a surprise for Spencer if Aaron was there in the morning. If Aaron wasn't there, Spencer couldn't be upset at all. Aaron actually thought that no matter what as long as Aaron hadn’t run or kicked Spencer out, Spencer would be happy with whatever made Aaron comfortable.

Aaron vowed that he would try and sleep in the bed with Spencer. They both deserved it.

#  *** * * * ***

Aaron came out of the bathroom to see that Spencer was laying on the side with his uninjured leg, with his good one crossed over. His breathing was slow and even, which told Aaron that Spencer was asleep. He debated on whether he should put his clothes back on or not. Deciding to be bold he walked naked around the bed and slipped into the other side, then scooted to where he could spoon behind Spencer, his arm he threw around Spencer’s waist and pulled him close. 

Nuzzling at Spencer’s neck Aaron thought about how he had missed being in bed with someone, even just to sleep. The physical connection to another person had always been such a big thing for him. Haley had been safe, and Aaron often wondered if she knew it and that more than anything was why their marriage fell apart. He was lying to the both of them. It was something to consider, maybe talk out as part of his issues with just being who he really was.

Spencer was soft and pliant in his arms, and Aaron took the opportunity to explore with his hands. He wanted to catalog everything, to feel it all. The hairs on Spencer’s legs Aaron touched, feeling how surprising soft they were. Spencer’s soft skin, which Aaron was quickly becoming addicted to touching. He never thought another man could feel this way. He tried not to compare the planes and hard lines of Spencer’s body to the curves of Haley’s but he almost couldn’t help it. He liked those hard planes, and Spencer’s hips, long legs, flat stomach, and chest. Aaron got lost in his head as he touched everywhere. When it got too much and he found himself hard once again, he knew he had to stop as the rest of his body told him it was time to sleep. 

Plastering himself along Spencer’s back, Aaron felt himself letting part of his past go. He knew it was going to take time, but Spencer, his beautiful Spencer was willing to wait, to work with him, to be there for the hard times, as well as the good, and Aaron wondered how he got so goddamn lucky. 

* * * * *

Spencer woke up warm and comfortable, but he had to use the restroom. His awareness was slowly coming back to him. The arm around his waist and the cock pressing at his back both told him that Aaron had stayed. Not wanting to disturb Aaron he carefully slipped out of bed, did what he needed then slipped back in. Gently he pushed Aaron to his back then slipped back in bed and curled up next to him with his head on Aaron’s chest. 

Spencer never thought they would ever get here. He knew they had a long way still to go, but he was willing to travel the hard, possibly rocky road with Aaron. The man was acknowledging his own sexuality for the first time in his life and dealing with the emotions and trauma from his childhood. Spencer would be patient. He smiled to himself as an arm came around him and pulled him close. 

“Morning, beautiful,” Aaron murmured before placing a lazy kiss on the top of Spencer’s head.

"Morning," Spencer said trying not to sound as ecstatic as he was. Aaron had stayed, and that meant a lot to Spencer. Aaron tensed for a few seconds before he settled down again, his body going soft. Spencer realized that it had to be the feel of his erection on Aaron's hip. Spencer tried to move back, but Aaron was gripping him tighter.

"Don't."

"Okay."

"We’ve got a little time before Jack wakes up. I want to try something else. How does your knee feel?"

"Fine so far. It didn't hurt when I went to the bathroom."

"Do you think you can sit on me? Sit on my groin and sit with your legs out, not bent. I can prop my legs up so that you have something to hold onto."

"And do what?" Spencer asked, but he started to move the way that Aaron wanted. They were both naked, and Spencer wanted to touch, but he didn't want to freak Aaron out yet. Touching would come with time. 

"I want to watch you jerk off."

Spencer blew out a breath and smiled. This was another step along the journey and he would give this to Aaron. He knew they needed to talk about everything that happened, but that could come later. Spencer stretched out his still injured leg to where it was alongside Aaron's side. Aaron grabbed another pillow and propped his head and upper chest up more. Aaron found the lube and handed it to Spencer. Spencer slicked up his cock and hand, groaning at the feel. Aaron moved a little, and Spencer felt his cock along his ass crack. That alone almost made Spencer come long before he wanted to. Spencer closed his eyes and started to stroke. 

Aaron's breathing deepened by degrees as Spencer jerked his cock. Aaron's hips were rocking just enough to give Aaron friction on his cock but not enough to disrupt Spencer. 

"You are so beautiful," Aaron said as he reached down to cup Spencer's balls, their hands hitting once before Aaron found a way to do it so that it didn't happen again. Spencer spread his good leg as far as he could to give Aaron better access, but Spencer never opened his eyes. 

The brush of a finger over his hole had Spencer snapping his eyes open at the same time that he came. Spencer groaned as all Aaron's finger did was explore. He could feel Aaron's cock against his ass and tried not to rub too much on it. Aaron grabbed Spencer's hips and tipped him back. Spencer moved down, trusting Aaron not to hurt him. As soon as Spencer felt himself settle on Aaron's leg, those legs disappeared, and he was on the bed between Aaron's legs. Aaron pushed himself up to where he was kneeling between Spencer's legs, his cock in hand. Spencer watched him jerk off for Spencer. It only took a few strokes before Aaron was coming all over him. 

"Aaron?" Allan called out from somewhere else in the house. Spencer looked up at Aaron with a shocked look on his face. 

“Shit,” Aaron growled. He hated being interrupted, he had wanted to clean them up and snuggle back down on the bed with Spencer in his arms. To think about everything he had done and talked it all out with Spencer. Instead, he was scrambling off the bed to go to the bathroom, hastily washing up, then pulled on the sweats and t-shirt from the night before. 

“Aaron? You’ve not been answering my calls the last couple of days,” Allan yelled and Aaron heard footsteps coming from the living room area.

Spencer was trying to sit up without hurting his leg and just lifted his brow at Aaron. 

“I didn’t want to answer his calls when we had all of this to work out,” Aaron hissed as he found Spencer’s running pants and T-shirt. Aaron looked down and still saw the confusion on Spencer’s face. Smiling softly he bent down and kissed him. “I’m okay, Spencer. I promise that we’ll talk after I deal with my meddling brother.”

Spencer smiled and knew there was a tiny lie, but he would let Aaron have it, for now. Nodding, Spencer was able to get his clothes on and was slipping his own T-shirt over his head when he heard the click of the door closing. Sighing, he had to remember baby steps.

Aaron hated the impression he was giving Spencer. He could admit that hearing his brother’s voice gave him a bit of a minor freak out just as he came all over his lover like he had. Taking a deep breath he found Allan in his kitchen making coffee.

“Allan.” Aaron didn’t even try to hide the stern quality to his voice. Allan turned around and looked Aaron up and down.

“You look wrecked. What happened to you?”

Aaron swallowed hard as he took the few steps he needed to get to the fridge so he could pull out a bottle of water. He drank almost half before he turned back to look at Allan.

“Nothing,” Aaron squeaked out.

“Right.”

Aaron tried very hard not to let the heat creep up his neck, but he couldn’t stop it if he tried. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see how you and Spencer were doing. Can I infer that you’re doing well?” The little smirk Allan had on his face made Aaron scowl at him. He said nothing as the coffee pot finished and Allan made himself and Aaron a cup. Aaron quickly made one for Spencer and took the two cups towards the living room. Spencer was on the couch with an ottoman under his leg propping it up. Aaron set the coffee down and grabbed a pillow and slipped it under Spencer’s leg. Smiling he handed Spencer the cup of coffee before he sat down on the couch, close but not touching. Having his brother startle him had made him a little gun shy. 

“We’ve talked.” Aaron sipped his coffee trying to hide the darkening color on his face. 

“I think you’ve done a little more than talk, oh brother mine.” Allan smiled and leaned forward. “This is a good thing, Aaron. I can see you’re having a minor freak out and I’m sorry. I was just worried.”

Aaron looked down in his coffee a moment, then back up to Allan. He couldn’t help the emotions that spilled out all over his face. 

“This is all new for me, Allan. I’m working it all out. And Spencer,” Aaron turned and smiled at Spencer so big that his dimples popped out and he looked happy. “Is the most patient, considerate, wonderful person. I couldn’t ask for anyone better.” 

“Aaron...” Now it was Spencer’s turn to blush. 

“Well, I, for one, am glad it’s working out. There’s just one small thing.”

Aaron frowned, his brother’s ‘small things’ were never small.

“What?”

“Sean showed up at my new place last night. He was...” Allan looked down at his coffee, an almost exact copy of when Aaron did it. Spencer was still trying to get used to how very alike the twins were. There was a profound sadness in Allan’s face and Spencer felt for the brother’s.

“High?” Aaron didn’t quite mean for it to come out like a growl, but it did.

“Yes. He asked for help and I think...I think he might mean it this time. He wants to see you, us.”

Aaron narrowed his eyes at his twin and started to laugh, but there was no humor in it. Aaron glared at Allan and shook his head. “He’s waiting in your car, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

Aaron thought for a moment and decided to hear Sean out. Hopefully, this was genuine, Aaron didn’t want to have to go through another round of rehabs, new jobs, getting fired, etc that they had gone with Sean. Each time it hurt just that much more.

“Alright. Let him in.” Aaron turned to Spencer, “You don’t have to be here. If you need more to read I can help you to the office.”

“No. I’ll be fine, I’ll give you guys some privacy, I just want to finish my coffee.” Spencer picked up his coffee cup and started to sip from it. Allan was letting Sean into the house. Spencer could see all of the signs, he knew them too well. 

“Sean.” Aaron stood and the two brothers stared at each other.

“Aaron.” Sean glared back. Spencer wondered if it was an ingrained family trait. “What’s he doing here?”

“He’s my friend and he’s healing from an injury. Frankly, it isn’t your business why Spencer is here.”

Sean snorted and shook his head as he set a bag down near the door.

“Right, like I don’t know you’re fucking him. Just like Dad always predicted, once a fag...” Sean didn’t get any more words out before Aaron did something he never thought he would do, he hit his brother square on the jaw. Unfortunately, that was the same time that Jessica was entering the house with Jack walking right in front of her.

Spencer watched the horror go over Aaron's face and Jessica's. No one knew what to do. Sean was on the floor with Aaron standing over him. There was utter silence until Jack took off running. The adults watched him and for a second Spencer thought that he was running to the upstairs but instead came around the couch and cuddled into Spencer's side.

"Why did Uncle Sean call Daddy a bad name?" Jack asked. He was looking at Sean in fear but was sparing no glances for Aaron at all.

"Because he only sees and knows what he wants to. Remember the talk that we had about why the people down the street moved, even though you really liked them?" Spencer asked Jack, remembering well the conversation about the Middle Eastern family who had left the neighborhood due to intolerance. "Your Uncle Sean is like that. Also right now he's in a lot of pain, and he's acting out. Like you did that time your Dad wouldn't get you that toy you really wanted."

"I remember. Dad was upset with me for days. Aunt Jessica was too."

"Yes. Your father is also acting like a brute." Spencer looked at Aaron, seeing the shame there. At least Sean was quiet at the moment. Allan was looking on in shock at both of his brothers. "However, it's not exactly out of character considering what your uncle said. He wanted a reaction, and he got it. Why don't you and I go into the kitchen and get a snack? You can carry my coffee."

Jack eagerly nodded and picked up Spencer's coffee with ease. The room was silent as Spencer made his way slowly to the kitchen where Jessica joined them after a minute. Spencer sat down where he would still be able to mostly listen to what was being said in the living room.

"You have a piss poor way of showing that you want help, Sean. You used to hate the way that father treated Aaron, and now you are spouting his beliefs as something to uphold? While father hated homosexuals, he hated drug users worse because at least, in his eyes, homosexuals contributed to society. They had jobs, and they did shit. Drug users were drains on everyone around them. The entire family is affected by this."

There was a noise like someone was moving around before steps sounded in the kitchen behind Spencer. Spencer watched Aaron walk to the freezer and grab two bags of peas from it. The two in the door, Spencer had learned, were ice packs and not to be eaten as they had been unfrozen and refrozen many times. Jack liked them better than fake ice packs as he called them and Spencer had been using them. Spencer watched as Aaron draped one over his knuckles before looking at Spencer. Aaron stepped over to him and crouched down. He set the free ice pack down on the table and reached out to touch Spencer's face. There was such relief in his eyes when he touched Spencer's skin.

"What has you scared?" Spencer asked.

"That you would flinch from my touch."

"You hold tight to everything, Aaron that a snapping point was going to happen. I'm not shocked that it happened with what Sean was saying. I was never scared of you even when you started to strip down to fight with Hardwicke and watching you punch your brother in some valiant effort to regain the masculinity that he was robbing from you by saying what he said isn't going to scare me either."

"We’ll talk later." Aaron turned his face from Spencer to look at Jessica. She didn't seem that upset either.

"I don't like violence but Jack and I both heard the last of what he said, and while I would never condone it, I understand it." Jessica smiled.

"And you buddy?" Aaron turned to Jack to watch him.

"I don't like it, but Spencer made me understand why. I also don't like Uncle Sean right now." Jack’s eyes were wet, but he was stubborn like his father and wasn’t letting himself cry. Aaron gently touched Jack’s face in a reassuring gesture. Jack reached both hands out to touch Aaron’s face, then pulled him close and kissed his forehead. “I love you, Daddy.”

"I love you too, Buddy. And it’s okay to be upset. Are you hungry?"

"I wanted to eat breakfast with you and Spencer." The pout came out and Aaron softly chuckled.

"Why don't you eat breakfast with Spencer while I take care of Uncle Sean and Uncle Allan?" Aaron turned and looked at Spencer who nodded. "Then maybe we can see about doing lunch just the three of us at that arcade place that you like with the pizza?"

"And can we go to the bookstore?" Jack looked at Spencer more when he asked that one. Spencer waited for Aaron to answer that question.

"We shall see depending on how Spencer feels after the arcade." Aaron turned his head and his body back toward Spencer. Spencer watched the subtle play of emotions on his face before Aaron reached up to brush a knuckle down the side of his face. That was twice now that Aaron had shown affection for Spencer in front of Jessica. Jack was typical, the boy was used to it, but Jessica was new. Aaron stood up before ducking down to press a chaste kiss to the corner of Spencer's mouth. Spencer gasped but stayed still. Aaron straightened up with a smile on his face that went all the way up to his eyes.

"We’ll stay here until you decide what you and Allan are going to do about Sean."

"Good. Don't be afraid to call the cops if it seems Sean is going to get out of hand. We both know what drug users are like." Aaron immediately regretted the words that came out of his mouth, but when he looked at Spencer there wasn’t anything on his face to indicate that Aaron had hurt or insulted him.

“Aaron,” Spencer got his lover’s attention.

“I am so sorry...”

Spencer reached out and gripped Aaron’s hand and held it a moment.

“Don’t be sorry. We deal with a lot of substance abuse, Aaron. You can’t automatically assume that you’re going to hurt me with something you say. If it’s derogatory to me, you’ll definitely know.” Spencer smirked as he held Aaron’s hand.

“You are amazing. Give us a few minutes.” Aaron picked up the bag of peas he wasn’t using then went back to the living room where he saw Sean sitting in a chair and Allan on the couch glaring at Sean.

Aaron handed over the bag and Sean took it, holding it up to his eye.

“What the hell was that?” Sean was almost pouting and Aaron pressed his lips together as he grabbed a chair to sit down.

“You really don’t understand what you said?”

“I understand perfectly, Aaron.” The snotty tone in Sean’s voice had Aaron sighing and shaking his head. “Dad was right, wasn’t he?” The venom in Sean’s voice had Aaron wondering what the hell was going on with his brother.

“What’s going on with you, Sean? You said you wanted our help and now you’re acting like an asshole. Was everything you told me on the way over here a lie?” Allan frowned and leaned forward glaring at his brother.

Sean set the bag of peas on his lap and looked between his brothers.

“I want access to my trust fund.” Sean sat up and squared his shoulders. “I want to open my own place.”

Aaron and Allan shared a look with each other before turning back to Sean. 

“No.” They both said in unison.

“Why the fuck not?” Sean frowned as his mouth turned up in a sneer.

“Hey! Watch your language.” Aaron’s glare turned harder as his brother shrank back. “You don’t have access for a very good reason. You can’t even budget your monthly allowance, Sean. You keep falling back on partying, using drugs, and drinking. Even if I wanted to authorize it, I can’t. Our lawyer, and Dad’s ex-business partner wouldn’t agree to it. There are stipulations for all of us. You, it’s staying clean and finishing school. Allan, it was if he didn’t make any money with his music in a specified time period, he could be cut off. And me...”

Aaron looked over to Spencer, this wasn’t something he had talked about to anyone and he knew Spencer was going to hear and get upset. But, he would give up everything he had, except Jack, to keep Spencer in his life.

“And you, what?”

“I was never to have a relationship with a man.” Aaron heard the sharp intake of breath from Spencer, but Aaron turned and looked Sean right in the eye. “So you see, neither of us will get Dad’s money except for Allan.”

* * * * * 

Spencer listened as Sean kept demanding more and more and turning into what Spencer was sure was a petulant child. Sean showed how much he was the spoiled child of the three brothers. The fault of that laid at the feet of his parents and Spencer knew that wishing someone using drugs on them wasn't good but he felt that Aaron's parents had reaped what they had sowed when it came to Sean Hotchner. 

Jack was eating and trying not to listen but a lot of the words that Sean was saying were impossible to keep from the boy. Spencer nodded toward the back door and Jessica nodded.

"Jack, buddy, why don't we go outside?" Spencer asked.

"Okay." Jack worked on carrying his things out and Jessica carried Spencer's coffee but his breakfast was left where it was because Spencer had no appetite and thankfully Jessica didn't push it. 

Spencer hated Aaron's father and he hated everything that the man had done to his son even after his death. There was little that could be done as Aaron was in a relationship with Spencer, no matter how light and easy it was and how freaked out Aaron was by it all. There was nothing that could be done about the money. Spencer looked at Jack. Aaron would have used that money for Jack, a good school, and an even better college, wherever Jack wanted to go for whatever degree that he wanted. Spencer was the reason that Jack would never have that. Spencer didn't like Aaron keeping that from him and he knew that Aaron had done it because Spencer wouldn't have agreed to this if Aaron had told him. It was one thing to make a decision when all of the facts were known, but to hold back that information felt wrong to Spencer. 

"Actually, Jessica I think that maybe a walk will do me some good. I'm just going to go to the end of the block and back. I'll have my phone. When I've been doing them with Aaron it's taken us twenty minutes to get there and back so if I take longer than twenty-five, don't hesitate to send Aaron or even Allan."

"Sure," Jessica said and Spencer knew that she didn't want to agree but Spencer was a grown adult and he was capable of doing it on his own. Spencer made sure that his brace was on his leg correctly and securely before he got up. Jack gave Spencer a smile and Spencer smiled back. 

Spencer took his time as he made his way across the yard and to the side door of the fence. He didn't care about leaving it open, Jack wouldn't run off and it would be hard for him to shut it with his leg. Spencer started to go faster when he hit the edge of the yard and made it onto the sidewalk. Spencer was glad that he was alone on the street at the moment. Spencer had to figure out what he wanted because it was never going to go away that him being with Aaron was stopping him from getting something that should be his. 

It took little time for Spencer to know that he wasn't going to run away, he was going to stay and he was going to talk to Aaron. He would let Aaron explain and then he would explain his own reason behind why he was upset. Spencer found a bench that people sat and waited for the bus. Sitting down, he stretched his leg out and tried not to think about what was happening back at the house. 

"So, I'm going to assume Aaron didn't tell you," Allan said as he sat down beside Spencer on the bench. 

"No."

"We might be twins but Aaron was never enough for our father and Aaron internalized everything that happened. Our father fixated on him. Aaron got berated for things that we both did and I never got in trouble. Aaron never took it out on me. We grew closer the more that father tried to destroy him. I can't even fathom his reason for not telling you. I know that he talked to his therapist about it. Whatever he discussed in therapy, he must have decided to not talk to you about it yet. Just don't..." Allan sighed as he frowned while looking out at the houses across from them.

"I'm not going to go off the deep end, Allan. I'll let him talk and I'll make him understand why it was not his choice, not his choice alone that is." Allan studied Spencer for a moment then just nodded his head before standing up and slipping his hands in his pockets. It was another gesture so like Aaron’s that it made Spencer laugh despite the situation.

"Jessica sent me because you were not in sight and you were taking longer than you had told her you would. Aaron is getting ready to take Sean to the same place that you were at. Sean is going to sign paperwork that allows Aaron to control every single aspect of his stay until he is deemed stable. He won't be able to check out on his own and no one is allowed in to see him or talk to him until his therapist gives their okay.."

"And what happens when he gets out?"

"I know a chef that will take him on as a scut chef in his restaurant. He'll work his way up the line and when he makes it to head chef, he'll be given a restaurant that my friend owns. He'll run it like his own and he'll have control. As long as he takes a daily urine test for the first year, weekly blood, and hair tests. The next year is every other week for urine and blood and then just monthly hair tests after. That's the stipulations on him getting access to his trust to open his own place, which he can do after a year of running the restaurant as the head chef. It's going to be a hard road but if he wants it, he'll get it."

"What happens if he relapses?"

"Father's partner will get control of the restaurant if it goes that far. If it's before the restaurant is up and running, all of Sean's trust will go to charities that were near and dear to our father's heart that have to do with the wealthy keeping their wealth and the lower classes staying where they belong."

"What's going to happen to Aaron's money?"

"As soon as our father's partner finds out about his relationship with you, it'll go to groups that want to destroy LGBT rights."

“That’s...” Spencer didn’t even have words for what Allan was telling him. 

“Fucked up? Yeah, it is.” Allan leaned forward, his arms on his legs. “You didn’t eat much. Are you hungry?”

“I couldn’t eat before. Hearing all of that stuff and knowing Aaron kept something important from me gave me knots in my stomach.”

“Look, don’t jump to conclusions, Spencer. I know for Aaron to get where he is at with you, it’s been a hard road and taken him time to open up. I’ve never seen him this happy with someone, not even Haley. I know he tried to make it work with her, but they wanted very different things.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll listen, and I suppose I could eat a little something. I take it that it’s going to be a while before Aaron comes home.”

“He wants to make sure Sean goes through intake and then talk with the administrators on what will happen with Sean’s care and what we can realistically expect.”

Allan stood and gently clasped Spencer on the shoulder. Spencer stood and the two of them walked silently back to the house where Allan went inside to the kitchen to make something for Spencer to eat. Spencer went to the back patio where he had a book on the table and pulled it towards him and started to read. Sometime later a plate was put in front of him, something simple, chips and a turkey sandwich. Spencer ate mostly because his stomach growled, but he didn’t really taste the food, he was too anxious to enjoy it. 

Allan softly played while he stretched out on one of the lounge chairs. Spencer listened with one ear while he focused on his book. The combination was helping him to relax enough that he could let go of some of the anxiety that had developed in the pit of his stomach.

When Aaron had finally come home, Jack ran inside and Spencer let father and son have a few minutes together. He could see them through the glass doors that separated the inside of the house from the backyard. 

Jack ran off to his room, then Aaron was walking outside. He looked nervous as hell and Spencer didn’t want him to think the worst. 

“Come here.”

Aaron moved towards Spencer and when he got close, Spencer took his hand gently tugged till they were face to face.

“I’m still here and I don’t plan on going anywhere until we talk about this.”

Aaron took a shuddering breath as he laid his forehead against Spencer’s. The two of them stayed as they were until they heard Allan quietly get up and go inside. Aaron stood and pulled a chair close, then took one of Spencer’s hands in his.

“I know you think I should have told you about the trust fund and before you say anything, let me get this out.”

Spencer sat up a little straighter in his chair and only nodded for Aaron to continue.

“If I had told you about it before we got to this place that we are together, you would have run. Or you would have thought of Jack and told me that he was more important. But, as much as I love my son, and as much as that money would go a very long way for him, you and I are just as important. This was a decision I had to make and for a long time, it did weigh into why I found it difficult to want a relationship with you.

“My father was a bastard and he wanted to hurt me even after he died. I knew early on that he put restrictions on all of his actions when it came to me. When I was old enough to not have to have parental consent for a bank account, I opened up my own account. I would stash birthday money, graduation gifts, allowance, and money for grades in a locked box in my closet. Only Allan knew I had it. I would only take just enough here and there for some fun money, but the rest I finally was able to put it in a bank when I was sixteen. The bank I chose had less strict rules for those under the age of eighteen. I was already graduating early and decided before going to University to take some finance and accounting classes at the local community college.” Aaron looked down at his and Spencer’s hands and let out a cynical laugh. 

“My father actually had no issues with that decision. Or the job I got at a small local law office. Allan,” Aaron looked inside where Allan was playing with Jack in the living room. “He began playing and singing in earnest. Together we started A&A Records. It was barely anything at the time, but while I was taking finance classes, Allan was in music classes that included producing and managing. I have a 49% interest in the company. Allan has done well with it and I slowly built up that first bit of money. 

“You know from helping with some of my budget paperwork how much I make. I don’t flaunt it, and you can see where my money goes. I spend a lot on Jack, but he deserves all that I can give him within reason.” Aaron stopped talking and stood up, went inside the house and came back out with a folder in his hand. He stood there a moment, then handed it to Spencer.

“The reason I didn’t tell you about the trust fund and the terms of the trust fund is because, it doesn’t matter. This,” Aaron tapped the folder with his fingers before handing it to Spencer. “This matters. What you didn’t hear was the conversation about the trusts from our Grandparents. Both sides had left us money. There were no restrictions on either side and when we turned eighteen, each of us received the trusts from the Hotchner side, then at twenty-one, we received the trusts from the Fitzhugh side, our Mother’s side. 

“Sean blew through both trusts where Allan and I put ours to good use. Open it, Spencer.”

Aaron sat back down and waited for Spencer, who looked apprehensive, but Aaron just indicated with his head that he should open it. Slowly, with shaking hands Spencer opened the portfolio. He took his time looking over all of the paperwork inside. The prospectus and projected earnings for A&A Records based on the history of the company, investments, and other financial information were there. When Spencer saw the combined net worth he almost choked. He knew Aaron had money, but he had no idea Aaron had _that_ kind of money. Setting the folder on the table, Spencer had to take a few moments to process.

"So if I ever decide that I don't want to be in the FBI, you can become my Sugar Daddy?" Spencer asked with a very serious look on his face. He waited for that upturn of Aaron's lips before he let himself grin. Aaron laughed and it was an honest laugh. 

"I promise that if you ever decide that you want to quit the FBI I'll become your Sugar Daddy and I'll even support you through at least three more degrees." Aaron joked but took Spencer’s hands again and kissed the backs of each.

"Oh, stop or you'll have me quitting just for that." Spencer grinned at Aaron though Spencer knew that Aaron could tell it was slightly forced. This was a lot to take in and he needed a little more time to process it. Spencer knew that Aaron had money, his suits showed that but Aaron never bought a lot of suits, if one wore out or when he started to run more and his thighs got a little bigger he replaced but he didn't buy suits just to buy suits. It was the same with his personal vehicle, it was expensive but also wasn't replaced every single year. Jack got what he needed and a lot of what he wanted but Spencer had never taken that to mean that Aaron had money to burn. 

"I know that you struggled with your degrees Spencer, finding grants and scholarships as well as enough to cover housing and food. I know that it's where your mind went when it came to Jack. A good school for him to cover junior high and high school before college. Then whatever degrees he wants to get while there. It's part of why I love you." Aaron scooted forward to lean in and kiss Spencer. Spencer was still holding the portfolio and he gripped it tight because Aaron was kissing him so reverently. Spencer felt the tears on his face before Aaron pulled out of the kiss. Aaron's sure thumbs wiped at his eyes. "I don't think that I have ever made someone cry by kissing them."

"You were kissing me differently than you ever had before." Spencer leaned in and brushed his lips over Aaron's jaw before trailing back to his neck, Spencer nipped once at the lobe of Aaron's ear. "I could feel every single emotion as you were feeling them for me. That kind of love, devotion, it's a lot to take in."

"It's what I feel, Spencer. It's why I get so scared sometimes, it's too much and it's not enough and I don't think I can breathe." Aaron brushed at the skin under Spencer's eyes again, removing the last of the tears. "I think that I can talk Allan into keeping Jack entertained for a little while, give him some comfort. Why don't we go upstairs and get in the cuddling that we didn't get earlier with the arrival of my cockblock brothers."

"Upstairs?" Spencer asked. Spencer wasn't sure if the reason why they had never done anything up in Aaron's bedroom was that Aaron didn't want it in his domain at the moment, or just because of Spencer's leg. 

"Unless you don't want to, I thought it would afford us more privacy."

"No, no. I just...you've never hinted at wanting to go up there and I was just a little shocked."

"I don't like wearing you out by having you go up. Even with the cane, it's still a little much on you but I watched you walk down, and then you and Allan come back. You are moving better and my bed is bigger."

Spencer smiled and leaned his head down into Aaron's hand. Spencer knew that he would have been happy with just touching but now that he had been allowed limited intimate access to Aaron, he was all for continuing that access as long as Aaron allowed it. 

Aaron stood up first and helped Spencer up. Aaron made his want known when he stepped up and Spencer balanced himself to wrap his arms around Aaron in a hug. Spencer could be content with this for the rest of his life.

* * * * *

Spencer sipped at his cup of coffee as he entered the bullpen. He frowned at the potted plant on his desk. He was down to just the cane and he was moving a lot better. He was still staying with Aaron because with him back to work, he didn't want to stress his leg out too much by going up and down his stairs. There was a notecard in front of the potted plant. It was red clover and Spencer knew exactly who it was from. Spencer had gone on a tangent just the night before about shamrocks and clover. Jack had been enraptured for an hour listening to him though it was close to the boy's bedtime so Spencer wondered if that had anything to do with it. 

With no clue where Aaron had found a pot of clover at that time of the year, Spencer leaned his good leg against his desk and picked up the card that leaned against the small pot. He expected it to be a care and feeding of the plant card but it wasn't. The cover of the card had the words _you are invited to_ and there was an ellipsis after. Spencer slid his thumb under the flap and raised it up. Aaron was inviting him to dinner. Spencer crinkled his nose in confusion. Fridays had been their date nights. Spencer knew that. He didn't understand why Aaron was inviting him to something that they were already doing. Then Spencer saw that the location was listed. It wasn't Aaron's house. 

Spencer looked up at Aaron's office to see that the blinds were pulled but the door wasn't shut. Aaron was stopping himself from watching for Spencer to arrive. Spencer had gone for a round of physical therapy with a lady across the campus from them. She worked in a lot of agents that traveled often, and needed to be on the road quickly. Her hours were flexible and she didn’t have set times. Spencer was stuck on station duty for the near future. He wasn't allowed out to sites that were not cleared and not unless two other team members were with him. 

There was a place to RSVP for the date or to decline. Spencer wondered why Aaron even thought that he would decline it. It was a huge step forward for them and Spencer wanted to take it, as long as it didn't mess up Aaron.

* * * * *

Aaron was trying not to be anxious about the date he had all planned out with Spencer. He wanted to be more visible with their relationship. He knew the team had figured out something was going on, but neither of them was confirming nor denying anything at this point. 

Trying not to open the blind to look down in the bullpen where Spencer was Aaron was finding very difficult as the minutes passed by. He had his head buried in files that he put off because of the very complicated nature of the cases. He was finishing up one pile when there was a knock on his door. He looked up to see Spencer standing there in one of the new suits he had bought over the weekend. Aaron’s mouth went dry because he remembered when Spencer had put it on at home. Aaron had fun carefully and slowly peeling Spencer out of the suit, then how he had made Spencer fall apart under his hands. Aaron was gripping his fountain pen while Spencer stood there with a smug look on his face leaning on his cane and sipping his coffee.

“You little minx,” Aaron’s voice was just loud enough for Spencer to hear, but no one else unless they were in the office as well.

“I knew you liked it.”

“Waistcoats have become one of my new favorite things.” Aaron smiled back as he leaned back in his chair. Spencer walked in, then closed the door behind him before walking towards Aaron’s desk. Setting his coffee cup down, Spencer walked around till he was on the other side, Aaron scooted his chair back wondering what Spencer was going to do. Crawling into Aaron’s lap was not what he expected. 

“Here. Of course, I would say yes, but you didn’t have to do anything so elaborate, Aaron.”

Taking Spencer’s face in his hands, Aaron gently held him then kissed him. He didn’t care who might be around, he wasn’t going to hide. Not anymore. Not with the hard work that he had put in with his therapist, and with Spencer over the last few months. Aaron had plans that night, plans that he hoped Spencer would say yes to. 

“I like wooing you, Spencer. You deserve it.”

Spencer blushed and Aaron softly chuckled. 

“But, I think we need to get back to work, don’t you think so Agent Reid?” Aaron’s playful smile and hands-on his face had Spencer almost purring.

“I think it would be a very good idea, Agent Hotchner.” Spencer leaned in to steal a quick kiss then was up off of Aaron’s lap. “I look forward to tonight.”

Aaron did as well. He just hoped he really was ready for what he wanted.

* * * * *

The date was wonderful. The restaurant was one Aaron had wanted to try, but not by himself. He was glad he had saved it to experience with Spencer. It was one of those that the restaurant is in full dark and you use your other senses to experience the food. It was both highly sensual, and utterly romantic. 

Aaron had touched Spencer off and on all night, kissing him, even sharing bites of the amazing food they were served. At one point Aaron’s hand moved up Spencer’s thigh and he could tell how hard he was. 

After dinner, Aaron took Spencer to a little out of the way cafe that served the most decadent desserts and unusual coffees. They had a live band that night that played Jazz. Conversation between the two of them was easy and Aaron found himself wanting Spencer in ways that he had not let himself think about before. When they were walking back to his car, hand-in-hand Aaron made his decision. 

Pulling from the memories of the evening, Aaron looked at Spencer who was standing in the middle of his bedroom getting ready to take off his jacket. Aaron had already taken off his, and his socks, shoes, and tie. Walking over, he grabbed the neck of the jacket and gently tugged until Spencer understood what Aaron wanted. There were no words spoken as Aaron took off each piece of clothing, kissing flesh as it was exposed, ramping up the anticipation that had begun at dinner. 

Spencer watched him, his breathing was hard as Aaron touched and tasted. Nipping at sensitive parts and letting his fingers dance over those spots that he knew made Spencer go a little crazy. When Spencer was splayed out on the bed, his body tense with anticipation and the hard cock that Aaron had gotten to know by touch, and by taste, Aaron himself was vibrating with a need that even he had not realised had awoken in him. 

After getting out of his own clothes, throwing them aside to deal with later, Aaron blanketed Spencer’s body with his. Spencer wrapped his legs around Aaron as they kissed, ramping up the heat and passion they both were feeling. 

“God, Aaron,” Spencer’s voice cracked a little as he pressed up into Aaron’s body. 

“I want...” Aaron buried his face against Spencer’s neck, tasting, scraping his teeth over the sensitive flesh. “I want you in me tonight, Spencer.”

Spencer grabbed Aaron’s shoulders and pushed him away to look at his face.

“Say that again with me looking at you.”

“I want you, Spencer. I want you in me. I want to feel you, for you to make love to me.”

Spencer swallowed hard knowing this was a huge step for Aaron.

“Are you sure? I really need you to be sure, Aaron.”

Aaron smiled a little as he nipped at Spencer’s bottom lip.

“I’ve never been more sure. I trust you, Spencer.”

“Okay. The only way we can do this right now is if you’re on top, riding me.”

Aaron groaned as he let his head fall on Spencer’s shoulder. He shuddered a little with the picture in his head of him and Spencer in that position.

Aaron lifted up and reached across the bed to his nightstand where a new bottle of lube and a pack of condoms were there. 

“I didn’t know if you’d want...” Aaron held one of the condoms up.

“I’m clean, Aaron. I had my six-month evaluation recently. I know you are so we don’t have to unless you want to.”

“Then we’ll go without.” Aaron set it aside and leaned down to kiss Spencer again, this time with open-mouthed kisses that let him explore and taste. When it got to be almost too much, he sat up and reached for the lube. Pouring some out into in his hands, he reached down between their bodies and slicked up Spencer’s cock. The moan he got in return spurred Aaron on. 

“Aaron, slow down.”

“I’ve waited too long, Spencer.”

Spencer reached out and laid his hand on Aaron’s chest, his fingers trailing over Aaron’s body.

“I know, but I don’t want to hurt you. You need to be prepared a little at least.”

Aaron smiled wide as he reached behind him, Spencer watching him with curiosity on his face. Aaron lifted up a little and when Spencer figured out what he was doing, his eyes widened.

“You’ve....you wore that all night?”

“Yes. I’ve...I’ve been using it for a little while now.” Aaron pulled out the plug he had been wearing and threw it down on the towel that he had gotten when he first got home. “I want this, Spencer. I’ve thought of nothing else all night.”

Spencer's brain shut down at Aaron's words. Spencer reached up and grabbed Aaron by the back of the head and pulled him down to kiss him. Spencer knew that Aaron had been getting more and more sure of himself with each passing touch and each night spent exploring Spencer's body. Aaron enjoyed that greatly and had taken to teasing Spencer with touch all the time. 

"Ready?" Aaron asked and the only thing that Spencer could do was nod. Higher brain function was lost to Spencer. Aaron scooted up to where Spencer's cock was behind him. Spencer grabbed Aaron's thighs to stop him from rising up to get Spencer's cock inside of him. 

"I just...I'm not...fuck." Spencer slammed his head back into the bed in frustration. His brain wasn't working well enough for him to be eloquent. He needed to be sure but everything that he was wanting to say sounded like he didn't trust Aaron but he did.

"I promise that I want this and that I’m ready for it. I've discussed it several times with my therapist and she is the one that suggested using the plug. I've been using it for weeks, Spencer. The first time was during a shower. I could barely keep it in that long." Aaron dropped down to where he was hovering just over Spencer's face and his clean hand brushed at Spencer's fringe on his forehead. "I know that you would have been there, helping me through those freakouts but I needed to do it alone. I needed that time for myself. Tonight was the longest I have worn it straight. I look forward to when I can finger you like that but tonight, I need you in me."

"Okay," Spencer said and he let go of Aaron's thighs. Aaron though pushed up and grabbed Spencer's hands and put them back on his thighs. Spencer tried to breathe as Aaron reached behind himself again to hold Spencer's cock still as he slowly slid down it.

Spencer watched Aaron's face as he slid down Spencer's cock. Aaron's eyes were open and locked with Spencer's. Aaron didn't stop moving until he was fully seated on Spencer's lap. It was a night of firsts. Aaron's first time with a cock inside of him while for Spencer it was the first time he had ever had anal sex without a condom. He trusted Aaron and there was no risk involved in getting something that would harm him or give Aaron anything that would harm him. 

"Aaron?" Spencer asked because Aaron wasn't moving at all. He didn't even look like he was breathing. Spencer pushed himself up to balance on one arm and let go of Aaron's thigh with the other hand. He brushed the back of his fingers down Aaron's cheek. Aaron drew in a soft steady breath. His eyes lit up as he inhaled again, deeper before pulling Spencer up using the hand on his face to do it. Spencer pulled up a leg to counterbalance his new position. With his leg still out of commission a little, there wasn't going to be anything hard and athletic about their sex but then Spencer wasn't sure if Aaron was ready for that anyway. 

"You feel-" Aaron gasped as he pulled up and pushed down on Spencer's cock. Aaron moaned and it was a sound that Spencer would never forget. It wasn't like the moans from porn, it was sensual and erotic in a way that something shouldn't be but it was perfect for the moment. That told Spencer more than anything else how much Aaron was enjoying it. It felt good to Spencer as well. Having never gone without a condom, Spencer could understand why some liked to go without. Aaron felt hotter, he felt better than anyone else ever had wrapped around Spencer's cock.

Spencer had never thought himself selfish before when it came to sex but he cared nothing for his own orgasm at this moment. Aaron was luxuriating in the feelings of fucking himself on Spencer's cock and Spencer was trying his hardest to not come quicker than Aaron. He wanted this to last and make this perfect for Aaron. 

Aaron's hips stuttered in the up and down thrust and Spencer shot his eyes up to where he could watch Aaron's face. Aaron no longer fought the orgasms. Spencer wasn't even sure that Aaron knew that he had been doing it before. Aaron had almost acted like he hadn't wanted the orgasms for fear of feeling ashamed. Aaron hadn't done that in a few weeks and for Spencer that was the best thing about everything. Aaron embracing his sexuality and embracing sex in a way that Spencer didn't think that he ever had, even sex with women. 

Spencer was watching Aaron's face as he came and even though he knew that Aaron was orgasming the first spurt of release to land on Spencer surprised him. Aaron kept on rocking on spencer's cock. 

"Come on, Spencer," Aaron said as he planted a hand on Spencer's stomach right in the mess of his release. "Fill me up."

"Aaron, fuck," Spencer near screamed as he came. Aaron's words tipping him over. Spencer tried not to jerk up but his legs moved on their own and he felt his knee warning him that he was doing too much so Spencer forced his leg prostrate on the bed. Aaron dropped down to where he could kiss Spencer. Spencer wrapped his arms around Aaron to keep him right where he wanted him. 

"Thank you," Aaron whispered when he pulled back a while later. Spencer was too lost in the kisses and the feeling of Aaron over him to worry about keeping track of time. 

"You’re welcome, thank you for trusting me with your first time." Spencer raised his head to nuzzle at the side of Aaron's face. "Let's get cleaned up and back in bed to cuddle before we fall asleep covered in fluids." 

"Sure," Aaron said with a grin. 

Twenty minutes later, Spencer was laying in bed with his bad leg down to where he didn't have to worry about it moving funny. Aaron was finishing up in the bathroom. Spencer was naked and he was enjoying sleeping like that with Aaron. The lights in the bathroom turned off and Spencer breathed a few times before he realized that Aaron wasn't getting into bed.

Aaron just watched Spencer who was stretched out on the bed, a sleepy look on his face and something very profound flipped around in his heart. He loved this man more than he could ever express properly and the feeling was overwhelming him a little. Spencer had trusted him, had shown his trust, and let him lead in sex for weeks now. And tonight Spencer gave him a gift that Aaron would always cherish.

“Hey, you okay?” Spencer’s voice held a little worry which made Aaron breathe again and move towards the bed.

“Yes. I’m more than okay, Spencer.” Aaron got into bed, fully naked for the first time. He usually kept boxers on, but being with Spencer was no longer a scary thing for Aaron. He still had some things to work out, but Aaron was no longer ashamed of how he felt. Being the big spoon, Aaron wrapped around Spencer and sighed in contentment. Nuzzling against Spencer’s neck Aaron knew in that moment he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Spencer. In fact, he didn’t want the man to leave when his knee was fully healed. 

“I love you. I love you more than you could even imagine and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much. You’ve been patient and wonderful with me. I don’t know anyone who would have given me the time that you have. 

“I want you to stay, Spencer.” Aaron’s emotions choked him up a little as he held Spencer a little tighter against him.

Spencer was breathing hard and Aaron placed a hand over the man’s heart. A gentle shaking of his shoulders had Aaron a little worried. He pulled back and rolled Spencer onto his back. The tears fell which had Aaron gently brushing them aside wondering if he had done something wrong.

“Why are you crying, Love?” Which just seemed to make Spencer a little more emotional.

It took a moment for Spencer to calm down as Aaron wiped away his tears.

“No one has ever loved me like you do, Aaron. I never thought I’d ever find someone who understood me, let alone gave me their heart. I love you too. I used to love the idea of you, the fantasy I had when I first started at the BAU, but you’ve shown me so much more, Aaron. I don’t think I could go back to my life as it was. Not after these past months that I’ve been here. 

“Do...do you really mean it? You want me to stay here, with you and Jack?”

“Yes. Yes, Spencer, I don’t want you to leave after you’re healed. In fact, there’s a part of this house I haven’t shown you and maybe if you’re up for it in the morning, I’ll show you.” The smile on Aaron’s face had Spencer looking at him with curiosity. “Morning. Sleep now.”

Spencer nodded and tried to be patient. Aaron wrapped around him once more holding him through the night.

* * * * *

Spencer woke to something warm and wet wrapped around his cock. When his brain started to catch-up he looked under the covers to see just what it was Aaron was doing. Morning blow jobs had been a recent favorite of the man and Spencer wasn’t complaining.

He did protest when Aaron stopped, only to have the man moving above him and once more sliding down on him, but this time it was slow and lazy with Aaron kissing him stupid. Spencer wrapped his good leg around Aaron’s waist, and his arms around his back. 

“I love you, Spencer Matthew Reid.” Aaron moaned as he gently crested, but kept moving to bring Spencer off as well. 

“I love you too, Aaron Michael Hotchner. Now we have to clean up again.” 

Aaron gave him another kiss, then pulled off of Spencer. A wet cloth was waiting on the side and was still warm. Aaron quickly cleaned them both up before he stood and dressed in sweats and an old t-shirt.

“Jack will be back this afternoon. Jessica said she would keep him until lunch to give us time. I’ll go start the coffee and some breakfast, then if you’re up for it I will show you the part of the house that you haven’t seen yet.”

“Tease.” Spencer playfully smiled as he threw a pillow at Aaron. The smile he got in return was one of Aaron’s rare brilliant full smiles and Spencer felt something shift in his heart.

Aaron moved from the bedroom and Spencer was left alone. His thoughts were on the conversation from the night before and he still felt the same. If Aaron really did want him to stay, and it wasn’t just a question asked post-coital, he could admit that he didn’t want to leave. Sitting up he tested his leg and it felt better than it had in a while. The brace he rarely wore anymore, the cane was really all he needed. 

Throwing on clothes Spencer made his way downstairs. As much as he loved Jack, he was glad for a Saturday morning for just him and Aaron. Breakfast was simple, the two men talked quietly of their discussion just before they fell asleep. Spencer’s lease was almost up anyway and he could afford to break it. Aaron said he wouldn’t mind paying it, but Spencer protested that. They would have to have the money talk because as much as Spencer had teased, there was no way he was becoming a kept man.

“Come on.” Aaron held out his hand and Spencer took it. They went up to the second floor, but then Aaron took Spencer to the end of the hall with a door Spencer had never seen. Aaron opened it and there was a set of stairs. Spencer was now completely intrigued. They went up the short flight and then into an attic that Spencer had not realised was there.

“I’ve kept this open, not really knowing what to do with it. But I started to think about it and I could see built-in bookshelves over in this alcove, a big comfortable reading chair, and some rugs. Maybe some office space and whatever else you might like.”

Spencer stood there not comprehending the words Aaron was saying to him. 

“Spencer, I want this space to be all yours. Jack has his room and his playroom, I have my office, but this, I want you to have it. I know that sometimes you need your space and I always want you to feel safe. Make it your own personal retreat. And, I will pay for everything because I want to and no arguments.”

Spencer finally let out the breath he had been holding and turned towards Aaron to engulf him in a hug. 

Spencer didn't let go, even when he knew that he should because of social etiquette and such but he really didn't care. Aaron was wrapped around him and if it wasn't for the fact that his knee probably wouldn't be able to actually take him on his knees and the fact that Spencer was pretty sure that neither of them were getting hard again for a while, Spencer would have dropped to his knees to show his appreciation of what Aaron was giving him by blowing Aaron. Spencer wasn't sure what he wanted to do with the room though. 

Pulling back to place a very enthusiastic kiss on Aaron's lips, Spencer couldn't help breaking it long before he really wanted so that he could see the room again. The room was huge and the bookshelves where Aaron said wouldn't make it feel small at all. Spencer could easily set up a small office in one corner and then a reading space with his books. There were skylights that would be perfect for lighting during the day and then install some lights that turned on with a touch so that at night the room was only lit up as much as Spencer wanted. 

Aaron wrapped his arms around Spencer's stomach and pulled him back to be able to cuddle into Spencer. Aaron was touchy and it wasn't something that Spencer thought that Aaron would be. Spencer had spent a few days trying to remember how Aaron was with Haley but nothing had come to mind. The only time that either were really that touchy was the night that the team had all gone to the bar, just before Hankel. It wasn't the best guide but it showed that Aaron was at least a little touchy but this was more than that. Spencer pushed those thoughts from his head. 

"I have the sound system in my apartment that Morgan installed because he really wanted me to feel the strings in the music that I listen to according to him. I'm sure that he'll be happy to install it up here. However, I am paying for all of the work done up here, Aaron Hotchner."

"Agreed," but Spencer heard the reluctance in Aaron’s voice, but he knew Aaron would honor Spencer’s boundaries. "I want you to make this yours. Nothing is too geeky or nerdy or purple." Aaron's smile as he said that was blinding. Spencer was happy that Aaron was all in. 

"I have a few plans already," Spencer said as he laid his hands over Aaron's on his sides. 

Spencer wasn't sure how long they stayed like that but Spencer enjoyed feeling the room warm up with the morning sun coming in. Spencer was already in love with the room and nothing had been done to it yet. There were going to be adjustments to Spencer coming to live with Aaron and Jack. Spencer's heart started to beat a little fast at that. 

"Aaron," Spencer said and he inhaled sharply afterward. 

"Yes?" Aaron asked. 

"Have you..." Spencer wiggled a little and Aaron loosened his hold. Spencer carefully turned around to where he was looking Aaron in the face. "Have you talked to Jack about this? Jessica? I mean I know that they both know that we are dating but it's a lot different than me moving in when it's been you and Jack for a while now."

"Jack is happy with it, I promise." Aaron looked so heartfelt that Spencer couldn't help but get excited again. There was plenty of time to get him out of his apartment but he figured that Aaron would want it done as soon as possible. Aaron wasn't one to dally around l when he wanted something and while Spencer would obviously stay at the house while moving everything, Spencer couldn't say that he was moved in until all of his things were out of the apartment. 

Aaron shifted his hands from Spencer's sides to where he was holding one of Spencer's hands and the other was wrapped around his waist. Aaron started to hum a tune that Spencer recognized as a slow waltz and then started to move slowly. Aaron was gentle and very slow as they waltzed around the room to the song that Aaron was humming. It was intimate in a way that Spencer had never been with anyone before and yet different than the intimate they were when Aaron was helping Spencer do the things that he had been unable to do while he was laid up. 

It was kind of perfect

* * * * *

Jack came home that day and was talkative about what he had done with his aunt so telling Jack that Spencer was going to be living with them was kind of forgotten. They ate dinner together like they always did and Jack was put to bed. Spencer had lunch planned with a friend of his that was in town from where she was now teaching at Caltech instead of going there as a student so the next morning it was forgotten as well. 

Spencer entered the house after his lunch date and heard the slamming of a door, which was something that Spencer had never thought that he would hear in the Hotchner household. Aaron wasn't one to slam doors and Jack was too much of a respectful boy to do it. Spencer's hand itched for his gun as he rounded the corner from the front entry way into the living room to find Aaron standing in the middle of the living room with a shocked look on his face. 

"Aaron?" Spencer asked. 

Aaron turned and looked at Spencer but Aaron looked to be at a loss for words. Spencer looked around and there was no sign of Jack which meant that Jack had been the one to slam the door and given that it had sounded up on the second floor, that meant Jack had slammed his bedroom door. 

"What happened?"

Aaron closed his eyes for a moment and ran a hand over the top of his head. He didn’t answer Spencer right away, he was trying to figure out how to handle this situation. 

“Jack, I told him about you moving in fully and he didn’t take it well.” Aaron opened his eyes and walked towards Spencer who moved away and wrapped his arms around his waist. This was it, this was the end of the fantasy and Spencer knew it. Every time he got close to having a family and someone to love him, it always came crashing down on him. Aaron was going to try to let him down easy and they would try to work out what to do after. 

All of Spencer’s fears were running through his head as he bent his head just a little not wanting to look up at Aaron. When a hand cupped his cheek, Spencer thought he was going to cry.

“Hey, what’s going through your head?”

“I thought we had more time.”

Aaron gently lifted Spencer’s head so they could see each other clearly.

“More time for what?” Aaron’s eyes had a confused look to them and Spencer just wanted to tell him to stop, to just tell him so they could move on.

“Us. Together.” Spencer moved closer and wrapped around Aaron. “This being together.”

“Wait, do you think I’m going to break up with you or not want you to move in because my son is upset?”

“Aaron, I know you always put Jack first. And you should. He’s a kid and your son, I understand that, doesn’t mean this doesn’t hurt like hell.”

“Oh, Spencer. What have I done to make you think I would not want you in my life? You are as important to me as Jack is. This is just a stumbling block. Jack, as you said, is a kid. I love him sometimes beyond reason, but, and I want you to really listen to me, it does not mean that I let him dictate my life. 

“I think I know why he’s mad at me, but we will deal with it in our therapy sessions. I love you, Spencer Reid and I don’t want you to go anywhere.”

“But, Aaron....”

“No. No buts. We are going to have dinner, then we will work on the plans for your hideaway. After I will talk to Jack. If he wants to come out to eat he will, if not I am not going to force him.”

Spencer was conflicted. He wanted to stay, it was all he ever really wanted, but Jack should come first for Aaron. For now, Spencer would go along and if things got worse, or Jack didn’t accept him then he would force Aaron to deal with that. 

A sad smile crossed his lips, but Spencer just nodded and let himself be held close.

Dinner went about as well as could be expected. Jack came down to eat, but he stayed at the other end of the dinner table. Aaron kept an eye on him while ignoring what Aaron called his temper tantrum. Apparently, according to Aaron, Jack used to do this when he was a little younger when he was upset and had trouble expressing what he was feeling. Spencer was skeptical, but since he had little experience with kids he deferred to Aaron.

“Spencer, I'm going to go take Jack out to talk. We’ll be back in a little while.”

“Okay.”

“You’ll still be here?” Aaron looked so earnest and apprehensive at the same time. Spencer smiled softly and laid a hand on his thigh a moment. He had thought about leaving, about going back to his apartment and maybe waiting it all out, but he knew that was just fear. He didn’t want to run, even if it was hard, Spencer would stick it out, no matter what may happen.

* * * * *

Aaron waited for Spencer to nod, knowing that Spencer still wasn't expecting the relationship to last and Aaron could understand that. Nothing in Spencer's life had ever lasted. Spencer had grown up quickly, having to take care of his mother. His father was the first to go, his childhood the second, then in her own way his mother left him. Gideon had been the most abrupt. Talking with Spencer over the years, Spencer had said he knew that his father was going to leave long before he did. Aaron wasn't going to let Spencer go unless Spencer truly wanted it because of him and not because he thought he was doing his best for Jack. 

Jack was a whole different subject, and Aaron was going to nip his tantrum in the bud before it became full bloom. Aaron wasn't going to let Jack go to bed like he was. Aaron cupped the side of Spencer's face, seeing the tears that were just waiting to fall. Spencer was holding it together, better than Aaron thought that he would. Spencer had to feel like his world was crashing down around him at the moment but he was staying stoic. Another trait learned, never let someone see you weak. It was a lesson that Aaron had learned himself the hard way. Aaron wanted to fix that, make Spencer understand that showing Aaron his weakness would never be turned against him. 

Pressing a kiss to Spencer's forehead, Aaron turned to go into the backyard. Jack was sitting at the picnic table in the backyard pouting. 

"Jack, you have to use your words, you know this. So now that you have had time to think, explain it to me."

"I don't want to make you mad."

"Your feelings will never make me mad. We will discuss them, and we will work them out. Your feelings are valid no matter what they are." Aaron sat down next to Jack and looked down at his son with patience and kindness on his face.

"There is a boy at school who disappeared two weeks ago. Not disappeared like you know something you would have to work on, but his things were gone and the teacher said that he was transferred to a new school because of the new place he was living. Well, Aunt Jessica and I saw him out recently. He was taken away from his father because his father was in a relationship with another man and he was forced to live with his mom. His mom's not a good mom. He doesn't like her and is scared of the mom's boyfriend. Aunt Jessica is looking into it a little bit but...I don't want to be taken away from you." Jack's face was tear-stained and after he got his story out, he started to cry harder. Aaron draped an arm over Jack and pulled him close. The boy buried his face against Aaron’s side and let his emotions out.

Aaron was a little shocked because it was not the reason that he was thinking. Aaron made a mental note to look into Jack's friend and see if one of his lawyer friends would look into it. He wasn't that happy that a child was taken from a parent that he seemed to adore just because of their sexuality, but he knew it was the world they lived in. The world that Aaron tried to deny he was a part of. 

"I see. Well, there is one very big difference between your friend and me. One, the only person that has a leg to stand on as far as custody of you is Jessica, and she would never take you away from me unless I were in danger of hurting you. She loves Spencer and when she and I have talked, she's very happy with the influence that Spencer has in your life. You've become more engaged in math and science, the two subjects you were struggling a little with. Even your reading and writing skills have come up. I think part of it is because he doesn't talk down to you. I never realized that I was doing it that much. Then again his mother probably never talked down to him either."

"Spencer's mom was a great mom like my mom was," Jack said.

"Yes, she was." Aaron kept the rest of the actual facts from Jack. Spencer never shared a lot of his mom's life with Jack because Jack really didn't need to know about it. Though, Aaron wondered if maybe it was time to introduce schizophrenia to him because if Spencer were writing to his mom about Aaron and Jack, Diana would want to meet them. That was a conversation for a little later though. 

"I don't want Spencer to go away," Jack pulled away and the fear in his voice had Aaron gently gripping his shoulder.

"That's good because he's willing to do it," Aaron said.

"What?" Jack looked up at Aaron with shock on his little face.

"Spencer is willing to leave, to break off the relationship between him and I if you don't want it to happen. I didn't leave the FBI after your mother died. I do almost anything for you, and I'm your superhero, and you don't want me to leave the FBI, but I would if at some point that changed, Jack. I would do anything for you." Aaron wasn't going to say that he would leave Spencer because of Jack because he knew that Jack wouldn't want him to be unhappy and Jack had made a comment several times that Spencer made him happy and Jack liked that. 

"He makes you happy."

"That's good that you see that but you being afraid of being taken away from me isn't the whole of your issue with Spencer moving in. So can you explain the rest?" Aaron knew there was more and getting to the bottom of it now would be better than trying to figure this all out after Spencer was all moved in.

Jack looked down at the table and made figure eights with his finger as he kicked his legs against the chair. Aaron was patient as he sat at the table waiting for Jack to find the words he needed.

“It’s just been us for a long while now. You and me and Aunt Jess. What if you don’t want me around?”

Aaron moved closer to Jack and reached out to pull him onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around his son Aaron knew this was one of Jack’s fears.

“I will never not want you around Jack. Sure, there may be days that Spencer and I want to spend time together, but you will always be here. I know change is scary, and believe it or not, Spencer is just as scared as you are, just for different reasons. 

“I’m not saying any of this will be easy, Jack. But, can you promise me that you’ll try?”

Jack sighed deeply and leaned back into Aaron. “Okay, Dad. I’ll try.”  
  
“Do you want to talk this all out with Dr. Mira?”

“Yeah.” Jack leaned into Aaron and wrapped his arms around his waist. Aaron held his son closer and knew there might be a little bit of growing pains, but the fact that Jack did like Spencer and Aaron together was the start of them becoming a family.

“How does a movie with popcorn, M&M’s, and some of that sparkling juice Spencer likes to make? We can pile pillows and blankets against the couch and all snuggle together.”

Aaron could tell Jack was smiling. He knew it was going to take time for Jack to adjust to Spencer being in their lives, but Aaron would do everything in his power to help Jack understand his own feelings and fears. 

“Dad?” 

Aaron knew it was serious, Jack’s voice turned soft and a little sad. “If you’re with Spencer, will you forget Mommy?”

Aaron knew this was coming, he just had to give Jack time to find the words to put to his fears.

“Oh, Buddy. I will never forget your Mom. She and I were together for a long time, and we knew each other for years before we got married. Your Mom will always be a part of me. And, I’m sorry she’s gone, Jack. I wish it could be different. But, we all have to move on, to find people that will help us fill up those sad places. Just because I love Spencer, does not mean that I will forget your Mom.”

Jack was quiet for a few moments as dusk started to turn to evening. Father and Son enjoyed the quiet until Jack spoke up again.

“Dad?”

“Yeah, Buddy?”

“I don’t always remember what Mom looked like.”

“Oh, Buddy. That’s why we have those picture albums, so you always have a way to remember.”

“I love you, Dad.”

“I love you to Jack.”

The quiet stretched on for a little while longer until Jack squirmed out of his father’s arms and stood up.

“Can I pick the movie?” Jack asked with excitement in his voice.

Aaron smiled and marveled at Jack’s resilience. He knew this wasn’t the last time they would visit these topics and Jack’s fears, Aaron knew he would always be there to help him through them. 

“Sure. You go get it ready, Spencer, and I will take care of the pillows, blankets, and popcorn.”

“Okay.” Jack ran inside and ran up to Spencer, throwing his arms around Spencer shocking the genius until he was hugging Jack back. Jack moved off and went to the DVD’s to pick out what he wanted to see. Aaron saw Spencer wiping his eyes, trying not to let Aaron know he was crying.

* * * * *

Spencer felt Aaron cup the side of his face and turn it to where Spencer couldn't hide his tears anymore. Aaron's thumbs wiped at his cheeks, and it made Spencer's eyes flutter shut because it felt so good to be cared for when he was upset. A kiss was placed on each eye and then his forehead before he was wrapped up in Aaron's arms. 

"He was able to tell me why he was upset and while I can't promise roses and sunshine with him adjusting to you living here, he's not scared of it anymore." Aaron squeezed Spencer a little tighter before releasing him. "We are going to eat snacks and watch a movie all piled on the floor. Jack's picking a movie, and we need to be getting where we are sitting ready. Then it's popcorn making for me, and you get to make the sparkling juice."

"That's why you want me here, to be your juice slave," Spencer said with a grin on his face. Aaron grinned back at him but didn't divert Spencer's little joke. Instead, Aaron ran his hands down Spencer's shoulders and down to his hands, gripping Spencer's left hand tight before drawing him after him toward the living room. 

The night passed in a blur of cuddling. Jack bounced between tucked into his father's side and up against Spencer's good side with his arms around Spencer. It was how Jack fell asleep after they all laid down on the blankets and used couch cushions as pillows. When the movie ended, and the room as only lit up by the dulled TV screen, Spencer looked up at Aaron to see that Aaron wasn't watching the movie but them. Spencer looked down seeing Jack drooling a little on his shirt, and his hand was gripping Spencer's shirt like he was afraid of Spencer slipping away. Spencer had one arm wrapped around Jack holding him close. 

"You know that's one of the best things I have ever seen in my life, non-sexual though. I can think of a few things that involve you and naked that give it a run for its money."

"Aaron," Spencer admonished, and he had to look away because the look of utter love in Aaron's eyes was overwhelming him. Nothing else that they did that night registered on Spencer's mind because the look of absolute love on Aaron's face when Spencer was cuddling Jack stopped anything else from sticking in his mind. 

After a wonderful night with Aaron and Jack, Spencer didn't think that everything would be roses. Jack had a lot of adapting to do, and Spencer knew that part of it was Jack getting used to someone sharing his dad. When Spencer was injured and needed help, Jack was all for it because Jack was compassionate, but now it was sharing Aaron at meals and Aaron's time after work. 

Which two weeks later was causing a few issues. 

Spencer laid his hand on Aaron's forearm as Aaron made to get up to take care of Jack. 

"He said what he wants to say and while you don't like what he had to say, Aaron, and neither do I he's entitled to his feelings," Spencer said. 

"But he-" Aaron stopped when Spencer glared at him. Aaron nodded. 

"He said nothing hurtful and nothing that was untrue or mean-spirited. He feels that he's losing Haley and even someone who doesn't have the mind that I do, can see that. You told me that he sometimes feels like he can't remember what she looks like. Her pictures are around, but those are different. Tomorrow night I have that dinner date with Alex and her husband as he's in town so why don't you and him and Jessica sit down and watch some of the home movies. I'll go deal with what's wrong now. You can't keep on interfering. If you want me to be a parent to him, you have to let me be a parent to him. You can't fix it when we get into spats, or he'll start to think that I don't have a say in anything."

Aaron smiled but nodded. It was one of the things that Jessica had pressed upon both of them. Aaron had to respect it when Spencer gave Jack an answer to something. 

"He was hurtful." Aaron furrowed his brow and watched as Spencer stood and started towards the stairs.

"No. He told me that I could never replace his mother and he is correct. He feels constricted because we are trying to blend me into the family and it's going to cause growing pains. So let me go and talk to him, alone. You stay right where you are."

Spencer walked up the steps to the second floor, the trip getting easier every single day. Jack was where Spencer predicted in his and Aaron's room instead of his own. He was looking at a picture that was on Aaron's bedside of Aaron and Haley holding infant Jack. Aaron had told Spencer it was the last time that he had been truly happy in the marriage. 

"You know I don't think I have ever told you the first time that I met your mother," Spencer said as he sat down beside Jack. 

Jack didn’t look up at Spencer, he just kept his eyes on the picture, but he tilted his head just so that the gesture reminded Spencer of Aaron. He was listening and that was all Spencer cared about right now.

“We had come back late from a case and we had not had dinner yet. Your Dad took me to an all-night diner that was near his house and called your Mom to meet us. I was nervous, I had not been on the team very long at that point.

“We got to the restaurant and there was this attractive blonde who smiled at your Dad like he was the best thing in the world. I knew then how much they loved each other. She stood and gave Aaron a hug and a kiss, then she turned to me, smiled, and said, ‘You must be the new team member. Spencer, right?’ I was so nervous, my hands were shaking. She looked at me and said, ‘I see why my husband is so charmed by you.’ 

“I was so shocked and when I looked at your Dad, he was blushing red. But, from that day your Mom always welcomed me into her home. She wasn’t jealous and I think, really deep down she knew there was an attraction between your Dad and me. I would never have done anything to come between them. Your Mom, she really helped me when I struggled.

“Jack, I’m not trying to replace her or to be her. No one will ever do that for you or for your Dad. Your Mom, she was special and your feelings, Jack are always valid.”

Jack set the picture back on the nightstand and laid down with his head in Spencer’s lap then let out all of the emotions he was bottling up inside of him. Spencer gently smoothed his hair, running his fingers through it letting Jack purge. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Spencer.”

“You didn’t and you won’t if you talk about what it is that’s upset you.”

Spencer took a deep breath and pulled Jack into his lap. The boy wrapped around him and held on. 

“Don’t go away, Spencer.”

“I won’t, Jack. I’m here for you.”

Jack started to hiccup as his tears subsided. Spencer gently rubbed his back and looked up to see Aaron leaning in the doorway. Spencer just saw him smile softly. He knew Aaron wanted so badly to come over, but he was holding back letting Spencer help Jack with his emotions. It was a few moments later when he realized that Jack had fallen asleep. 

“Come take him, he’s cried himself to sleep.” 

Aaron gently lifted Jack in his arms and took him to his own room. Spencer stood and closed the door, stripping as he went. He wanted a shower to try to settle himself down. He hoped that Aaron would come and join him.

Spencer turned the water up higher. He didn't feel dirty but he wanted the water cascading over his body. He needed the feel of it. It's something that he had done when he had been craving. The feel of the water cascading over his body made him feel not as alone. Spencer dunked his head under the water and settled there. He could hear nothing other than the water and when he felt a hand on his hip, he made sure not to jump. Aaron wrapped his arms around Spencer, holding him tight. 

"You astound me every single day," Aaron said. 

"Why?" Spencer asked. 

"You with Jack. Anyone else would have left, would have tried to end the relationship but you stayed here. You came up here and talked to him. You are wonderful Spencer and every single day I fall a little bit more in love with you." 

Spencer closed his eyes and let himself soak in the warmth that Aaron was giving him. Spencer grabbed one of Aaron's hands and moved it to where it was placed over Spencer's heart. After a moment Aaron gently pulled away from Spencer. Spencer tried to stop him but Aaron's hands were firm but soothing. Spencer started to turn but found a hand between his shoulder blades to stop him. He submitted to Aaron's hands on his body where he had a rag between them. Aaron was gentle, especially when it came to Spencer's knee. Aaron washed Spencer from head to toe and it made Spencer sleepy. 

By the time that Aaron was drying Spencer off, Spencer could barely keep his eyes open. Spencer wandered toward the bed after Aaron helped him get a pair of underwear on. He collapsed on the bed and sighed as he did. Aaron had already turned down the bed to where they could just get in and it only took a few wiggles for Spencer to get his legs under it. He watched Aaron as Aaron did a few bits of cleaning in the bathroom. He was a blurry mess but Spencer could see his outline. 

Aaron got into a pair of sleep pants before he joined Spencer on the bed. Spencer rolled into him as soon as Aaron was under the blankets and cuddled into him. Aaron wrapped his arm around Spencer and held him close. 

"I love you," Aaron whispered. 

"I love you, too." Spencer mouthed at the skin under his lips, giving a few butterfly kisses. He didn't want to arouse just show his current emotion. He brushed his hand over where he had just kissed. "I never saw myself with kids. I had a little hope but the thought of my genes, I just don't know if I can do that to a kid. I've never dated anyone with a kid and that's more of the fact that the little bit of dating that I did was in college after I hit the age of majority. There were not a lot of males or females at Caltech with kids. JJ showed me that I could love a child. Then there was Jack who kind of ninja'd himself into my heart after Haley died. We hung out and I started to feel things for him that I couldn't define and it wasn't until I realized what I felt for you that I figured out what the feeling was."

"Shush, Spencer you're rambling."

"No. I'm just taking a long time to say something." Spencer pushed up and braced his arm on the bed and forced Aaron onto his back so that he could look down at him. His sleepiness was momentarily forgotten. He knew it would be back with a vengeance. "I know what I am saying and I mean every single word of it. You don't understand exactly what it feels like to know that you love a child as more than an uncle or more than a Godfather and realize that your father still walked out with feeling that. You've said time and again that you don't think that your father loved you and I can't quantify that at all. I don't understand how my father could have ever felt like this for me and walked away and left me with mom. It wasn't fear of losing me because no judge would have given me to her if she tried to sue for custody. I have started to wonder if he ever wanted me or I was something that mom wanted that he went along with."

Aaron lifted his hand and cupped Spencer’s cheek. There was so much that Spencer had not dealt with, even after the Riley Jenkins case, but Aaron wasn’t going to push. It was a highly sensitive subject for Spencer and while neither of them had the best childhood, Spencer’s father was more ambiguous in his dealings with his son. Aaron didn’t have the answers, there was only one person who did.

“I don’t know, Spencer. The only person who does is your father. If you want or need those answers, you should have that discussion with him. I always knew exactly where I stood in my father’s eyes and I too can’t understand the type of hate he harbored for me. He’s dead and I’ll never get any answers, but truthfully it no longer matters. What matters is Jack, and you. The family that we are together. I know it’s hard, but I see how much you love Jack. 

“And, it’s that very love that is making you question your own father. Just don’t let it consume you, Spencer. If you need those answers don’t hesitate to get them, even if it isn’t what you want to hear. And, I can be with you, if you want, but I would understand if you wanted to do it on your own.”

Spencer closed his eyes and leaned into Aaron’s touch. “I don’t know what I want to do.”

“How about, for now, we get some sleep. Answers come better with a clearer head.”

Spencer sighed as he snuggled down against Aaron’s side, an arm wrapped around him and gently caressed him helping him to fall back asleep. Aaron stayed awake a little bit longer, stray thoughts had plagued his mind and it was a while before he was falling back asleep.

________________

Spencer thought it rather ironic that the case they were on was one in which abusive fathers were being killed. At first, they all thought it was the abused children doing the killing, but the signature was too specific for it to be the teenagers who were murdering the abusive men. Spencer had gone along on this one because he knew precisely what cases like these did to Aaron. Abuse of any kind affected Aaron and the whole team knew it. Spencer wanted to take Aaron aside and see if he was okay, but Rossi got to him first. Spencer wasn’t sure what kind of shape his lover was going to be in later on when he got back to the hotel. 

“So, how’s it going with you two Pretty Boy?” Morgan had dragged Spencer out of the station for food and to try to get him out of his head.

“It’s actually going better than I thought. We’ve had a few hiccups with Jack, but frankly it wasn’t anything I didn’t expect. Aaron has tried to be patient and understanding letting Jack and I work out things for ourselves.”

“I’m glad you two are working it out. Watching both of you pining for each other was getting painful. I’m sorry for all the stuff that we tried to do. I never got a chance to say it.”

“Morgan, that’s in the past. We’re over it you don’t need to apologize.” Spencer smirked at Morgan a moment as he pushed his salad around on his plate. “So, we haven’t seen Allan much lately.”

The blush on Morgan’s face was so red that Spencer smiled at his friend.

“Yeah well, we’ve been getting to know each other a little more.”

“Is that what they are calling it these days.” 

Morgan took a long drink of his beer before he spoke again.

“I’ve ah, I’ve been talking to someone, you know, about Buford. I really like Allan but...” Morgan looked away for a moment and Spencer knew he was trying to settle his emotions.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to tease. I know it’s probably been hard for you.”

“When it’s worth it, it’s not so hard. We talk all the time. He likes a lot of the same stuff I do and his music knowledge blows me out of the water. We spent the whole night listening to some really cool stuff I never even knew was out there. He’s a lot like Hotch, just ‘ya know more open.” 

Spencer set his fork down and reached across the table to cover Morgan’s hand with his.

“Morgan?”

His friend looked up at him and quirked a brow.

“Yes, Reid, there was a time I had a bit of a thing for Hotch. But, he and I are just too alike in a lot of ways and different in others. We butt heads all the time. You get him in ways I never could. But, Allan? He’s...he’s a great guy.”

Spencer smiled as he pulled back and finished his salad.

“I’m glad. I want to see you happy as well, Derek.”

The two friends stayed a while talking then paid their bill and made their way to the hotel. Spencer slipped inside his room and saw that Aaron wasn’t back yet. Spencer was getting a little worried. This was the kind of case that drove Aaron to drink a little more than normal, and with Rossi the enabler taking Aaron out, Spencer was nervous about what kind of condition Aaron was going to be in.

Trying not to worry, Spencer took a hot shower and attempted to wind down from the case. He needed to let his mind rest so he could be fresh for the next day. As he stepped out of the bathroom, there was a noise at the hotel room door. It sounded like someone was having trouble trying to open it. A few seconds later, Aaron was stumbling in. 

“Come on, let’s get you under a cold shower.” Spencer sighed as he looked at his lover, tie undone, shirt disheveled, coat hanging off one arm. His hair was a mess and there were some stains on his slacks. 

“I can do it, Spence,” Aaron slurred as he stumbled towards the bathroom. Spencer followed to make sure that he didn’t fall and hurt himself. 

“How much did you have?” Spencer asked as he helped Aaron undress. There was a wicked look in Aaron’s eyes, but Spencer was not going to have sex with Aaron while he was drunk.

“Just a couple.” Aaron leaned forward to try to kiss Spencer, but Spencer held his hand firmly against Aaron’s chest. “Come on baby, I want you. In fact, I want you to fuck me hard.”

“Oh no we are not. Not until you are sober and you can ask me with a clear head. And don’t ever call me baby.” Spencer turned on the water for the shower, shoved Aaron’s pants off of him, and practically pushed the naked man under the stinging cascade of water.

“I just...I need to not feel so much...”

“Okay, Aaron. Just take your shower, then we are going to bed and going to sleep. We’ll talk when you're sober.”

Aaron slumped against the wall of the shower and a flood of emotion started to pour out of him. Spencer just waited till he had purged, holding a towel in his hands to help Aaron once he was done.

Spencer wasn't sure what to do to help Aaron. When he was done crying, Spencer tried to get in there to help him wash off at least a little but Aaron was rebuffing his help. Spencer decided that standing on the outside and making sure that Aaron didn't fall and crack his head open was the best thing that he could do for Aaron. Spencer really wanted to give Rossi a piece of his mind but if Aaron was in this state, it was hard to tell what kind of state Rossi would be in and Spencer wanted the man to remember everything that Spencer said to him. 

The water shut off and a bleary-eyed Aaron stepped out. He looked at Spencer holding the towel and grabbed another instead of the one that Spencer was offering. Spencer felt that he was being judged by drunk Aaron and found unworthy, just because he wouldn't have sex with a drunk Aaron. If they were further into the relationship and Aaron was still not as messed up mentally about sex with another man, Spencer could see them having fun with both of them a little loose from alcohol, but there was no way that Spencer was going to fuck Aaron when he was too drunk to consent. 

"Aaron?" Spencer asked but Aaron ignored him as he dried himself off. Spencer shook his head and turned to look out into the room. To keep up appearances they were in a room with two beds but the second hadn't been used at all. Spencer wasn't sure what he wanted to do but Aaron acting like this, drunk or not was not going to fly with him. Spencer walked out of the bathroom, staying where he could see Aaron until the man finally exited the bathroom, naked. He walked right to the bed they had been sharing and grabbed the pillow he had been using and wrapped his arms around it before walking to the unused bed. Aaron had made his choice and Spencer was going to respect it. 

There was only one problem, Spencer had been so worn out earlier but now he was wide awake and he wasn't sure that sleep was going to come to him so Spencer grabbed the case files he had brought back to the room and looked over them for the twenty-third time. 

Aaron started to snore after about half an hour and Spencer was glad that he was dead asleep. He was still on his side and Spencer was relieved as he didn't want to touch him to roll him that way. Aaron when drinking swung first and asked questions later. For a long time, the team had thought that meant some kind of sexual abuse but there was no evidence of that in Spencer's conversations with him. 

Another hour later and Spencer heard footsteps outside of the room. He looked up at the time and knew that it was too late to be a team member unless something was wrong. Spencer grabbed his gun and walked to the door. The foot on the other side of the door tapped out a rhythm and it wasn't until the second time it repeated that Spencer knew that it was Morgan. It was the song that he liked to torture Spencer with. 

Spencer opened the door and Morgan held up a finger to his lips. He was dressed in work clothes so Spencer nodded and walked into the room to get his things. He scrawled a note and attached it to the mirror in the bathroom to tell Aaron that he was with Morgan working on the case. Spencer also grabbed the pillow from the other bed and stacked them behind Aaron, keeping him from rolling onto his back. It was the best he could do if Aaron woke up throwing up. 

When Spencer had shut the room door, Morgan waved toward his own. Spencer walked down there and got dressed inside the room while Morgan waited outside. 

"We had another killing. I went to wake up Rossi and he was still pretty drunk. Neither of them has ever got like this on a case."

"I don't know. I think that maybe Aaron kept on going and Rossi was trying to stay up with him. Aaron's not going to be in the best mood in the morning."

"He hurt you?"

"Physically, no. Emotionally, a little bit. Nothing we can't work out. So we are going to be down two? Not too bad."

* * * * *

Spencer entered the station knowing that Aaron was there and had been a bear all morning according to JJ. The case was over as the UnSub had stuck around a little too long at the last dumpsite and someone that had seen him immediately recognized him. All that was left was packing up and leaving. Spencer looked around the station and found that Aaron was standing in front of the geographic profile that Spencer had worked on. Spencer was always the one to pack that up so if Aaron wanted to talk it was a good place to do so. 

Entering the room and shutting the door, Spencer said nothing. He was waiting for his lover. 

"I'm sorry," Aaron said. 

"What do you remember?"

"I remember a very bad pass and the look on your face when I made it. The horror that you couldn't hide. I also remember grabbing my pillow and sleeping in the other bed. Given what JJ told me she doesn't think you got any sleep at all."

"I rested while looking over the case and it was enough."

Aaron turned around and looked at Spencer. He looked very upset. "Dave's a bad influence on me."

"Yes, he is. I've never seen you this way on a case."

"I think it was too much. I'm not blaming you but talking about your father and then me a little about my father and then this case. It was a perfect storm that created this. You made the right choice in not waking me up. And thank you for making sure I wouldn’t choke if I threw up."

Spencer moved closer and cupped his hand against Aaron’s jaw gently touching him. He knew Aaron was careful about PDA’s, but this situation called for a little TLC. They both needed it, needed that connection.

“Next time, tell him, no and you come to me, Aaron. You can’t do this to yourself, especially on a case. You’re normally so careful, especially around Jack. I know it was a lot, but you're not alone anymore,. I’m here for the good and the bad.”

Aaron laid his hand over Spencer’s and closed his eyes a moment then turned his head to kiss the palm of Spencer’s hand. 

“I know and I need to remember that.” 

Spencer knew he wanted to say more, but not here and not now, they could talk more freely on the plane.

“Is the Doctor ready to release you back to full work?” Aaron asked as a way to pull back and finish getting packed up for them to leave.

“I have my appointment at the end of the week, but I haven’t needed my cane much. The soft brace is helping. I’m sure I’ll be wearing that for a while, but the last appointment he didn’t think I would need any more surgeries for the foreseeable future.”

“Good. I’m ready to head out, I’ll check on everyone else.”

Aaron left and Spencer knew he was still a little raw over this last case and everything that had happened just before it. He hoped that Aaron would talk to him when they got home, or if not him Spencer hoped he called his therapist. 

Spencer was still on the fence about his own father, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to confront William Reid or not. Spencer would have to think long and hard about it. He would have to also think if he really wanted the answers, or if he could live without them. William was at least still helping out with his Mother’s care and maybe, just maybe that was all that Spencer needed to know. Sighing as too many questions ran through his head, Spencer took down the maps to get them ready for the files when they got back home.

The plane ride was quiet, each person was in their own world trying to wind down. Rossi still looked wrecked and Spencer felt a mean little streak in that he thought the man deserved it. He wasn’t going to confront the man until they were back in the office and he could do it behind closed doors. For now, he was content to sit next to Aaron, reading and holding his lover’s hand under the small table that was open so Aaron could finish up reports before they landed. They both just wanted to get home and put this whole thing behind them.

* * * * *

Dinner had been something from the freezer. Spencer had talked Aaron into making pre-made meals like lasagna, an egg dish that reheats well, some soups and stews that were pre-portioned out, as well as some simple pre-done meat that could be thrown in a pan and quickly seasoned or a sauce thrown on top. Aaron actually liked it because it meant they could have a home-cooked meal at any time. They relied less and less on take-out, which Aaron felt better for with Jack.

Family nights they still indulged in pizza or the occasional burgers for a treat for all of them. 

Jack was staying the night with Jessica since the team had come home so late, Aaron, though he loved his son to pieces, was glad for the quiet emptiness of the house. Spencer sensed his relief and helped him in the kitchen reheating some stew, with thick slices of bread on the side.

“I let it all get to me.” Aaron finally spoke as he dunked his bread in the hot, thick broth. “I know you’ve seen the faint scars and have never asked about them. And, although we talked before it was always in the abstract. I never talked to anyone, except Dr. Mira, about what my father did. Seeing those kids, hearing their stories, and seeing the absolute relief in their eyes...” Aaron sucked in a breath as his voice trailed off. He looked out the kitchen window a moment and closed his eyes. “I knew everything they felt and I also knew their relief and the guilt at feeling that relief. No child should wish one of their parents dead, and yet every day of my life I did.”

Spencer was silent, he knew Aaron had to get this out. He rarely talked about the emotional toll it had taken on him, he knew the pain and anger, but Spencer had known little how Aaron had truly _felt_ growing up. The fact he was opening up like he was, spoke to how far Aaron had come in his therapy. 

“When he got sick, I went to the hospital every single day and stood at the end of his bed and just watched him slowly waste away. Allan would have to come and pull me out of there to go home and I would sometimes wonder if I was too broken inside. If it had not been for my brother, I don’t know what I would have become.” Aaron took a bite of food and grew quiet, but Spencer could tell it was a contemplative silence, not the kind of silences he used to fall into. 

Spencer cleaned up their dishes and the two of them trudged up to their bedroom. Aaron talked Spencer into a shower and he took over washing Spencer. Swallowing back the emotions that Spencer was feeling by how gentle and caring Aaron was, he tried to process what was happening. Aaron was touching him in a way he hadn’t before. Every inch of his skin, Aaron ran exploring fingertips over, then kisses pressed to wet skin as the water gently cascaded down his back. There was more here than just residual emotions from the case and Spencer was shaking as Aaron took his time. 

“Turn around,” Aaron whispered in a deep, gravelly voice. As soon as Spencer turned his mouth was captured by Aaron’s and the kiss was long, emotions long held back flooded into Spencer from Aaron. This was more than a kiss, more than telling Spencer how Aaron felt, this was a gentle, need filled claiming and Spencer couldn’t do anything other than hang on for the ride. 

Spencer tried not to be shocked when a hand cupped his balls, his cock responded immediately. Aaron’s mouth had left Spencer’s and was now trailing along his jaw and over the sensitive spots in his neck. The moan he let out was filthy even to his own ears, but Aaron was taking him apart, pulling emotions from him that even he didn’t know he had.

Spencer wanted to beg, to plead, but Aaron was determined to torture him, or so that was what he was thinking. Then, shock again as Aaron sank to his knees, his hands pressed against Spencer’s hips, holding him still. When he wrapped his mouth around Spencer’s cock, Spencer almost wanted to pass out from the sheer pleasure that sparked inside of him. Holding back was the hardest thing for Spencer to do at this moment. The noises Aaron made as he explored Spencer’s cock with his mouth were ones he had never heard spill from the man’s lips. Everything was too much and not enough all at once, Spencer whined as his knees grew weak from the sensations battering at him. 

Finally, Aaron showed some mercy and pulled off. He stood up and turned off the water, then turned to Spencer and leaned in close.

“I want to have you, Spencer. I want to feel you around me. Please, please will you let me?”

The look in Aaron’s eyes almost had Spencer on the verge of tears. The amount of love he saw in the dark depths of those expressive eyes had Spencer choking up. This was a monumental moment. The last barrier between Aaron’s past and their future. Spencer could have argued that they should wait until Aaron wasn’t so emotional, but then something clicked. It was precisely because Aaron was so emotional that he wanted this. He wanted to truly begin to put those ghosts that had haunted him for so long to rest. Spencer wasn’t going to turn Aaron away, not when it was this important.

“Yes, yes Aaron you can have me.”

Spencer didn’t know what to expect from Aaron, but he continued the gentle exploration, the near worship of his body that he had done in the shower. Then an exploring finger pressed inside of Spencer and it was like his body was electrified. Aaron took his time and by the time he was pressing the head of his cock to Spencer’s hole, Spencer was shaking again. 

“God, Spencer. I never knew what it could be like,” Aaron sighed as he slowly and carefully inched his way inside. Spencer could be bossy and try to get Aaron to move faster, but the look of bliss on Aaron’s face made Spencer’s patience worth the wait. 

Then, his legs were being pushed up against his chest and Aaron thrust in fully. Spencer watched Aaron’s face and how his eyes rolled back in his head, his mouth dropped open a little, and his cheeks flushed as his breathing shallowed. It was a beautiful moment and Spencer never wanted to forget this. 

“Spencer. You feel so amazing around me. Hot, tight, and glorious. I’m almost glad that I never had this before. Maybe you were always meant to be the one to be my first.” Aaron sucked in a breath and let it out as he sighed in happiness Spencer thinks his lover had never truly known before. Aaron started to move, slow and gentle at first, bending down to take Spencer’s mouth in a kiss. The two built up a good rhythm, rocking against each other, building up towards the climax.

Aaron began to move faster, he tore his mouth away from Spencer and buried his head against Spencer’s shoulder. His hips faltered for a moment and Spencer wrapped his arms around Aaron, holding him close as Aaron shuddered in his arms and cried out. 

Spencer came a moment later, not even needing to be touched. He was so caught up in everything that it had not taken much for him to release as his orgasm spread through him like a gentle wave.

He felt a warm wetness on his shoulder as Aaron was still wrapped tightly around him. Emotions too big for either of them pulsed between them. Spencer wasn’t even sure Aaron could speak yet, so he rode out the wave and hoped Aaron was going to be okay.

Spencer opened his eyes and realized that they had left the light on. He barely remembered stumbling into the bathroom to clean up and to get things to clean up Aaron before going back to bed. Everything had been too much for both of them so silence had reigned but it had been a good silence. The kind where just being there filled the silence instead of leaving it empty. Spencer forced himself to roll over to turn off the light and when he finally found the knob, he turned it until it clicked. However, that only made more light. Spencer forced his eyes open all the way and realized that it wasn't night anymore and really it looked like later than normal for both of them to wake up. 

Aaron rolled over and plastered himself to Spencer's body. Spencer wasn't sure if he was awake or not. Aaron was holding him just a little too tight, a little too clingy but Spencer just settled back into his arms. Aaron was obviously craving touch and Spencer was more than willing to give it to him. Spencer closed his eyes again, letting sleep take him. 

* * * * *

Aaron woke up slowly, the feeling of warmth and the knowledge that Spencer was pretty much where he had been when Aaron had fallen asleep. Aaron had woken up once in the night to use the bathroom. When he had done that, Spencer had been asleep half on top of Aaron. Spencer had rolled over while Aaron was in the bathroom so when Aaron had got back into bed. Aaron had decided to wrap himself around Spencer, holding him tight. It was nice to know that Spencer was there forever. 

The sounds of Jack and Jessica in the main part of the house had Aaron looking at his body under the blanket. They were both still very naked. Aaron wanted to go down and greet Jack and Jessica but he didn't want to have Spencer wake up alone in bed. It was a huge conundrum. 

"Go say hi and make me coffee," Spencer said, sounding more awake than even Aaron felt. 

"Good morning."

"It's not going to be good until I have coffee," Spencer said but his tone was tinged with humor and a smile. Aaron ducked his head down and scraped his teeth over the naked skin of Spencer's shoulder. Spencer reached back and slapped Aaron on the hip for that. "I mean it Aaron, coffee."

"Yes, Sir," Aaron said in a fond mocking tone. He pulled away from Spencer and as he got out of the bed he tucked the blankets around Spencer. He crawled over his lover and straddled him, brushing the hair out of his face so that he could get a kiss. Spencer tried to wiggle away from it but Aaron had him well and truly trapped. Spencer kept his lips pressed together, hard. Aaron chuckled and kissed Spencer's temple. "I'll get you coffee and something to eat and bring it up."

"I just need coffee and then I can come down to breakfast. Wanna eat on the back porch this morning." 

"Okay, coffee it is." 

Aaron got off the bed and found a pair of pajama pants that he had dug out of the closet where he had stored them not long after getting them as a joke present from Spencer on his second year on the team. When Aaron had moved out of the house he shared with Haley they had come with him and only when Aaron had been doing a little cleaning had he found them a few weeks before. Aaron grabbed a T-shirt from the drawer and really hoped that Jack wasn't in a really hyper mood. 

Jack was sitting on the couch in the living room watching a nature program of some kind on one of the kid's science channels that Spencer had added to the cable. Aaron leaned over the couch and ruffled Jack's hair. 

"Daddy!" Jack jumped up and held out his hands. Aaron waved him up onto the couch before picking him up for a hug. "Where's Spencer?"

"Sleeping in a little longer."

"I checked on you earlier but you didn't answer my knock. Aunt Jess said you had to be sleeping really well to not hear me. So Aunt Jessica started to make pancakes for me."

"Well, that's really cool. I'm going to get some coffee for Spencer then how about we all eat on the porch?"

"That sounds awesome!" Jack wiggled to be let down and he plopped back onto the couch just as baby penguins showed up on the screen. 

Aaron shook his head before going into the kitchen to see Jessica adding together the ingredients for pancakes into a batter bowl. Aaron stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders to give her a backward hug. "I love you."

"I love you too, Aaron and I think you need coffee, you're sappy this morning." Jessica patted Aaron's arms and leaned her head back into the side of his. 

"No. I just... I don't tell you enough that I do love you. I love you like I love Allan and you need to hear that more often."

"Quit being sappy and get your boyfriend coffee," Jessica said before she lightly tapped Aaron's arms. 

"Yes, Ma'am." Aaron turned and found that Jessica had already made a pot of coffee and had Aaron and Spencer's mugs sitting out and ready to be filled. Spencer's even had the cream and sugar already in it. Aaron shook his head and filled up both cups before making his way back up to give Spencer what he wanted. 

Opening the door carefully, Aaron found that Spencer was already dressed in a pair of sleep pants and one of Aaron's pullover fleece shirts. Aaron frowned because it wasn't that cold outside or inside for that matter. 

"I have coffee," Aaron said. He shut the bedroom door with a hip and walked over to Spencer to hand over the coffee. Aaron watched in mild shock as Spencer downed the entire cup in one long drink with no stopping. When Spencer lowered the cup, his eyes closed in pleasure at his favorite morning beverage, Aaron leaned in and pressed a kiss to Spencer's forehead. He was warm. 

“How are you feeling?” Aaron asked as he brushed Spencer’s hair out of his eyes. 

“A little cold, but I’ll be fine.” Spencer sipped at his coffee again and sighed. 

“I think maybe we’ll make it an in day. I have some of the medicine you prefer in the bathroom from when you helped out with Jack last year. Take some.” 

Spencer glared but nodded. A bottle of water was on the nightstand, Spencer stood and grabbed it before going into the bathroom to find the medicine. Aaron watched as he stumbled a little. He had a feeling that Spencer got Jack’s cold and the case along with all of the emotions might have brought it all on.

“Come on, want me to get that Minky blanket you like?”

Spencer nodded and leaned into Aaron who wrapped his arms around Spencer and led him out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen.

“Spencer!” Jack jumped up and ran over to Spencer and wrapped around Spencer’s leg.

“Hey, Jack, why don’t you go get that big blanket Spencer likes from the hall closet.”

“Okay, Dad.” 

“Come on, you still want to sit outside?”

“Yes.” Spencer walked to the kitchen where he poured another cup of coffee. Aaron set a kettle on and laid out a few of the teas he had and would switch out Spencer’s coffee for tea after his second cup. Spencer had left the kitchen while Aaron was working on getting the teas laid out. Aaron glanced out of the kitchen window and saw Jack tucking the blanket around Spencer after he sat down at the patio table. Jack placed Spencer’s cup close to where he could easily grab it. Aaron smiled at the thought that his son was helping to take care of Spencer.

Breakfast was good and even with Spencer not feeling well, the four of them sat outside as the sun turned brighter and warmer. Spencer snuggled under the blanket and Jack would jump up and get whatever it was Spencer wanted. The only thing he needed help with was the tea when it was ready.

Aaron felt the emotions from the night before settling. He wasn’t all the way there yet, but talking it out helped a little. All through breakfast he would touch Spencer here and there, on the knee, brushing down his arm, his fingers brushing the back of Spencer’s neck. Leaning in for kisses and getting that smile from Spencer that was just for him.

Jessica kept the conversation light and Aaron had a feeling she knew he was still a little emotionally raw, just not from what. After breakfast, the table was cleaned up and Jack helped Spencer to get settled on the couch with bottles of water within reach, and Aaron helped him bring out more tea. Jessica curled up in one of the reading chairs with a book and her own cup of tea. The scene put a smile on Aaron’s face.

This was family. This was the family Aaron had always craved and he almost had it with Haley, but he knew watching Jack, Jessica, and Spencer that it was shallow, at least towards the end. His family growing up would never be like this and Aaron knew this was something he was going to have to deal with now that these emotions had surfaced.

He finished up in the kitchen and was putting the last plate away when his phone rang. Grabbing it up he hoped it wasn’t a case. They were promised a day in-between and didn’t need to be in until the next day.

“Hey, brother mine. I was wondering if you’d like to go to lunch with me?” 

Aaron smiled hearing Allan’s voice. Lunch with his brother sounded like it was the perfect thing for the afternoon. Allan would understand more than anyone.

“That sounds good. Gimme a minute.”

Aaron walked over to Spencer and cupped his face. He still felt warm, but it was about the same as earlier.

“Do you mind if I go to lunch with Allan?”

“Of course not, Aaron. You never have to ask me things like that. You should be able to do the things you like to do without asking for permission.”

Aaron blushed as he gently ran his thumb over Spencer’s lips. “I know, just want to show you the respect you deserve.” Aaron stood and put the phone back to his ear. “Lunch sounds good. It actually sounds really good.”

“You okay?” Aaron heard the concern in Allan’s voice.

“Just some stuff came up during this case. I could use an ear.”

“You know you can always talk to me, Aaron.” Aaron always knew how his twin worried over him and was always there when Aaron needed him the most.

“I know. How about that pub you like at say 1:00?”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll meet you there.”

Aaron said his goodbyes and shut off his phone. He settled on the couch wanting to get in some Spencer and Jack cuddles before going out with his brother. Clicking the remote he turned on the television where an old Sci-Fi marathon was playing. Spencer got excited and told anyone who would listen, all the facts he knew about the movie. Aaron caressed Spencer’s arm and smiled. This was the type of morning he could easily get used to.

The pub was not that busy even for one in the afternoon on the weekend. Aaron had a glass of cucumber water. He was off alcohol for a while. 

"Hello," a voice said that was not Allan. Aaron turned to look at the woman who had sat down across from him. She was pretty in her own way, but the look of her did nothing for Aaron. He smiled at her, but that was it. 

"How can I help you?" Aaron asked.

The woman pouted a little bit, her lips sticking out in ways that made her seem like she was younger than she was. It turned Aaron's stomach. Her features were ones that Aaron used to notice in women. She was very much his type, but there was nothing there. No attraction whatsoever. 

"I was hoping that I could help you." The woman shifted a little, and Aaron felt a foot brush against his under the table before it tried to push up his pants leg. 

"I am not in need of any help. Nothing that you can provide."

"I don't know big boy. I think I could give you a lot of help." 

Aaron held in the sigh and wondered if she would get the hint if he was nice or he would have to spell it out for her. 

"Sorry, Ma'am but the kind of help he needs," Allan said as he pulled out the chair that was left at the table. The woman looked at him and then looked at Aaron. "You don't have the right equipment for helping him."

"Be nice," Aaron said. While both of them were taught to be respectful, Allan had lost some of that when he had grown up and got away from the family. 

"Yes, be nice to me. I was talking to him and not you."

"Lady, neither of us want slits; we want rods. Do you have a rod?" Allan asked. 

It took a few seconds for it dawn on the lady what Allan was talking about. When she did, she huffed and stood up. She moved so fast that her chair fell backwards. She stomped away from them as fast as she could. 

"You need to be nicer," Aaron admonished his brother. 

"She wasn't taking your nice way of putting her down. You need to be meaner." Allan looked at Aaron's drink for a few seconds before picking it up and taking a drink. "So we are at a pub that has some of the best beer here in DC, and you are drinking vegetable flavored water."

"I drank a little too much the other day. I think that alcohol and I need a little break."

"What happened?"

"A case hit way too close to home, and instead of facing it, instead of talking about it, I took Dave up on his offer of a drink. I almost couldn't get back into the hotel room and then I made a very, very mad decision and tried to get Spencer to have sex with me. Top me."

"After everything you've gone through you seriously thought, even drunk that asking him to do that was a good idea? Please tell me that he didn't do it?"

"No, he got me into the shower, and then when I broke down he held me. He made me feel more loved than I ever have in my life and it reminded me that I should have felt that before."

"WIth at least Mother and Father. Yes, I know."

"What can I get you two to eat?" the waitress asked as she stepped up to the table. 

"The chicken finger platter, fries and onion rings, please. And an extra plate so we can split that. House salad with poppyseed dressing for me and Caesar for my brother," Allan answered before Aaron could even say a thing. It was a different kind of comfort food. Aaron wasn't going to fight it because finger foods full of grease sounded pretty good.

"And to drink for you?"

"You have three new local beers on tap yes?"

"Yes."

"I'll take one of each. Not at the same time but one after the other as I finish. I don't care about the order."

"You got it. I'll bring out the salads as soon as they are ready." She gave them both a very polite smile and then walked away. 

"Comfort food is great for days like this. I thought maybe the grease would be good on your stomach. You might have said something, and I would not have agreed to go to a pub when you don't want alcohol."

"It's fine. I don't mind you drinking. I might take a sip of each of your beers though. I have been meaning to come and try them. I don't have an issue with alcohol like Father. I don't need it to feel good. I just need to make sure to limit what I take in because I don't like the changes. I'm not craving a beer or scotch." Aaron felt his phone vibrate and he slipped it out of his back pocket where he had it. It was just a stupid bit of junk email. Aaron laid his phone down on the table with the screen downward. 

Aaron lowered his voice and told Allan everything. From the case to what happened after, to just being with Spencer in the way that he had. 

"I've never...Haley liked me touching her, and I liked doing it, but I've never felt like this. The hunger that I have to touch Spencer, especially in public. I don't understand why I can't stop touching him."

"Because you like knowing that he's there. Why does it have to be anything more than that, Aaron? Why can't you just like being with him? Feeling his body on yours? Why does it have to be a big deal? Neither of us was hugged enough as children. We had caretakers, but they didn't touch us. We played with each other, and so we are used to each other’s touch. Haley was frigid in ways that I could never understand. I always thought that she had been molested as a child. She had rules that I've never heard of outside of those who had been abused. You did them because you loved her, but you didn't like it. From what I know of Spencer's childhood, I bet he wasn't touched a lot either. You understand that he likes it and wants it, he probably craves it as much as you do and so you crave it just as much back."

"When did you become so smart?" Aaron asked with a grin on his face. 

"It's not that I have become smart. It's that I see things with a less hard angle than you do. I see it simply for what it is and not what you've been taught as a profiler. You need to let go of some of the jadedness you've picked up."

"That reminds me. How are things with you and Morgan?"

"They’re just fine and moving along at a nice pace, and we don't need any outside help. Well outside of the help that he is getting. Talking with him, I can understand some of the things you are going through."

Aaron leaned back on the table as the waitress came near with their salads. Aaron's already had the dressing on it, and Allan's had it on the side. Aaron picked up his fork and speared a bunch of lettuce and cheese just as his phone vibrated again. He debated looking at it but thought that he would just worry if he didn't. 

It was a message from Jessica saying that Spencer's fever was getting worse and he was going to go and take a nap but that he did not want Aaron coming home, Jack was playing the perfect nursemaid for him, and he didn't need two Hotchner men and a Brooks woman hovering over him. Aaron smiled and set his phone down. 

"What's wrong? That smile is not exactly the happiest."

"Spencer is feeling under the weather. He caught Jack's cold and now Jack's nursing him back to health. I've been ordered not to come home as he has enough nursemaids."

"That sounds like him. I also heard him talking about how you are allowed to do what you want. Was that something Haley didn't like? You spending time that wasn't with her?"

Aaron had talked about Haley a lot with his therapist. How they had grown apart and how he used work as an excuse not to come home sometimes. That Jack became the only bright spot in their marriage at the end.

“It wasn’t until I talked about this with my therapist, but Haley was a lot like Mom. She only worked part-time. She was starting to get into the volunteer thing just like Mom did. If I wanted to golf, or go out with friends, or out with the team I had to ask her. I remember distinctly before she got pregnant one weekend I was invited out with some of the Unit and Section Chiefs to go golfing. They formed a sort of tournament at the Bureau and rumor got out that I played. I mentioned it to her and when I woke up that Saturday and got things ready to go she was standing there at the door.

“She had changed her mind and tried to tell me that I couldn’t go that she had plans for us. We had a huge fight and I left. I went golfing and I refused to feel guilty over it.”

“I’m going to say something to you Aaron, something I know you would not have actually listened to just a few years ago, but she was abusing you. It was mental and manipulative, but she was. She was doing it how Mother would do it to both of us. 

“Especially when she would dote on Sean in front of us.”

“Haley would have these club meetings at the house. If I tried to leave to go do something else...it turned into a big fight.

“Those kids that were killing their parents, I hated to arrest them. Then I hated the fact that I would turn a blind eye if I could. They were abused horrifically. One in particular reminded me too much of myself. He hated them so much, Allan. It was the kind of hate I felt so much of my life until I was shipped off to Military school. It was the fighting I hated and this kid...he told me he hated all the fighting, that he just wanted it to stop. Because the fighting triggered the physical abuse. And it...” Aaron took a long drink of his water to clear his throat.

“It took you back to that house.”

“Yes.”

“Why do you hold onto it, Aaron? Sell it. Sell all of it.”

“I don’t know why I haven’t done it yet. I don’t know what I’m waiting for.”

“I think you need to figure that out.”

Aaron concentrated on finishing his salad as the rest of their food came out.

“Dad would have hated us eating like this.”

“And it was why we always did.” Allan laughed as he popped a fry into his mouth.

Aaron laughed as he picked up a chicken finger and dunked it in a side of blue cheese dressing. He would run it off later, but Allan was right, this was the perfect comfort food.

* * * * * 

Later that night, sitting up in bed with Spencer curled around him, head on Aaron’s stomach, Aaron carded his fingers through Spencer’s hair. The gentle intimacy wasn’t anything like he had in his past relationships.

He looked down and saw the contented look on Spencer’s face. Even with a fever, Spencer was still happy to be in his arms. Setting his book aside Aaron bent down and kissed the top of Spencer’s head, then sat back again. 

After getting home, Aaron had called his therapist to talk about the revelations he had at lunch. His homework had been to talk it out with Spencer. Aaron wanted no secrets between them. Taking a deep breath, Aaron let it go before he began to speak again.

“I was abused by Haley and it took talking it out with my brother after all this time to understand that.

“It was emotional blackmail, withholding affection, rules I had to follow, the clothes I had to wear. I never looked all that hard at my marriage to her and so many things became clear. She only loved me on her conditions. When I no longer wanted to follow those rules, that’s when things went south. And yet, fucking hell, yet I still wanted to hang on.”

“Wow, what did you do at lunch?”

Aaron laughed and gently pushed Spencer down on the bed. Aaron moved to where his head was on Spencer’s chest and an arm was thrown around his stomach. 

“We talked about the craving for touch. I never had it much as a child except with Allan. Haley had all these rules about touching and I never understood how much it really affected me. You let me touch you and hold you all the time and...” Aaron took a deep breath and buried his face against Spencer’s chest.

“I love you, Aaron. No restrictions, no conditions, no rules. You love me and you show me all the time by just your touch. I’ll never make you second guess your place in our relationship, Aaron. We’re partners. In this together.”

Aaron pulled a little tighter as he sighed in happiness. 

* * * * *

Spencer wasn't sure what to feel about Aaron's confession. There had been hints of things that said that the relationship between him and his now-dead ex-wife had not been good but abusive? The fact that no one had noticed it was a little upsetting. Spencer hadn't been that great at relationships at that point. Spencer was shocked that Aaron was saying something about it now though. Speaking ill of the dead was something that wasn't done, especially in the kind of society that it seemed that Aaron had been raised in, though most of them to Spencer's knowledge were two-faced. Spencer started to card his fingers through Aaron's hair. 

"It scares me sometimes, how easy it is. Being with you."

"Easy?" Aaron asked his head moved a little but didn't raise up, it just kind of rubbed on Spencer's chest. "This has been easy?"

"There are hard parts, but this-" Spencer threaded his fingers through Aaron's hair and very awkwardly gave Aaron a kiss on the top of his head. "Just being here with you. Not having to be anything other than me. Knowing that you are being yourself. There’s nothing false. We've been laid bare before each other in so many ways that we can't be anything but ourselves anymore. It's nice because I never thought I would have that. It scares me though because I know I'm never going to get it again and I'll do anything not to lose you. I don't ever want to hurt you. I know that I have, but I don't want to again." 

Aaron turned his face to look at Spencer, and his eyes were shining with tears that weren't falling, not yet. Aaron moved to where he was straddling Spencer and kissed him. Spencer cupped the back of Aaron's head and held him there while they just kissed. Spencer knew that he still had a fever and that really he shouldn't be kissing Aaron, he shouldn't even be in the same room as him, but Spencer didn't want to be anywhere else. He didn't want to leave the comfort that Aaron's body pressing him down into the bed gave him. Sleeping in the same bed as another person had confused him for a while. The few times he'd had a lover he had not liked it but here with Aaron there was nothing better. He wasn't sure if it was the fact that they had known each other as long as they had, the love between them, or some kind of mix of those two plus a million other things. It was heaven to Spencer. 

Slowly, the kisses turned softer, less needy, and more just comfort. Spencer didn't remember falling asleep, but he did. 

* * * * * 

Spencer woke up too warm. He shoved at the blankets that were on him to find that it was just a sheet, but still, he was warm. Spencer rolled on the bed to try and escape but stopped when he hit a body. He forced his eyes open to find that it was Aaron sitting in bed with him. Aaron was reading a book and looked like he had been awake for a while.

"Your fever got worse in the night. I got you awake long enough to take something, but I think that maybe a cold shower is best right now. Might help break the fever."

Spencer nodded. His throat felt like it was on fire and he tried to swallow. Aaron held out a bottle of water, and Spencer drank half of it. The water felt good on his throat even though it was just room temperature spring water. Aaron pulled him up out of bed, and Spencer used his body to support himself. Aaron's body felt cold to the touch even to Spencer, but still, he plastered himself along it. Spencer barely remembered Aaron washing him. He was floating from the fever. Aaron checked it once they were out of the shower and it wasn't at the point where either of them needed to worry about taking Spencer to the hospital. Aaron bundled Spencer into a pair of boxers, and then a pair of sweatpants followed by a t-shirt and then a sweatshirt. Spencer felt warm but also like he was dying. Aaron got him into bed, sitting up as Jack and Jessica entered the room with a tray of food. There was what looked like tea on there as well as a bowl of something that had brown sugar on top. Spencer frowned because that was not oatmeal. Jessica settled the tray down and brushed at the hair on Spencer's face before she ushered Jack out of the room once Jack had asked Spencer how he was doing. 

Aaron mixed up the food, and it looked a lot like really small grits. Spencer made a face that made Aaron laugh.

"Jack makes that face when he sees me eat spinach or collard greens."

"Yes, well I'm in agreeance with that second one there. What is this?"

"If you are going to act like Jack, then I'm gonna treat you like him. Try it and then I'll tell you."

Spencer stuck his tongue out at Aaron, and before he could pull it back it, Aaron had smeared the spoon on his tongue. Spencer nearly choked when he pulled it back in quickly. There was sweet on his tongue and what he had was kind of...bread like in taste. "Cream of wheat?"

"Yes. I figured that it was small enough that you won't have to chew and hearty enough to feed your monster cold." Aaron held up the spoon, and Spencer reached out to take it, but Aaron didn't let him. Spencer pouted. "Please."

Spencer relented because he was just worn out from staying up, but also Aaron looked like he really wanted to do it. 

After all the food was gone, Aaron helped Spencer with his tea. Spencer tasted jasmine and some honey with a little lemon. It felt good on his throat. After the tea was gone, Aaron moved the tray away and brushed the hair out of Spencer’s eyes. 

“The heating guy finished up in your library last week. I didn’t have a chance to tell you. If you want to spend some time up there reading and relaxing, I don’t mind it. I’ll check up on you, though. And, Jack will want to come up and check on you as well.”

Spenser thought about it for a couple of minutes and it actually sounded wonderful to him. The last few weeks had been a whirlwind of emotions, cases, and trying to fit himself into the Hotchner household. Spencer loved Aaron and Jack, but he needed some time to himself and his new library sounded just about perfect. 

“That actually sounds nice. I don’t mind if Jack reads in there, but some time alone sounds really good.”

“All right. Come on. I’ll help you upstairs.”

Spencer stood and for a second he felt a little dizzy, but it passed quickly. Aaron helped him up and Spencer smiled at how everything had come together. He had not had a chance to see it completed. The walls were a creamy white with light lavender beadboard all around. A thick, soft carpet in varying shades of purple, grey, white, and a deep red had been laid that had a thick pad under it. It felt amazing under Spencer’s feet. The bookshelves had been built-in with cupboards on the bottom covering two of the short walls, one of which had been custom built to make a nice nook for Spencer to curl up in on the large reading chair that was in a deep purple that went well with the color of the beadboard. 

Spencer saw that most of his books had been put up almost exactly how they had been in his apartment. He just lifted a brow at Aaron who just kind of shrugged a shoulder. 

In one corner was a high-end coffee pot and tray that held a sugar bowl, and other sweeteners. That all sat atop a fridge that was about four feet tall. It would hold not only creamer, but the bottled teas that Spencer liked on hot days, as well as snacks, and sparkling waters for Jack. Aaron only let Jack have sodas on special occasions, at restaurants, and cookouts. The rest of the time it was fresh juices and sparkling water. Jack especially liked the fresh fruit sparkling waters that Spencer would make from time to time. 

Next to the fridge and coffee pot was a shelf that was the same height as the fridge. This held several flavors of the protein bars and other packaged snacks that Spencer liked. The dried fruits, nuts, and crackers he sometimes enjoyed snaking on were all in easy to open containers that could be refilled when they became empty. Jack liked some of those things as well and Aaron had put a couple of his favorites in there for when he spent time with Spencer in the attic.

“Aaron, it looks wonderful.”

“I wanted to show you sooner, but so much has happened. I’m glad you like it. I had that old corner wardrobe that was up here stripped and restored. I hope you like it, I found out the wood is called purple heart, and after it was lightly stained the color came through. It was one of my Great-Grandmother’s pieces. She loved purple as much as you do.”

Spencer walked over and admired the rich purple color and ornate carvings on the wood. He opened it to find soft blankets, pillows, throws, and more all in varying shades of purple. Spencer blushed and tried not to get upset at the expense because some of the blankets were very high quality. 

The bottom of the wardrobe held colorful quilts in varying thicknesses.

“So you never get cold or uncomfortable. And before you get upset at the expense, I did it because I wanted to. I let you pay for the rest, but the wardrobe, the blankets, and quilts are my gift to you.”

Spencer turned around and kissed Aaron deeply. 

“I love you. And I will graciously accept the gift.” Spencer knew he couldn’t fight Aaron on it. He knew it would hurt him deeply if Spencer tried to refuse the gift. That it was something so personal made Spencer fall just a little more in love.

“So, what do you want, the heat on? Or to bundle up?”

Spencer thought about it and pulled out one of the thick blankets.

“I think I just want to bundle up on the chair.” He walked over and looked at his book collection then chose four of his comfort books that he liked when he wasn’t feeling well. He sat them on the side table that had two shelves underneath. The wood looked like it was the same as the wardrobe and again Aaron just shrugged when Spencer lifted a brow at him. He knew that no matter how he protested, Aaron was going to spoil him whether he wanted it or not. Spencer sat in the plush chair and pulled the blanket around him and knew by the time he settled that he really did like being spoiled.

“I’m going to get a pot of tea for you. Do you want to just read and rest for a bit? I can keep Jack entertained for a while.”

Spencer was going to say that it was fine if Jack came up, but he actually liked the quiet of the attic. The soundproofing had been done expertly and Spencer couldn’t hear much from the lower floors. He had not realized that he needed some solitude until he had climbed the stairs and saw his library. 

“I’d rather be alone for a while. I don’t mind if you check up on me because I know you will.”

“Here’s your phone. Text me if you want or need anything. The half bath isn’t quite finished yet, the tile floor still needs to be laid, and the sink has to be installed. So, if you need to use the restroom you’ll have to go to the second floor.”

“I’ll be fine, Aaron.”

“Let me worry.”

Spencer chuckled as he buried himself deeper under the cover. Even though he was hot from the fever there was something very comforting about being bundled up. 

“All right. And that tea sounds good.”

Aaron kissed Spencer’s forehead after brushing the hair aside. 

“Okay. I’ll be up in a little while to check on you. I’m going to make my chicken and ten bean soup, and some homemade chicken noodle. You can decide which you want for lunch and which for dinner.” Aaron stood up and left. Spencer rubbed at his heart and knew without a doubt that Aaron would be there for him always. Picking up one of the books, Spencer got lost in the words as he relaxed into the chair and let his mind drift away for a while.

* * * * *

Spencer heard the noise of someone moving around him, but they were trying to be quiet. He nearly opened his mouth to tell Jack he didn't need to be quiet when he realized that the person was much bigger than Jack. Spencer opened his eyes to see that it was Aaron, picking up the book that had fallen out of Spencer's grasp. A further look around the room showed that he had brought up a tray of fresh fruit and some nuts for Spencer to snack on as well as a new pot of tea. 

"Hey," Spencer said. 

Aaron looked at Spencer with a sheepish look on his face. It was kind of adorable. Aaron walked over to Spencer and crouched down on his knees in front of him. He stretched up after his knees on the floor and brushed as Spencer's cheek. Next, the back of his hand went to Spencer's forehead. Spencer smiled at Aaron because even though it was something that a parent did to a child, there as care in it. An affection that Spencer hadn't ever really had before. 

"Sorry I woke you up."

"You wouldn't have woken me if I wasn't already waking up some. Besides, it's nice watching you try so hard to take care of me, and the only reason is that you want to do it. You don't feel obligated, you just like it, and so you do it. I've never had that before. I'm glad you don't get upset when it takes me time to figure things out like, let you spoil me and care for me."

Aaron wiggled his arms under Spencer's blankets, getting them on overheated skin. Aaron's hands felt cold even though Spencer knew that they shouldn't. He tipped their foreheads together and just stared into Spencer's eyes. 

"I’m fine teaching you all about what it means to be a family; I learned what it was from Haley when we had our good years. I learned what I like to do and what I didn't like to do to make my partner happy. I don't mind teaching you what you like."

"I'd do anything, and I mean that Aaron. I would do anything for you. Probably even stuff that I shouldn't admit to wanting to do." 

Aaron pulled back and pressed a kiss to Spencer's forehead. "Eat the fruit and some of the nuts. They’re good for you and will help you fight this cold off. You need all the help you can get." 

Spencer stuck his tongue out at Aaron and frowned when Aaron started to pull back. Aaron settled the blankets back around Spencer and handed over a cup of tea and set down a plate with a little bit of the fruit on it as well as some of the nuts. Spencer picked up a slice of honeydew and took a bite. He felt the juice running down his chin and reached out quickly with his free hand to wipe it up and lick it from his fingers. Spencer looked up at Aaron to thank him, but the look of hunger on Aaron's face did not leave room for Spencer to speak at all. Aaron turned and quickly left because it wasn't a hunger for food that was on his face. 

After wiping his hands off using the wipes Aaron had left on the table as well, Spencer picked up his book again and started to read. He nibbled on the fruit until it was gone before starting on the nuts. The nuts were the good kind, the kind that had peanuts mixed in with them. Spencer ate all of them first before moving onto the cashews, which were one of Spencer's least favorite nuts, Brazil nuts were next followed by almonds and pecans. He left the hazelnuts for last because those were his favorites. 

Closing his eyes after eating the last of the nuts, Spencer thought about what he wanted to do to show Aaron that he was learning how to show his love. He wanted to do something that was just for the two of them. He loved Jack, and he really liked Jessica and Allan but something that was just the two of them for a weekend sounded like a good thing. The team would have a weekend off rotation or depending on a case sometimes forced downtime for a few days following a horrific case. While Spencer would rather not have it come at that cost, he would jump on it if he could. 

Spencer knew that Aaron liked the outdoors, it was a byproduct of having little else inside of his house to entertain him. So Spencer started to think about some of the places within a few state radii that they could go to and maybe do some hiking for a day and then the second day to just spend doing whatever they wanted. Spencer didn't care what they did as long as they were together. Allan and Jessica could split Jack watching duty, and Spencer was sure that if push came to shove JJ and Will could help out as well. Allan could even invite Morgan over for a weekend and spend it in Aaron's house. 

Grabbing a notepad from the second shelf of the stand, Spencer started to write down the names of a few places he remembered driving through on cases that were within driving distance. When he was near a computer and away from Aaron's wandering eyes, Spencer would begin to plan everything in earnest. He was sure that Allan would at least get behind Spencer wanting to do something nice to show Aaron that he could pamper him as well. Spencer was pretty sure that anything that involves being nice to Aaron, Allan would get behind it. 

#  *** * * * ***

“Spencer, you’re still not telling me where we are going?” Aaron asked again as Spencer drove the SUV. Spencer had told Aaron to take hiking boots, his wetsuit, and they had their bikes with them as well. Spencer had also arranged for an extra-long weekend. They left that Friday morning and would make their way back on Tuesday morning. Aaron was attempting to relax in the passenger seat as he grilled Spencer on what they were doing.

When Allan came over and said he and Morgan were going to stay and watch Jack to give Jessica a weekend off, Aaron knew his son was in good hands. Allan had told him he needed to just get out of his head and relax. 

“Nope. It’s a surprise, Aaron. Just close your eyes and try to relax.”

Aaron took a deep breath and knew he needed to let his body relax. It had been three months since Spencer had finally gotten over his monster cold, which he ended up needing antibiotics because it just wasn’t going away. But, then it was back to back cases that stretched the team to the limits. Aaron and Spencer had been sniping at each other at one point, the stress getting to them more than they had wanted to admit. There was a lot of make-up sex and a lot of talking about what had been bothering them.

Aaron demanded time off from the AD bypassing Strauss. He knew he should have felt guilty for going over the Section Chief’s head, but he didn’t. Even Dave had bitched Erin out one day at the office and they all knew then just how stressed the team was. They were granted two weeks off, the start of which was this weekend Spencer had planned out.

They had made plans with Jack, and with some of the team for the rest of the time, but this weekend was all about Aaron and Spencer. 

Aaron had not realized he had been lulled to sleep by the drive and the book on tape Spencer had going to entertain them on the car ride. He was being gently shaken awake three hours later.

“I let you sleep because you looked like you needed it. We’re here, Aaron.”

“I’m so sorry, Spence.”

Spencer smiled and leaned over kissing Aaron.

“It’s fine. Come on, let’s get checked-in.”

“Where are we?”

“North Fork Mountain Inn. I called them to create our own weekend package. I know you’re going to love it.” Spencer’s smile soothed something in Aaron’s very soul. They had been having such a rough time of it that at times he wondered if Spencer was going to leave him. It had made Aaron anxious that he held Spencer a little tighter at night. After parking, they exited the vehicle and Spencer walked to the back of the car, Aaron followed a moment later. Before the back was opened up, Spencer gently pressed Aaron against the car and kissed him slow and gentle. Hands cupped Aaron’s cheek and Aaron pressed back, kissing Spencer back.

“I know we’ve had a rough time the last couple of months and we both fell back on old patterns. I’m sorry for my part in that, Aaron. I love you, and I know we need to do better.”

Aaron closed his eyes and pulled Spencer close to him. He cupped the back of Spencer’s head, pressing him against his neck while his other arm wrapped around Spencer’s waist. 

“I thought for a little while there that you were going to leave. I know I’ve been an ass and I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry if I have.”

“We came out of it, Aaron. As long as we finally do end up talking, I can’t see anything in our lives that will make me leave you. Short of you outright lying to me, I can’t think of anything.”

Aaron closed his eyes as he held Spencer close. He wanted to never abuse his trust or his love. Aaron pressed a kiss to Spencer’s forehead as he held on a little longer, settling once more. It had taken a lot for Aaron to get to the place they were at now. Where he could admit that he loved Spencer. He didn’t want to lose the precious man in his arms.

“Come on. Let’s check-in and I can tell you all the things I have planned for us.”

Aaron reluctantly let Spencer go.

“So, today we are going to relax, there is a small spa where we will have a couples massage, then a nice dinner that is a tasting menu with wine pairings. Tomorrow, we are going to go water rafting. I already ordered a picnic lunch for us and when we get back another massage, which was included. Sunday we can do either the hiking trail or some biking at the nearby North Fork Mountain Trails. Monday is all about relaxing in bed.”

Aaron helped Spencer with the luggage and laced his fingers with Spencer’s as they entered the Inn. He was a little overwhelmed that Spencer had created a weekend of outdoor activities that Aaron enjoyed. He knew how much Spencer was wary about the woods and the outdoors. It made him fall a little more in love.

*** * * * ***

Aaron was laughing as he pulled Spencer under the small waterfall that they had found on their way out to the biking trail. Aaron had opted for it as it connected at one point with a small hiking trail. They were on their way back to the Inn for a nice dinner that Spencer still had not told Aaron what was being served. Spencer wanted to keep the meals a surprise. The Inn had an eclectic menu and attempted to cater to many different cuisines. The kitchen could also do special requests if guests arranged it during their booking. They also tried to account for many of the main food allergies like nuts, onions, corn, and tomatoes. They had a smaller separate kitchen that gluten-free meals could be prepared for those with celiac disease and gluten sensitivity issues. Spencer had picked out the meals they would be having that night before they had left Inn for their bike ride.

Spencer gasped in shock at the smoothness of the wall behind him as Aaron pressed him into it. Aaron's hands were on his hips, and Spencer couldn't help reaching out and grabbing him so that he didn't try and escape. Spencer tilted his head to the side and stared at Aaron until the man leaned down to cover his mouth. 

"Do you trust me?" Aaron asked as he separated their lips enough to speak but nothing more. 

"Yes," Spencer said, and he would have said more but there wasn't anything that he wouldn't trust Aaron with when Aaron started to undo Spencer's jeans. Spencer had not put on a belt that day and just wore a pair of very tight but soft jeans that Aaron had found when Spencer had been unpacking his cooler weather clothes to put up in the closet. Aaron's hands shoved the jeans down and bent down to undo one of Spencer's boots to get the leg off of him. Spencer gasped as what Aaron wanted to do slammed into his brain. Aaron's mouth traced Spencer's cock in his underwear, mouthing at the head a little and getting Spencer fully hard before he pulled back to take off his underwear. Aaron took off Spencer's other boot, getting him naked from the waist down before he stood up again. His hands grabbed Spencer's thighs. 

It took just a few seconds for Spencer to realize what Aaron wanted and he wrapped his arms around Aaron's neck and pulled himself up as Aaron raised him up. Spencer wrapped his legs around Aaron's upper waist to give him access to his ass. This was one of Aaron's new favorite positions. It was one of Spencer's as well. On a bed was all well and good but sometimes a rough fucking against the wall was just what the mind needed. 

Aaron found Spencer's hole and smeared slick over it before he wiped his hand somewhere and gripped Spencer's cheeks to spread his ass to where Aaron could slowly push inside of him. Aaron's cock was slick, and it wasn't like either of them needed the extended prep that their life had been when Aaron had been learning. The foreplay was nice sometimes but others, this was what they needed. 

"You always look so happy when I'm pushing inside of you," Aaron whispered against Spencer's neck before his teeth grazed over it. The teeth caught on a bit of loose skin, and he gave Spencer a little pain as he bottomed out inside of Spencer. 

Aaron’s sexuality had grown a great deal in the past few months. He had finally learned to let go and do what felt good and trusted that Spencer would stop him if he didn't like something. There were times that Aaron took Spencer's words from him in how much he could pleasure Spencer if he were not worried about messing up. Aaron had become a deeply sexual creature under Spencer's hands and with Spencer under his body. Spencer often wondered what kind of person Aaron would be if someone had been able to get him out of his shell long before. Spencer knew that it would have changed who he was but Aaron would not have been as ashamed as he was in the beginning. 

"I wonder do I look like that, Spencer? Do I look like it's the best thing in the world when you push your cock inside of me?" Aaron demanded to know as his hips thrust his cock in and out of Spencer. Spencer loosened one of his arms a little bit and grabbed the back of Aaron's head to hold him where he wanted him. 

"No. You always look like that first time," Spencer said, and he tried to hold onto the words that were forming in his mind in response to the question Aaron put to him. "The wonder. The hesitance until you realize that it's not going to hurt and feels really, really good." 

Aaron's mouth closed around the base of Spencer's neck, it was going to leave a mark that would be hard to hide, but Spencer didn't care. Aaron could leave the mark anywhere right now, and Spencer wouldn't care. Spencer came when Aaron's teeth released the skin on his neck and Aaron came just a moment later, his hips pressed into Spencer as far as they could get, his legs locking so they didn't fall. Spencer trusted that Aaron would never let him fall and Aaron trusted that Spencer would tell him if it ever became too much. It was a give and take that they were learning together as they became closer. 

* * * * *

The nap after Aaron and Spencer had returned from the hiking trip felt good. Aaron had his nose buried against Spencer’s neck inhaling that scent that was all Spencer. The last few months had been a roller coaster of a ride of emotions and new experiences. Aaron tried not to dwell on the what-ifs. He had seen too many in their line of work that obsessed over the what-ifs in life and it caused them to spiral into madness. Spencer was here, and he was his. They had gotten over the biggest hurdles and Aaron was settling into his newfound awareness of himself. 

Coming out at almost fifty years old wasn’t easy. Admitting his feelings and working through all of the issues that had come up because of those feelings wasn’t easy. But, in the here and now, wrapped around Spencer after an amazing day out, Aaron was happier than he ever had been in his marriage. He had let Haley go and in his therapy realised that even though he had loved her it was something born out of a need to change his circumstances. To hold onto someone that seemed to understand him and what was happening to him at home. That was the kind of love that couldn’t last.

Spencer. Aaron breathed deeply taking in that wonderful clean scent of bare skin with just a hint of vanilla from Spencer’s favorite body wash. Spencer was the love of his life. Haley would never have planned a trip as Spencer had and it made Aaron love him even more. The fact that he tried to enjoy himself among nature had Aaron tightening his hold and sighing in happiness he never wanted to end.

The soft chuckle and had Aaron blushing.

“What are you thinking so hard about, Aaron?” Spencer asked, face half-buried in the pillow.

“I’m thinking about how happy I am. I’m thinking that the last few months, no matter how hard it got, it was worth it to get here. This place in my mind and my heart that I have the thing that matters the most to me.”

“And just what is that?”

Aaron pulled back and rolled Spencer onto his back, fingers gently touched Spencer’s face.

“You, Spencer. I have you. I never thought that I could have this, have you, and be this happy.”

“Aaron...” Spencer visibly swallowed as he reached up and wrapped a hand around Aaron’s neck, pulling him down to where the could kiss. 

“I love you, Spencer. You’re it for me. I have never loved this wholly and completely before. Your kindness, patience, and understanding helped make me a better man. The bonus is I know you love me with as much passion as I love you.”

Spencer closed his eyes as they once again kissed. Aaron brushed away the tears that fell, but he knew they were tears of too much emotion all at once.

“I love you too, Aaron.” Aaron could tell Spencer was getting choked-up on his own emotions. Sitting up, he pulled Spencer with him until he was settled on Aaron’s lap. Aaron wrapped his arms around his lover, holding him and loving just being together.

After some time, Aaron kissed Spencer’s temple and smiled softly.

“I think we should get dressed for dinner.” Aaron stood and went to the closet and pulled out the suit bag he had brought. Spencer had wondered about it, but Aaron knew he just chalked it up to Aaron’s suit obsession. “I bought something for you. I’d very much like you to wear it.”

Spencer swallowed hard as he stood and opened up the bag. Inside were two suits. One was a deep burgundy that was almost black, the other was a charcoal black. They both looked to be bespoke suits. 

“I took one of your newer suits and had my tailor make this one for you. I knew at some point we would end up at a nice restaurant. You’re too much of a foodie to stick to diners and casual restaurants.”

“It’s beautiful Aaron. I will gladly wear it. And, yes, tonight we are dining at the higher-end restaurant. In fact, we should get ready.”

Aaron took his time because he kept watching Spencer put on the clothes. The paisley vest with the black button-up looked gorgeous on Spencer. Aaron had a deep purple button up and accents that matched Spencer’s vest. He opted for very little product in his hair. 

“You look stunning, Spencer.”

Spencer blushed as he sat on the bed and pulled on the sinfully soft patent leather loafers he had brought along. Standing up he walked to Aaron and leaned in for a kiss.

“You look amazing yourself. Come on, lets go turn a few heads.” Spencer smiled and Aaron reached out cupping Spencer’s cheek. He vowed to himself that he would always try to get that smile out of Spencer at least once a day.

After another kiss, the two men finally left their room and walked through the resort to the restaurant. They made it just in time for their reservation.

The food was amazing as were the wines that paired with each course. When dessert and coffee were served Aaron had whispered so

something in the waiter's ear. Spencer just lifted a brow and Aaron just smiled. After their decadent dessert of a combination of white and dark chocolate mousses robed in a delicate shiny chocolate ganache with a layer of caramel and honey roasted peanuts, sitting on top of a gold foil chocolate disk, the sheer joy on Spencer’s face with each bite had Aaron smiling. 

The waiter returned with a wine bucket and some champagne. Spencer lifted a brow and Aaron saw the curiosity on his face. When Aaron slid down onto one knee Spencer’s eyes grew and he visibly swallowed.

“Dr. Spencer Reid, the day you walked into the BAU as Gideon’s protege was a day that changed my life for the first time. The many ups and downs we shared over the years forged me as much as they did you. We’ve walked in blood and horror, but have always come through together. 

“The day you said you loved me, the day you showed me what it was to truly love someone was the day I knew this was forever. We took a long way around to get here, but I love you. I love you more than you will ever truly understand. 

“Spencer,” Aaron took the ring box he had brought with him and had hidden in his attache case and opened it upholding it out for Spencer. “Will, you, Dr. Spencer Reid, do me the honor of becoming my husband?”

Spencer slid down onto the floor and threw his arms around Aaron. The kiss Aaron received was all-consuming and he knew he didn’t want it any other way.

“Yes, Aaron Hotchner. Yes, I will marry you.”

There were cheers from some of the lingering couples around them. There were also some who made their prejudice known, but Aaron ignored them as he stood up helping Spencer up. He took the ring and slid it over Spencer’s finger. 

“You are my forever, Spencer.”

Aaron kissed Spencer once more before they sat back down at their table. Champagne was imbibed, congratulations from strangers who looked genuinely happy for them, then they were making their way back to their room where Aaron told Spencer with his body the words that got stuck in his throat. Aaron knew he could be happy for the rest of his life with the man in his arms as his lover, friend, partner, husband. It may have taken him time to understand himself, but he knew in the end, to get where he was, it was worth it.

**THE END**


End file.
